Unlocking the Floodgates: How Coaching Transformed Alex Pare's Business and Family LifeMar 29, 2023
Faisal: Good morning, good afternoon, good evening. We're here with the one and only Mr. Alex Pare, we're gonna be jumping into this conversation to find out whether Alex was out of his mind for investing a bunch of money into coaching, or he got something out of it. And, and we're gonna have a genuine conversation about this.
And the purpose of these conversations and this new series on my podcast and YouTube is to really help you understand when you need to get support and what kind of support you need to be looking for. And specifically, we're gonna cover what coaching looks like cuz a lot of people have misconceptions about what coaching actually is and what it does.
And ultimately for me, coaching is about creating results in your life. Coaching is about helping you move forward in different parts of your life, whether that's in your business or life, and getting you to look at your life in a much deeper and more expansive way. Which tends to change the quality of your life.
It tends to change how you show up. It tends to change how you move forward in your life, and how you take action. And I will shut up pretty soon and I'll let Alex go into this and I'll ask him some questions about it. First of all, thank you, Alex, for doing this. And thank you for taking the time to do this with me.
Alex: No problem. I appreciate it. Glad to have the opportunity.
Faisal: Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate you. And so I'll start off with this cuz I know I, I still remember I was actually in Europe. I was in Sweden when I had my first call with Alex. I was at my sister's place. And since my business is online, I can pretty much have those conversations anywhere.
And I remember the first call with Alex. And I still remember the hesitation that, that he had. And I know that was, and partly that a lot of people will be hesitant, but he actually had a negative experience. So, so first of all, tell us like, what got you to even think about coaching, and tell us about your negative experience before we go in the other direction.
Alex: I guess the need for coaching for me has always been there. I've always looked for someone to, or something out there to propel me further down the road quicker quickly. So when I got in with my real estate With Rod Khleif you know, that was, the coaching was in there, so it came with the program and, you know, for me, a coach is someone that I can have an infinity with, someone a connection with.
So I guess when we first talked, we, again, you were far away and we just got into it and it was very subtle, very calming, reassuring you know, on what I'm, you understood what I had planned and what my difficulties were. And you know, just talking through things, it's not about, you know, giving tasks to do, but it was just, it was good because again, going back to my negative experience I did have a coach in the past and it was very different.
You know, life isn't all rainbows and unicorns. So in the coaching there's good you have bad experiences, not with the coach, but just in your life, and the coaches there to help you through that, guide you through that. So the coach that I had was always just, you know, always everything was happy-go-lucky.
It was all good. Good, good. And, you know, I think he was there more of, of the financial game than to helping people. And that came out in his coaching. And then one day we saw him on the news that he had defrauded, you know, a couple of hundred people up in the country where he was at. So that kind of ended it for me there.
So yeah, I mean when, so
Faisal: so you had a feeling about that, but then you saw it in the news?
Alex: Yeah, it was just, that was my first like real coach I had in business and it was just so, it was more of a business coach. You know, so he was just having us do things that were very unconventional. You always get that gut feeling that it's like, wow, this is, you know, it, it, things are meant to be scary at sometimes, you know, where you move forward.
You're not in your comfort zone. It is scary at times. But that coach had me and my wife, on pins and needles all the time. Like what are we doing? You know, it was a lot of investment financially, and just the risks we were told to take were for me out of proportion. So we had that gut feeling that something wasn't right.
And, you know, I was in that coaching program, my mother-in-law, my brother-in-law, so we all, it all kind of exploded at the same time. That, you know, we saw him on the news that it wasn't the right thing for sure.
Faisal: Okay. Thank you for sharing that. and by the way, that could happen.
That's why one of the things that I tell my clients or anybody I talk to first there are certain coaches that feel aligned with certain clients and vice versa. I think you need the right coach for yourself. I may or may not be the right coach for you.
That's why whenever I connect with people, I wanna understand what they're looking for and I wanna spend some time getting to know them and understand how I can support them. And I actually take them through an experience of coaching so they understand what I'm offering. And that's what I did with Alex in the first session.
So I wanted him to see what the coaching is like with me, and then he can make a decision. And for me, I also run a mastermind where I train other coaches too. And we have hundreds of coaches and within the group and, coaches, most of them are well-meaning they will do their best.
But not every coach is at the same level of quality. Not every coach has done their work. Some coaches are starting off, some coaches are bringing up practices that have nothing to do with coaching it's not a regulated industry. I would say it's not an industry where there are certain standards.
For example, if you are a therapist, there are certain standards you follow. Of course, there are good math therapists as well that you can get. Or if you're a lawyer, there are certain practices, industry practices. There are no industry practices per se. There are some loose foundational organizations that kind of give certifications to coaches.
And then ultimately it's up to coaches, to develop themselves, to build their skill set, to work on their craft. And I would say, On the other side of it, I would say very few coaches are really in it for the craft. Yes, it's part of their job, it's part of them. It takes, it takes a certain type of person to really care about the craft of coaching.
It's just like the craft of any other profession to really learn and really get feedback and really practice and really see what happens. And, and that's what we're trying to do actually in our, in our mastermind, is to help coaches go more towards the craft of coaching because money, finances, business, that's all a product of that.
That's all an effect of that. And part of our vision is to really help build the industry as well. And it's a big vision. It's not easy to do. And bring it under an umbrella of what are the foundations of coaching and how can we make it a little bit more standard while keeping the nuances of coaching.
Cuz every coach will approach it differently. There's a lot of freedom there, but also understanding that there is a certain foundation of principles such as coaching is not about telling people what to do, it's more about getting people to discover what's truly important to them. And there's a lot of discovery that happens in there.
