For coaches, entrepreneurs, business owners, and real estate professionals

Success is often presented as a game of strategy.

Build the right business.
Find the right clients.
Close more deals.
Hire better people.
Scale your operations.
Increase your revenue.

But underneath all of these things is something we don't talk about enough:

Connection.

Connection to yourself.
Connection to the people around you.
Connection to the world you're trying to contribute to.

When those connections begin to break down, something else often breaks down with them — our ability to grow, lead, build meaningful relationships, and even enjoy the success we're working so hard to create.

And this is where the idea that connection can be an antidote to suffering becomes particularly interesting.

The Hidden Cost of Disconnection

Addiction is often discussed as a problem of substances or behavior.

Alcohol.
Drugs.
Gambling.
Social media.
Work.
Entertainment.

But underneath many compulsive behaviors is another problem: disconnection.

Disconnection from yourself can eventually create disconnection from other people and from the world around you.

And when life becomes painful enough, we naturally look for ways to escape that pain.

Sometimes that escape looks destructive.

Sometimes it looks productive.

That's an important distinction for ambitious people.

Because not every unhealthy coping mechanism looks unhealthy.

You can become addicted to work.

You can become addicted to achievement.

You can become addicted to constantly being busy.

You can become addicted to your phone, your business, your next deal, or the pursuit of the next level of success.

There is nothing inherently wrong with work, ambition, entertainment, or achievement.

The question is:

What are you using them to move toward — and what are you using them to move away from?

That question can change the way you understand yourself.

Disconnection Doesn't Always Look Like a Crisis

One of the biggest problems with disconnection is that it doesn't always announce itself.

You may simply feel stressed.

Numb.

Unmotivated.

Restless.

Overwhelmed.

Disconnected from your work.

Disconnected from your relationships.

Or you may find yourself constantly reaching for something to distract you.

The phone.

Another meeting.

Another project.

Another deal.

Another drink.

Another episode.

Another goal.

The behavior itself may not be the real problem.

It may simply be the thing you're reaching for because something underneath it feels uncomfortable.

This is why awareness matters.

Before reaching for the next distraction, pause and ask:

Why am I doing this right now?

Don't immediately accept the first answer your mind gives you.

Pay attention to what is happening internally.

What are you feeling?

What are you avoiding?

What feels uncomfortable?

What are you trying not to experience?

Sometimes the body recognizes disconnection before the mind can explain it.

The Three Connections Every Leader Needs

A useful way to understand this is through three fundamental areas of connection:

1. Connection to Yourself

This is your relationship with who you actually are.

Not the version of yourself you've constructed to impress people.

Not the identity your industry expects you to have.

Not the person you think you need to become to be successful.

You.

Your values.

Your emotions.

Your thoughts.

Your needs.

Your deeper sense of identity.

For leaders, this is incredibly important because leadership becomes difficult when you don't know yourself.

If you constantly need external validation, you'll make decisions based on approval.

If you're afraid of criticism, you'll avoid necessary risks.

If you're disconnected from your values, you'll eventually build a business that looks successful from the outside but feels empty from the inside.

Authenticity isn't about saying whatever you want or refusing to change.

It's about being able to operate from a deeper understanding of who you are rather than constantly being controlled by the fear of what other people might think.

For a coach, this matters.

For an entrepreneur, this matters.

For a real estate professional, this matters.

Because your business decisions are ultimately an extension of the person making them.

2. Connection to Relationships

Humans aren't designed to operate alone.

You don't need hundreds of people around you.

But you do need meaningful relationships.

People who know you.

People who can challenge you.

People who support you.

People with whom you don't have to constantly perform.

This becomes especially important as you become more successful.

Success can create distance.

Your position changes.

Your responsibilities increase.

People begin treating you differently.

And suddenly, you can be surrounded by people while still feeling completely alone.

For entrepreneurs, this can happen when the business becomes the center of everything.