And ultimately I'm never telling Alex what to do. I'm getting him to find out what is important to him and where he can take action. And that comes from Alex. And, and I want him to go into that. So by the way, in your experience, would you agree with that or would you say that I sit there and tell you what to do?
Alex: No, no, no. I agree with, I agree with what you're saying, for sure. And that's, I guess that's why we connected so quickly with, you know, my coach before was totally opposite.
Faisal: Okay. Thank you for sharing that. Now. Now lemme put it this way. Why do you keep putting money into coaching? Why do you keep For me, it's an investment.
I do too, but I'm like do you have too much money?
Alex: No, no, no definitely not.
Faisal: What incentivizes you to invest in coaching consistently? you have been for the past couple of years now. We've been working together.
Alex: Yeah. You know I guess the world of coaching is, it's not cheap.
But I guess it's the commitment that comes with that. You know, why keep investing? When we first started things progressed a little slower. Well, for me, this is just my experience. So for me, they progressed a little slower. And then there are just little nit bits that you're like, Okay, well this makes sense and that makes sense on things that we talk about you know, business life in general.
And then at some point during the coaching there, you have one, I call it a revelation. So you just, something clicks. So when that clicks for me, I'm like, oh, this is what it's about. this is what this road is all about here. This is the progress you see. And when people are around you like my wife will say, wow, you're doing this now.
You've never done this. you, I can see you're changing. So when your wife says you're changing, I don't see it. I'm still the same guy the first day we met, but apparently, I'm not. So, you know, that's when you're like, okay, well this is working. It's a labor of love, you know?
It just keeps on going and growing and growing and that's why I keep investing because I see the progress. Well, I'll take that back. I don't see it, but people around me see it and then they come to me and like, well, there's something different about you. So that's for me, enough to keep going on this.
Cause I see, and feel something different.
Faisal: Yeah. And, we'll go into what you see differently. But that's a really good point around usually and it is very normal. Like if you have kids you don't notice your kids growing as much until somebody else comes in and tells, he is like, holy shoot, your kid has gotten taller.
Like, really? I see him every day or her every day. Yeah. Like, or what you, because to whatever our normal is, our experience. Like we are living the same thing every day. And, as we're growing, we don't actually notice the internal growth. Until we start to get feedback from our environment. And feedback is really important in our personal life and professional life to see what's happening.
Our customers start to notice, for example, if you're in business, that your behavior has changed. In business, our spouse, and our children start to notice that our behavior has changed. They start to connect with us differently. And a lot of coaching is I would say it's an inner game.
So as you start to shift what's happening inside and naturally it starts to show up in your external environment. And of course, there's an external component of taking action and staying committed to what matters to you, but it all comes from inside. So I wanna kind of go make it a little bit more tangible.
So as you started to, besides the fact that Helen told you that, Hey, you're changing, which is good, that's a good sign. and Helen has been awesome. So I've started to do some sessions with Alex's wife as well. And I'm hoping that even those sessions once in a while help her kind of connect to the path that Alex is on and I can see that it's starting to make a difference.
So maybe we'll start with that. Did it, has the coaching impacted how you approach your relationship with your wife and how you guys create your common vision as you move forward? And has that been helpful?
Alex: It's been helpful. It's been helpful to clarify my vision. It's been helpful to clarify a lot of things, the surrounding my life, my intimate surroundings.
So yeah, it's been easier to discuss with her what my goals have become, cuz clearly they've changed. So, and with her talking with you, it's getting, we're getting on the same playing field. It's definitely helped.
Faisal: Yeah. Awesome. and so what does that mean? So as you guys are going, and are on the same playing field, what does that mean in your day-to-day experience?
What does that do for you?
Alex: Helps us as a team go in the same direction. You know, we still, you know, again, we're, we're not one person. We have differences in goals and how to get there, but, you know, at least if we both see the end goal or the big picture that's where I like to be. So we're, it's, it's a work in progress.
Faisal: Yeah. And what I have really appreciated about you and Helen is that I've always noticed that you, you guys have a really, really good relationship and it's inspired me a lot too in my relationship in terms of like how you connect with each other, how open you are, how you are more like friends.
From what I saw. I've seen you connect with each other very well. would you agree with that?
Alex: Yeah, I mean, we're not typical. We definitely talk to each other like best friends sometimes, or like, you know, two company owners that bicker. So we're married, we have kids we own two businesses together, so we're together a lot in different roles.
You know, on weekends we're husband and wife during the week where business partners, so it's hard sometimes.
Faisal: And I mean, that's a great testament. The fact that you two can work with each other is huge. Because what I find, and this is really important for people to think about as they're thinking about any kind of support, is that we don't realize, especially in the Western world, people tend to love different lives even in the same home.
Like to me a lot of times as I've connected with my clients, that's why I had to bring in the couple's coaching piece in it. And we haven't done a lot of that with you and Helen just because in that, pointing to that, I always thought that you guys have a really good connection is just that there was a lack of clarity in terms of direction.
So having those deeper conversations with you to help you clarify and get Helen to clarify what she needs to do, automatically got you guys on the same page, versus with other clients, I've had to do more couples sessions, because there was a lot of heaviness, a lot of disconnection, a lot of lack of respecting a lot of things that had built up over the years that it was very hard for them to make sense of.
So we had to get on a call, literally both of them, to work through some of those things. So that's why I've started to go more towards that as well. And but with you guys, like I said, you, you have approached it and, and you've had a really good relationship. You've been supportive of each other.
It was just more clarity that was needed. Now, on average, what I notice more is that people like couples live different lives. They live as if they're like more like roommates than they are in a relationship. They don't, they generally don't have a common vision. They just have an idea of where they're going and they have an idea of where their finances are.
They have an idea of where their children are to some degree. But if you, if I really get them to sit down and ask them, what, do you have a common vision for life beyond the day-to-day stuff that you're doing? And they don't, they completely live separate lives, and it tends to kind of separate them over time.
They are not working on common things other than the fact that they have kids together or they're running a home together, which are big things. They're important things, but they don't. And a lot of times, as we go deeper into it, they start to realize. , holy shoot. Am I even connected to this person?
And a lot of my clients, start to realize that when disconnection happens, when they start to not respect each other when they start to not feel connected with each other when they start to live completely different lives and it feels like they're not even together but even if they haven't gone to those, and usually the way that shows up is they start to hear, well, I don't even know who you are.
Well, they're actually telling the truth because they've lived under the same roof, but they haven't had enough connection points. There are couples that I know who will not see each other for months at a time. Like, they will see each other, but they haven't connected with each other. Like they will see each other in passing a lot.
Like you will see anybody on like if you had roommates, literally you would see them. They're doing their own things, but you haven't found out what their life is about. How are they growing, how are they changing? And essentially, human beings change. Especially if you are ambitious, especially if the quality of your life matters to you, especially if you're running businesses, very likely that you're changing.
And if the other person is not interested, if your partner's not interested, more than likely, the person that you know is in the past. It's not the current person. And I know you've changed a lot over the past couple of years, I would say every few months there's a new version of you that's appearing
Alex: Yeah, I think so.
Faisal: Probably been hard for Helen to catch up, but, Helen has this been changing too? So what are your thoughts about that?
Alex: Yeah, I mean, definitely you hit a, you hit a point there that, you know, I feel it and I've changed in the years that we've been together.
And I think Helen, she is following suit because we have the same goals, same you know, we want to, it's just the way of getting there that we're trying to work on right now. I think we have the same, pretty much the same end goal. It's just, you know, it's hard. It's not hard. It, it's just a little, little difficult, you know, me being invested in coaching with you and her, not as much, which is fine, but I bring up things sometimes.
She's like, well, you're way ahead of me. I said, well, I know, you know, that's why I'm telling you this. I am way ahead of you. But it's working. It's working, and I can definitely see, I know people, like you said, that don't see each other, don't talk. I mean, you know, I pay you for coaching, but I don't, Helen does, you know,
So, you know, it's, we're all one. And we're just a team.
Faisal: Yeah. And, and this is just, just so like if you're listening to this and you're considering, well, do I need some kind of support? By the way, this is not a judgment because I've been in places where I've been completely disconnected from my own relationship.
It's more about how can you be more honest with yourself. Because I get to this day, I get couples coaching, to be honest. To this day I have multiple different coaches because I'm working on different parts of my life. I'm consistently growing. It's very, especially if you're growing and you're building things in your life, it's very hard to keep up even with yourself, let alone with other people.
So you need, somebody that helps you direct, and ultimately it helps you create the quality of life and your relationships and your business and who you are in terms of your purpose and vision. And those things are important especially if you're doing You have values around creating a purposeful life.
You have values around creating a legacy for your kids, for your family, and for your community. You have big goals. Those things will matter to you. If you are an average person that's going about life, I just wanna go to my job, come back, watch my tv, and just chill. That's your choice.
That's fine. I completely understand that. You might not be that interested in your, content in the way things are, and that's good. That's fine, that works for you. But what I'll urge you to think about is if you are somebody who's more motivated, somebody who wants to do bigger things, somebody who wants to create a different quality of life.
People, somebody who wants to create more freedom. It requires quite a bit of work, but a lot of that work is internal. And what we're trying to get to is even something that Alex shared is that a lot of times one person starts in a family. They go, whether that's based on their ambition, based on their growth, they jump in and they, they get to come across coaching or something like that, start to move ahead and they start to feel like, oh, my spouse
I'm feeling like they're falling behind. I feel like I'm growing, but they're not. And one of the things that I've learned, first of all, help my client to understand that everybody has their own growth pattern. Not everybody's ready for the kind of growth that you're on. That's why my spouse or Alex’s needs to be ready for it.
Now, a lot of times, especially when a husband or a wife says, well, my wife or husband needs coaching, first of all, I need to know if they're getting the support before they go. And second, even with, for example, Helen, I was open to having a conversation with her when I did, and she was open to, and she's starting to get into that more.
And she's starting to see that that's an important piece, even if it's less than you. And it might be that she might need less of that. I don't know. But the point is that everybody has a different journey and it starts with us, starts with us taking responsibility for who we are, and then other people around us, they start to kind of move with us because we're modeling the way rather than telling 'em what to do.
Would you agree with that, Alex?
Alex: For sure, a hundred percent. You know, we have to be ready you know, for coaching, the person has to be ready for it. I mean, I was definitely ready and I was wanting Helen, when she did talk to you, to be ready and open. I mean, if you're, if you're not open, if you're going there because you're forced to go, then it's not worth it.
You have to be open to the conversation. And again, just to reiterate, what you said earlier, coaching happens inside the client. there are no directives, no things to do, and there are things to read, but you know, you're just a vehicle to make us realize what we need to do.
Faisal: Yeah. It's not about me ultimately, coaching for me, it's that I need to help direct your thoughts toward what's important to you. What are your strengths? What is your potential, what are the things that truly matter to you? And a lot of that comes in the form of questions. It doesn't come in the form of me telling you what to do.
I might share perspective, I might share experiences, I might share other things, but ultimately it always comes down to you cuz I, I'll always come back to you and say, well, what does that mean for you? Because you know your life much more than me. I don't live in your day-to-day life. And that's actually a challenge for a lot of coaches cuz they might like, cuz.