For coaches, it can happen when you're constantly pouring into everyone else but rarely allowing anyone to pour into you.

For real estate professionals, it can happen when relationships become purely transactional.

But relationships are not simply business assets.

They're part of what makes life meaningful.

And the quality of your relationships affects the quality of your leadership.

3. Connection to the World

The third connection is bigger.

Do you feel like you're part of something?

Or do you feel completely separate from everything around you?

Connection to the world means seeing yourself as a participant rather than a spectator.

You contribute.

You create.

You serve.

You collaborate.

You take responsibility for the impact you have.

This is particularly important for business owners.

Because a business isn't just a machine for producing revenue.

It exists within a larger ecosystem of employees, customers, communities, families, industries, and society.

The question becomes:

What are you contributing to the world through the work you're doing?

That question can transform your definition of success.

What This Means for Business Leaders

Here's where the conversation becomes practical.

If you're building a company, leading a team, coaching clients, or investing in real estate, you're constantly working with people.

And people bring their internal world to work.

Someone who is deeply disconnected from themselves may eventually become disconnected from their work.

Someone who doesn't trust relationships may struggle with collaboration.

Someone who sees the world as hostile may operate defensively.

Someone who believes nothing matters may struggle to commit to a meaningful mission.

This doesn't mean you should diagnose people.

It doesn't mean you should expect everyone around you to be perfectly self-aware.

Nobody is.

The more useful question is:

Are they willing to grow?

That's a much better leadership filter.

When you're choosing a business partner, employee, coach, investor, or even a life partner, perfection shouldn't be the standard.

Look for people who are capable of reflection.

People who can take responsibility.

People who can acknowledge when something isn't working.

People who are willing to grow.

Because connection creates the foundation for growth.

Connection Creates Growth

There's a powerful progression here:

Connection → Growth → Challenge → Discovery → Deeper Connection

When you become more connected to yourself, you naturally become more interested in developing yourself.

When you value your relationships, you become more willing to grow for the sake of those relationships.

When you feel connected to the world, you become more interested in contributing to it.

And growth inevitably brings challenges.

That's where many people stop.

They want growth without discomfort.

They want transformation without uncertainty.

They want a successful business without difficult decisions.

They want meaningful relationships without difficult conversations.

They want personal development without confronting uncomfortable parts of themselves.

But challenge is part of growth.

In fact, much of human discovery happens through challenge.

The goal isn't to eliminate difficulty.

It's to become connected enough to face difficulty without constantly needing to escape it.

Your Business Can Become an Escape

This is particularly relevant for ambitious entrepreneurs.

Work can be incredibly rewarding.

Building something from nothing can give you purpose, identity, autonomy, and a sense of control.

But those same things can become problematic when work becomes a way of avoiding everything else.

You may tell yourself:

"I'm just ambitious."

"I'm building my future."

"This is what successful people do."

And maybe that's true.

But it is worth asking:

Am I building because I am deeply connected to something meaningful, or am I constantly working because slowing down would force me to confront something uncomfortable?

Those two experiences can look identical from the outside.

Internally, they're completely different.

One is driven by connection.

The other may be driven by avoidance.

Don't Just Think Positive. Pay Attention.

One of the most common messages in personal development is:

Think positive.

But growth isn't always about thinking more positively.

Sometimes growth begins by becoming willing to feel what you're already feeling.

Notice the discomfort.

Notice the recurring patterns.

Notice when you're stressed.

Notice when you're numb.

Notice when you're constantly distracted.

Notice when you're working excessively.

Notice when you're withdrawing from people.

Instead of immediately trying to fix the feeling, become curious about it.

Ask:

What is this feeling trying to tell me?

You don't need a two-week vacation to reconnect with yourself.

Sometimes it begins with ten or fifteen quiet minutes.

No phone.

No meetings.

No notifications.

No performance.

Just enough space to hear yourself again.