After a while of working with somebody, you start to get to know the person. You, you might go in the illusion thinking that, oh, I know about my client, I should tell 'em what to do. And there are coaches who do that. And I'm, I, I consistently review these sessions and I'm like, well, why did you feel like you, you could say that about their life.
And, as they talk about it, they start to, you can tell that they kind of start to feel like, I could tell this person what to do just because I had seen a part of their life. We never know enough. Like even if you think about your own life it's very hard to even know what's happening. Like, I'm here, my wife is in the house with my kids.
I don't know what the hell's going on all day. To be honest, if I go with the idea of like, let me tell you what to do, it's, I need to be more open. I need to be more exploratory as to what's happening. Cuz they have their own world. A lot of my time is spent here. Even that's just difficult, let alone somebody that you have never seen their life and you've never been around.
And that's why I think coaching works very well is that we're not, as coaches, we're not here to tell people what to do. We're here to help people discover what is deep down within them, what are they trying to create? And ultimately, the belief, the underlying belief is that you have the potential to create what is important to you.
It's just that the powerful mind and consciousness and soul that you have, you just need to use it the right way. And that comes from actually introspection and that comes from committing to what matters to you. And, and so that is, and I'm also like, part of our discussion is I'm also educating people about what coaching is.
And ultimately the only way for you to know what coaching is is for you to jump on a call with somebody or a coach. I know it can be nervous, I know it can be all that stuff. But get in touch with a coach, whether it's me, or another coach. Just have a conversation and ultimately most coaches will offer a bonus session or a discovery call at a low rate, to help you see the value of coaching.
And if it is for you, great if you can move ahead with that coach. If it is not, go find another coach for yourself because I think the investment makes a big difference. I want to go to the business side of things cuz I know you have a couple of businesses.
And, for business owners, a lot of the time it's the bottom line, like what's happening and also is this impacting my business in a positive way. So what would you say has been the impact of coaching on your business or you moving forward in your business?
Alex: It helped with my stress management.
You know, having multiple businesses is stressful as it is and, you know, it helped with mitigating stress, getting more organized time management. These are all things that I still struggle with, but it definitely has been helpful in that area. it's a work in progress. but it definitely helped.
And then seeing the potential you know, again, as you said, you asked questions of us and it's like, well, I didn't know I could do that there. I've done, as you know, a lot of things. In these past couple of years that I'm like, you know, I have set goals and I've met those goals, and now I'm at a point where should have set a goal that is twice as big.
So that's where our limiting beliefs bring us to, you know I've shared goals with you that I was like, oh my God, if I get this, I'm, I'm gonna be so happy. And I'm here and I'm like, man, I should have, I need more. I need, I need a bigger goal. So it's definitely helped with that. You know, just, just help grow in every and every aspect. You, we, you know, you have to keep growing.
Faisal: Well, you don't have to. You get to, you can make a choice.
Alex: Yeah. It's better. It's better. It feels better.
Faisal: Yeah. of course. And it's interesting cuz There are people who are actually terrified of growth, to be honest. And it's very hard to, most people I work with just like you, who are more ambitious, who are more driven.
Not everybody's like that, actually. That's a very small percentage of the world, I would say. Most people, they just, they're looking for certainty. They're looking for comfort. Partially works for them, and partially it doesn't at some point. and there was a time I, I was like that too. But at some point, something clicked in for me it was a difficult life circumstance.
For many people, that's the case when they hit a wall and they're like, oh, this is not meant for me anymore. Or they come across something completely new. But I would say a majority of people, they're not on that path. And for those who are on it, it feels normal. So if you are like, well, everybody should want that, Maybe, but ideally, not everybody's ready for this kind of growth.
Alex: Yeah. so there is a certain level of fear in growth. There's a certain level of fear of being uncomfortable, but I've been uncomfortable for the past two years now. You know, you get outside your comfort zone. It's, it's, I guess it's the way of looking at things.
You know, growth is fun, but it's also scary. It's the unknown and it's just dealing with that which, you know, it's not that scary, but it's the unknown and that's, that's where we have people to help us, guide us through that.
Faisal: Yeah. And I think we've gone through so many sessions where at the end I've asked you like, what did you love about this session?
Like, oh, I hate it and love this part. So it's like, of course, it's uncomfortable. It's supposed to be uncomfortable because coaching is just me just having a normal conversation with you. I mean, you might as well go have a conversation with somebody else. It's about getting challenging you to get out of your comfort zone, cuz that's where your progress is.
And so you mentioned a couple of things around your business that you got more organized. Of course, we're all on an ongoing journey around that. You got more organized, you got more focused on what matters and you're able to deal with stress in a better way, which is a huge thing for business owners.
Stress is a consistent companion for business owners. And there are two things in there. There's how we regulate our own system and also the other side of what meaning we assign to it. What is your favorite phrase around business?
Alex: It's only business. It's only business. And guess who taught me that?
Faisal: We've had many conversations about it. It's only business.
Alex: Oh man. Yes. Many, many, many. that's for a whole different podcast, just around that saying,
Faisal: well, we'll have that conversation around it. But the idea is that I mean, it's a funny thing that it's only business, but every day there are ups and downs.
It's not like when you're going to a job. Yes, there are challenges and everything at a job too. But it's fairly consistent. You're going there, doing your work clocking in clocking out, and coming back. And if you like that, that's good. But if you're going in business, you know that there's like this up and down.
And if you don't know how to regulate that, here's my theory around it. Most, most startups fail. Like 90% of startups fail in the first two years. And statistically, that's true. That's probably one of the reasons why banks don't, won't even loan you anything unless you've gone past the two-year mark.
And I don't think that's inherently business itself. I think it's how we process, the stressors and how we make sense of them. And that second part, as you said, it's only business. We're associating a meeting that this is a normal part of business versus somebody else might look at, shoot, something is off.
I can't move forward in this direction. And that's very normal to happen for human beings. A lot of people will quit because they see the challenges in business. But that business and also some of the most successful entrepreneurs I've talked to, after they make a certain amount of money, it stops becoming about money.
It's about the challenge. It's about the challenge of growing something. It's about the challenge of learning this, the challenge of worrying themselves as, as much as people might think, entrepreneurs care more about money, they actually don't. because after a while, money stops becoming an issue. Once you learn how to create it.
it becomes more about, well, what's my next challenge here? What, how can I make a better process? How can I make a better product? How can I make a better service? How can I support my clients better? How can I create a bigger vision around this? And that's very important to understand as a business owner.
and by the way, if you're a multi-family real estate investor or a real estate investor, you're a business owner,
Alex: oh yes you are
Faisal: Cause it doesn't click into Well, I'm an investor. Well, yes, but you're running a business in the background. There's a lot of work. So let's go into your family life.
Cause I know we've had actually before we go into that one, one of the things that we've worked on, and, and this is something common with my clients, There are things that are holding us back from the past. Sometimes it's the way that we're conditioned to think, it's the way that we're conditioned to feel.
We've gone through a lot of exercises that kind of help you process that better and assign a different meaning. And there was a time when you didn't want to go into the office because a lot of your work was in construction in your business, and that didn't feel normal to you, but now you don't want to go back into construction.
And that shift, that mindset shift in your experience had to happen. But do you feel like that was, that was a process that came about coaching to help you create that identity shift?
Alex: Yes, for sure. You know, as I said before, the limiting beliefs are just things that were conditioned as a kid, you know, our parents used to say, you know, work hard, save your money, work, you know, work, work, work.
You know, and then that's how I was in my business. I would work for my business and not for my business. You know, so to this day, it's still difficult. You know, my wife actually works in the field still, and she's just, you know, she's in the office also. So it's, again, one of those things we talked about earlier about, you know, working with your wife.
But, you know, for me owning a construction business and also investing in real estate it's given me almost no choice but to be in the office. There are so many things going on right now that I have to be here, and I've been accustomed to being here now that a couple of days ago went on a job and just to see the job, to order materials it just, I felt out of place and I caught myself and I'm like, okay.
Yeah, we've definitely changed. We've definitely changed.
Faisal: Yeah, definitely, and now you're at a point where you're starting to let go of a lot of the things. And, and this is a mindset that a lot of business owners, they, because when you're starting a business, you do everything. You do the sales, you do marketing.
You, you are in the operations, you are in the even day-to-day stuff. you are kind of the worker and the business owner. But as a business owner, you are running an organization, you're running a system at some point. That's stepping back and working on the business, looking at it from the outside is, it's, it's very, becomes very difficult because you've kind of built this thing on your own in the beginning in a sense.
And now you're having to let go of control and most entrepreneurs will struggle with that part. Even some of the more successful entrepreneurs that I know, they get very good at their marketing and lead generation systems. They're still the bottleneck and here they might still grow.
Yeah. And when you watch their experience, because they're a bottleneck. They're not growing as fast as they could be. They're not scaling cuz every decision needs to come through them. And on top of that, what ends up happening is, in their experience, they're incredibly stressed out because they're constantly, instead of actually working on the strategy and vision and, and setting up the bigger things that are constantly trying to figure out what their employees or contractors and other people are up to, their team members are up to.
It's like micromanaging pretty much everybody. And I've also seen the other side of the, the, like some amazing entrepreneurs who understand the organizational side of it. Yeah. I've literally, I've seen this happen in real time where I've had a conversation with these bigger contracts that I'm a part of with this business owner, I've had one conversation.
When they see the value of what we're offering, they're like, okay, my c e o is gonna take care of that. And he assigns it. And because they, they, they have built a culture, the c e o assigns it to a different one. And by the time we've gone through a journey with them and we're creating a common agreement and we're serving their clients we've dealt with four or five of their team members and the original owner doesn't even know what's happening, to be honest.
He knows the overall. And as he starts to see, cuz he, he is experimenting, is this gonna actually move my business forward or not? And when he starts to see, or she starts to see that it's having an effect on their clients, a positive effect on the clients and the bottom line. Now they pay more attention to it.
Now they're like, okay, let's get them more involved. And that's, and I've seen that in action. It's beautiful. The owner doesn't even know that his business is getting better. It, it's like such, and that essentially that's what an entrepreneur is. You're creating a system that runs itself. And that's a hard thing to do.
And you're in that process of building that. So would you say that you've begun to go in that direction where now, you're thinking about letting go of a lot of the stuff in the business, getting to focus on more high levels?
Alex: Yeah, for sure. You know, that's the goal ultimately is to just oversee everything.
So that's, that's what we're striving towards.
Faisal: Awesome. Awesome. Love that. And let's go a little bit into what you mentioned, because one of the things that I've noticed part of it was stress, but I've also noticed your energy has shifted a lot. I still remember, I used to get on a call with him and one of the first things he would say is like, oh my God, life is hard.
This is what's happening. This is what's happening. You don't do that anymore. I don't even have to say this. Like, I do ask, what are you excited about? Even when I used to ask, I've asked the same question, probably how many sessions now? At least 50-plus sessions. Oh yeah. How are you doing?