The Leadership Question Most People Avoid

As leaders, we naturally evaluate other people.

Is this person competent?

Are they reliable?

Can they deliver?

Can they make us money?

Can they close deals?

Can they solve problems?

Those questions matter.

But there's another category of questions worth asking:

How connected is this person?

Are they connected to themselves?

Are they capable of healthy relationships?

Do they see themselves as part of something bigger?

Are they willing to grow?

And perhaps most importantly:

How connected am I?

Because the easiest mistake is to turn this framework into a way of judging everyone else.

The first person the framework should be applied to is yourself.

Start With Yourself

Before asking whether your team is disconnected, examine your own leadership.

Before asking whether your business partners are growing, ask whether you are growing.

Before asking whether your clients are avoiding discomfort, ask yourself what you're avoiding.

Before asking whether your company has a culture of growth, ask whether you personally create space for growth.

Leadership begins with self-awareness.

And self-awareness creates the possibility of intentional growth.

A Simple Reflection Exercise

At the end of your day, take a few minutes and score yourself from 1–10 in three areas:

Connection to self:
How connected do I feel to my values, emotions, needs, and authentic self?

Connection to relationships:
How connected am I to the people who genuinely matter to me?

Connection to the world:
How connected do I feel to my work, community, purpose, and contribution?

Don't judge the numbers.

Just observe them.

Then ask:

Where am I most disconnected?

And:

What is one small action I can take tomorrow to reconnect?

Maybe it's a difficult conversation.

Maybe it's taking a break.

Maybe it's asking for help.

Maybe it's spending time with someone you love.

Maybe it's stepping away from work long enough to remember why you're doing it.

Maybe it's finally acknowledging something you've been avoiding.

Small moments of connection can create significant changes over time.

Success Without Connection Is Expensive

The ultimate lesson isn't that ambition is bad.

It isn't.

Business isn't bad.

Work isn't bad.

Money isn't bad.

Achievement isn't bad.

The problem begins when these things become substitutes for connection.

You can build a million-dollar business and still feel disconnected.

You can own properties and still feel empty.

You can have thousands of followers and still feel alone.

You can become extremely successful and still be running away from yourself.

The deeper form of success is different.

It's being able to build while remaining connected.

To yourself.

To the people you love.

To the people you serve.

And to something bigger than your immediate goals.

Because when connection becomes the foundation, growth stops being merely about acquiring more.

It becomes about becoming more.

And perhaps that's the real opportunity for every coach, entrepreneur, business owner, and real estate professional:

Not simply to build a successful life.

But to build a life that you are actually connected enough to experience.

TRANSCRIPT

Connection as an Antidote to Suffering

Interesting take at it. It's if you can read it, I'll say it. But connection as an antidote antidote to suffering.

And this is not my claim. This is a claim of actually a lot of religions, a lot of spiritual practices that connection leads to um uh at least uh a lowering of suffering if not end to suffering.

And interestingly enough, science is catching up with that. We're learning that um the the thing that leads to addiction is actually disconnection.

An addiction is is the state in which we've lost control of our behavior and we get stuck with something and we repeat that over and over and we're in a suffering state. We're in a pain state but we can't get out of it.

We're learning that pretty much anybody who's in that state is disconnected from something and we'll we'll explore what that means.

But why this is important is this is important one for the quality of your life. Uh this is important for how you work with people whether those are people working for you or your partners. This is important in how you build relationships and even important in how you create your purpose in the world because without this piece uh none of the other pieces matter actually.

So we'll go deeper deeper into it.

And the first piece I want to explore is the which is that disconnection leads to addiction.

And I've personally experienced that.

And for me, if I go back um the reason why I got addicted to all kinds of stuff, at least from my experience point of view, was that I was actually I felt disconnected from myself.

That was a starting point of it.

That made me feel disconnected to other people. That made me feel disconnected with the world.