What are you excited about? You used to jump into oh my God, business. This is what's happening. That's what's wrong. This what's wrong? And I had to kind of keep bringing you back. Okay, I understand that. Thank you for sharing. What are you actually excited about? And it would take you about a good six to 10 minutes to get there, but now I don't have to do it.
That's a huge shift. And that doesn't mean that the problems have stopped. The challenges have stopped. It's just that,
Alex: oh, they're still there.
Faisal: Orientation is different. what do you think happened there? Like, your energy's so different.
Alex: Yeah, I mean it's just now I'm trying to focus on, you know, our mutual saying it's only business.
You know, that's what I, you know, problems here or there. I mean, it's, I'm not the only one going through these problems in business. You know, there are people that have bigger problems than me and some do not. So for me, it's just focusing on the end goal. I'm always getting the end goal in sight. Just going through, just rolling with the punches.
Just, you know, it's, we're in business, we're in real estate, you know, it's, it's not perfect. You know, whoever says you're gonna be a millionaire in a year in real estate, let me tell you something, follow me. You know, it may happen, or it may not happen, but let me tell you, it's a journey. And there are bumps in the road, you just gotta keep driving.
And that's what I tell myself, you know, which is we have to keep going. We have to keep going.
Faisal: So what that tells me, is your self-talk has shifted
Alex: a lot. Yes. A lot.
Faisal: And what does that help, how does that help you in your experience? Do you feel like you're more focused on gratitude? Do you feel like you're more focused on the positive aspects of your life and business versus
Alex: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, journaling every day. I mean 98% of the time I journal every morning. That helps just to, again, count your blessings, and gratitude write down your goals so when the problem comes, you're like, oh, well, just, this is just part of the process to get where I need to go. You know, and just being grateful for what you have.
I tend to forget that sometimes, and my wife tends to remind me of where I've come from, and what we have. You know, sometimes, sometimes we tend to look at the people that have more than us and feel envy. But then you look back from where you were five years ago, what you have, you're like, yeah, not in such a bad spot.
So that's where your mindset changes.
Faisal: Yeah. Yeah. I completely agree. And I, and I love because. A lot of people not, might not think much of that, but our day-to-day experience matters a lot. Like if you're spending most, and this is something, it's that hustle culture that has been kind of brought into is like, well, I'm always hustling.
And what they, it depends on what people mean, but the general, what people mean is that if I'm stressed out, that means I'm doing good. I don't think that's, that's the right way of living life. I mean, think about it from a quality perspective. Like if I'm in my work and I'm not excited, I'm not connected, I'm not purposeful.
Yes, there are stressors there. That's a normal part of life. I don't wanna admit that. But if I make my whole identity as an entrepreneur who's stressed out, entre. I bring that into every part of my life. And that's what business owners often do is they take that in their family, they take that cuz they're always stressed out.
They become more of a habit even if there aren't any stressors there. So for me at least personally my values around that is that regardless of what's happening, I want to enjoy my work. I wanna feel purposeful, I wanna feel fulfilled.I care about the work that I do. I wanna feel like I'm growing consistently within what I'm doing.
And I spend a good eight to 10 hours, four days a week in my office. And if I'm not fulfilled by this time like that's a good chunk of my time. What's the energy I'm taking to my family? And this is now thinking about those who are businesses or who are going into business or any kind of life.
You can, it's very hard to separate how you show up in one space from another. Yes. We have certain differences. But the energy that we carry in one space will show up. Because I remember there was a time when I used to hate my job and I couldn't stand it. I would bring up, no matter how much, like I would be aware of, like, I don't wanna bring my work and stuff, I would be stressed out.
I would be in constant frustration mode, and I would bring that energy home. So what kind of energy when I'm done here, kind of energy I'm bringing with my girls with my daughters with my wife, That makes a huge difference. And that makes a huge difference in the quality of your experience plus just how much of our time is spent at work? Like why do you want to hate that? What are your thoughts about that?
Alex: No, I think about that a lot. You know, I mean, it's, it's, and you know, I tell my kids the same thing. You know, they're getting older, so, You know, what do you wanna do for a living? And they wanna do A, B, C.
And as long as you like what you're doing, you know, that's the most important thing. You know, even me as, as a younger child, I don't care what I do. If it pays, if it pays, the money's there. But being wealthy and miserable is not fun either. So you have to like what you do. I mean, for me, I like doing what I do as far as my construction business.
It's, I'm changing that. I'm trying to pivot in a different direction with my construction. But real estate, I love it. I mean, it's, you know, a lot of people in my surrounding, oh, I wanna be an investor, but I just, I enjoy doing it. You know, I enjoy going out to see buildings and such. So I guess, you know, liking what you do is a big part of it.
You have to.
Faisal: Yeah. Yeah, definitely. And, and also part of coaching is Really, for me as a coach to help you see, your strengths, to help you see certain things that you might not see yourself. A lot of times it's very obvious for others to see it, especially if it's a coach who is in, like, I, I wanna know what you are really good at.
I wanna know what matters to you. And there's actually a whole field of coaching. Its coaching is based on strength, finer, and one of my coaches, she's actually in that, she's really good at that. But really for me, one of the things I've noticed is that you've had this superpower around connecting with people, and that's not normal cuz to you, your experience looks normal.
But if you, if I'm looking at like a hundred different people, maybe one in a hundred people might have, might have that skill or one in a thousand people might have that. And do you think that has helped you to notice that part of you more, to go more in a direction of growth in your business? Start to notice that strike, then amplify that part.
Alex: Yeah, I mean, as you said, I've never thought of that as a superpower. Never. I've just been the way I've been, you know, I've heard my mom say that you know, as a child, I would make friends with everyone. We'd go to the beach and my mom couldn't find me. I'd be with the lifeguard in his tower, you know, talking to the lifeguard.
I'd make friends everywhere I go. And that was just, that was just me. It's like making friends where I go. And as me and you started talking and I, I realized that, yeah, not everyone's like that. I mean, I see people that I would think that, oh my God, if I had, if I had their looks, their clothes, whatever, I could just, you know, be on stage.
And I'm like, and I see them and they're petrified of talking to someone one-on-one. Yeah. Me, I can't understand that, but that's just the way I am. So it definitely brought more attention to that than I ever thought.
Faisal: Yeah, I guess I see the value of that cuz I was one of those people who were better off talking to people one-on-one
yeah. Like to you. It's so normal. That's why it's so amazing for me because it took me years, and years to get to a point where I can connect with people based on who I am. And there, there was so much work that was done there, but then I watch you and some of my other clients and they're like natural at it.
I'm like, holy, how the hell do you do this shit? And are you, it's like you have a gift and a superpower, but you don't notice it because it's normal to you. And until somebody's seen the value of it, they, they don't know. Like there are a lot of things we take for granted in our lives, and some of those are in our environment externally.
A lot of those are inside of us. And, this is why I annoy the hell out of my family members when they talk about lottery tickets. Sometimes I'll tell 'em like, did you know that you are a lottery ticket? Are you gonna buy it or not? Yeah. That's my response. No really, but like, the truth is, and for those who, if you haven't read this book, the Alchemist.And did you read that book by the way?
Alex: No, haven't read it yet.
Faisal: Look up that book. That needs to be The Alchemist, a beautiful story around like, we go everywhere to look for like you said, people who have disabilities. That ability, we try to compare, but that's not us. We have a quote in our washroom. My wife got it. It's let me see what it says. It says something along the lines of, be yourself, everyone else is taken.
Alex: That's a good one. That's a good one.
Faisal: Every time I look at that, I'm like, you know what I spent a good part of my life trying to be other people. Now I'm beginning to even understand who I am deep down.
And that's, I, I think that's a lifelong journey. But as soon as you start to get who you are at your core, at your soul, it starts to shift how you show up in the world. You stop to compare yourself because you know that you're unique. You're different. Yeah. You're similar to other human beings, but you have certain inequalities to you that others might not do.
I think that a big part of, at least my type of coaching, is to help people understand who they are. Deep down. So one last thing I want to go into is your kids and your relationships. I know you have two daughters and you care deeply about how they are.
And you have other family members like your sister, you care about them. But specifically your daughters as well. Because I know we've had lengthy conversations about that, do you feel like coaching has impacted your relationship with them?
Alex: Yes, it has. Just to sometimes take things and implement them in a different way.
You know, just the way you approach them sometimes. I mean, I have two teenage daughters in this day and age, so it's like talking to a robot sometimes, you know, so you'll see so it's just, you know, every generation has their, their thing, so, you know, getting to their level sometimes can be quite difficult.
So definitely coaching is sometimes we tend to snap more at our kids than anything else. So now it's just to take a, take back step and just ease into a conversation that needs to be had.
Faisal: Yeah. And a lot of the time we don't realize that we need to be, because the generation we come from, like part of it is a generational gap.
And part of it is what's actually happening in their world, cuz what they grow up in, like a lot of the kids, what they're growing up when it's so drastically different than what I grew up. What you grew, grew up in. Like most of my time was outside. Like I was, it might have been different from your experience, you were at the, I imagine you were at farms and construction, all that stuff was part of
Alex: Yeah. live In Canada. Yeah.
Faisal: For me, I grew up in I was born in Afghanistan and I grew up in Pakistan, but similar cultures but different I spent a lot of my time on rooftops. I had pigeons. They were free pigeons, but they were my pets. I started with two and had 20-something pigeons after a while.
The most amazing thing, they actually come back and they are like your pets, but they're free to be however they want. And I did kite flying for much of my life. I used to build kits. I used to build the thread and the color of the thread. I used to do like, and I used to build other stuff. I used to play in the mud.
I used to go biking. That was a big part of my life. Yeah, we'd still watch TV here and there. But it wasn't screened constantly. It was a lot of our time outside. Now, looking at them, even for us now, like there's, screens are very dominant in our lives, but, but imagine growing up with that.
That's all experience that, you know, and, and it becomes very hard for parents to, like, how would I, especially if you haven't gone through the experience, how would I navigate that? And then a lot of times what you hear as well, they're just teenagers. No, they're not just teenagers that you need, we need to be a little bit empathetic to their experience and find out, how can we relate in some way and get them to connect with us regardless of their experience.
Alex: Yeah, no, it's definitely scary at times. You know, I was just like, you, you know, biking, hunting in the woods, building tree houses and whatnot, and, you know, screens were once in a while to watch tv. Now, as you said, the screen's everywhere. We weren't raised like that. And I see it's addicting.
It's the thing for, for us, and we're in our, our mid to late forties, you know, it's imagining a young teenager, it's easy for them to get on that and stay on. Yeah. Yeah. That's why we try to push them to do more outdoor stuff, you know, so it's a process.
Faisal: Yeah, definitely. So let's, let's go into One last thing.
If you were to kind of describe overall, the biggest thing with coaching that has made a difference tangibly for you, what would you say? What if you were to pick one point or two points?
Alex: Oh my God. How to explain this, would be the, I guess my outlook on life slash business. The way I deal with things the way I deal with stressful events.
Just a different, looking at life with a different eye. You know, that's, that's how I, I could best describe it. I mean, I could go on and on, but the in, in a short, yeah, in short, that would be what it is.
Faisal: Yeah. And I love that. What I hear there is that you're, you're able to look at your life from a bigger perspective lens.
It's not just your singular lens, but you can step back from your life and how you handle life is what I hear is more intentional versus more reactive. Would you say that?
Alex: Yeah, for sure. For sure. Just, you know, goal setting, journaling, all that stuff kind of opens your mind to the possibilities. You know, even the small things.
Even the small things, you know, it's the steps. It's the steps.
Faisal: Yeah, definitely. So would you recommend coaching for other business owners other investors, multi-family investors, or anybody? And would you recommend me as a coach?
Alex: Yes. I Do you recommend coaching, Cuz I think I think we all need it.
I, you know, whatever you're in, I think we, everyone needs a Coach. Call it a coach, call it a teacher, call it a mentor. We all need someone to help us and guide us. You know, I've been sober for 22 years now, and I recommend that therapy to everyone. You know, alcoholic druggie, you're not, it, it just, it opens another portal, you know, so we all need some sort of, the coaching just lets someone see that there's something else out there.
You know, we have these small blockages that, oh my God, I can't do this because of this. And then, you know, through your questions and, and exercises, it's like, well, you can't do this because just this little thing that's blocking you. And then you unlock that, and then the floodgate's open.
You know, there are other possibilities that come from that. So, and then as far as you For sure, because again, I've had a bad experience with a coach so I was reluctant to commit at first. We had, we had some talks about that. So, you know, me and you, I think we connected right away. you understand the struggles.
We've all had struggles. You understand a lot of mine. So for me, it was just the connection. I mean, there's a, there's a lot of coaches out there, so I'm sure there's a coach to fit everybody, but you know, as far as you, you've been great with me, my wife and her college struggles. You know, and even I think you even talked to, to my kids at some point, you know, so it's, it's not I see.
And I feel it's not all about financial gain and that's not how, you know, the beginning for business with me is financial gain, but. When you're doing something to help someone, to better someone else, then you ultimately better yourself. And that's what this showed me also, that, you know, stop looking at the money, you know, give, give, and then it will come back.
And I can see that in you.
Faisal: Thank you. I appreciate that. And then I, I really want to thank you for your trust in me and, and just trusting me with your whole family, not just you. So that means a lot, and also I really wanna celebrate you because you've become a better leader in your home.
You've become a better leader in your business. And for me, that's my big vision, which is to connect with leaders who actually care about where they are and who they are their identity, and how they impact their family, their organization, and the people around them. Because once we start to become intentional, a lot of people look for politicians and bigger governments to make a difference.
But it starts with our home, starts with our businesses, and starts within our community. And when my belief is that if everybody does their part, then we don't need a lot of outside bigger help. In fact, they will get more aligned with how people are. And most of the challenge is that we are not taught any of this stuff.
We are not taught how to be better leaders. We're not taught how to be better fathers, or better mothers better. Human beings, it's just a part of like, passively part of different things. But that's not the aim of the education system. That's not the aim of most of the systems that we're part of. And, and, and that's one of the reasons why I was so I was struggling as a young man for years and like, how come that was not part of my education system?
How come coaching like this was not part of my education system? And now there are coaches, there are mentors, there are people who are going out there in the education system, whether it's on the financial side or it's on the life side or relationship side. We're starting to see the bigger root causes of the problem.
And as soon as we build, help build better leaders, I think the world is going to go in a positive direction. It sounds like a dream and a cliche thing, but I've seen the differences in people's lives. Then, when you start to shift things, when people start to live more happily, more fulfilled, and more connected, they start to support their customers and clients and employees better.
The world naturally shifts towards the positive. And it's, it's not, it's not something new that I've figured out. This has been set by some of the best leaders. It's like Confucius said that from China, but, the health of the empire depends on the health of the family. Like when families start to go the wrong direction, the empire collapses eventually, and he's seen that happen enough times.
All you have to do is study history. You'll know that eventually governments, empires, and countries collapse because there were problems that were started within the smallest unit, which is a family. And I really want to thank you for being on that journey because you're not just helping your own world, but you're helping humanity.
You're helping the future of your kids. You're helping so many other things as you do this work. And for me, it means a lot. So I really wanna appreciate you on that. And I'm excited to see how you grow and support other people as you move forward.
Alex: Same here. Same here. It's definitely a journey that we will continue.
Faisal: Yeah, definitely. All right, so for those who are listening to this, make sure you like this and share it with anybody around you like a friend, mentor, colleague, sibling, or anybody that you think is struggling as I have. I've had a client in the past whom I was talking to Cindy.
She was having, she did this conversation for the first time. She was she had a friend that they had been talking to in their group for a long time. It's like, Hey, listen, you have a lot more potential. You need to quit your job. And, and they were talking to him for months. He had one session with me, one conversation.
He ended up giving his two weeks. There's a specific skill set that goes into coaching. It's like, it, it, we're not just talking. We're not just having a simple conversation, there's a direction that we're taking clients towards. You might not be the right person to coach your spouse or your son or your colleague or somebody else.
A lot of people are wearing multiple hats. They're business owners, but they're also coaches for their employees. Doesn't work, takes a lot of bandwidth, or they're in a relationship, but they're also coached their person. I can bet you as soon as you get support from the people around you, you'll start to feel better.
And you'll notice that the weight on your shoulders started feeling like it's relaxing. So this is for you to understand that you invest in your life and your business and the people around you will make a, probably give you the best ROI than anything else. And definitely share this and we'll continue this conversation.
And until my next video, hope be having an incredible day. Bye. Bye, guys.
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