So when you're in that state, um, one, you're like to hell with everything. It doesn't matter. All I can do is mask my pain.

And the way I chose to mask my pain is through alcohol and drugs and anything else that would I remember I used to spend inordinate amount of time if I was not under the influence.

And I remember it was interesting. I would play a lot of games and I would watch a lot of um um movies and shows that would completely take me away from this reality like science fiction.

Now, I'm not saying all science fiction is bad or anything like I still watch them. I love them. I'll play games once in a while, but I don't get addicted to them. I don't get addicted to alcohol or drugs or anything.

The reason for that is cuz I feel deeply connected with my life.

And interestingly even the moment that I came out of it at least the beginnings of it is there was a moment of connection for me where I was struggling I was on the ground I had seen the effects of it on my body that pain pushed me somehow towards peace and a moment of connection and that pushed me back towards growth.

And and the reason why I share this for you and again everybody has a degree of it we might feel it's not an on and off uh button or switch is like to what degree do you feel connected with yourself in your life?

And we'll talk about different categories of it.

And then also as a leader when you're looking at other people around you, when they're dis disengaged from their own self, they're disengaged with the around them who are dis they're disengaged with the world or they're looking at the world in some uh apocalyptic way or some way.

Why are they doing that?

I I want to know more because usually there's a disconnection happening in those areas.

And that's what I want to explore is and it's going to sound a little bit controversial but but stay with me.

Connection With Self, Relationships, and the World

I've drawn this and it says connection self relationship the world and it has kind of pointed a finger or whatever to God.

So what does that mean?

I'll explain that.

Um maybe it'll land maybe it won't but but this is actually how most religions actually describe God just most people don't pick it up at a deeper level.

So what I mean so first of all it's those are the three areas that are important connection with yourself with the core of who you are with your soul with with who you are who you are before the world got its hands on you.

Or in other words, we another way of describing authenticity is being yourself in a way where you if you weren't afraid of somebody.

So authenticity is being yourself in a way where you're not afraid of anybody criticizing you, putting you down, punishing you or anything.

So that's why I meant before the world got its hands on you.

So that [clears throat] connection to self is incredibly important.

We're learning more and more that that is a force for you. That is a force that's born with you in a sense.

Even a 2-year-old understands the value of um as self autonomy in a sense.

You try putting on trying to put their laces on uh when they're 2 years old.

What do they do?

They they take it like I want to do it myself.

Why?

because there's this there's this autonomy that they want to experience and over time they realize that there are certain things they cannot express. There are certain things they cannot connect with because it goes to the opposite of whatever environment they're in.

But there's a level of authenticity or this connection with self that we need and we need to be able to express for us to feel feel like we are connected internally.

Um and if you want to take that deeper that is the con like from a religious lingo that's the connection with your soul.

The second one is connection to relationships.

This built into our physical DNA is as human beings everything in our in our DNA is hardwired to look for relationships.

That's connection with the people closest to you.

Now, you don't need hundreds of people, but you do need at least a couple of people, at least one person that you know will will accept you, understand you, support you no matter what.

That could be a friend, that could be a parent, that could be um uh a uh a community or some people within that community.

It needs to be somebody.

And and and inherently when when I was uh like in some of my worst states I remember there were two things that always crossed my mind one was my I I even though I felt so disconnected from myself relationships in the world but there were ounces of like I said it's not an on and off there was some level of connection that I had with my faith and with my family that kept me hanging by that threat it was the images and pictures of people around me and the moments that I was I did feel connected It was the moments that I did feel connected to God that were like there's more hope there that I didn't completely go either towards suicide or making the matters worse uh uh through my behavior.

And and and that's also what you hear when you when you invite when you interview people who have gone towards the brink of suicide or they've done all kinds of crazy stuff.

What you find is this is that um they never they didn't feel like there was anybody that cared.

That's the language you hear a version of that language that nobody cares.

You get somebody to that point then this life becomes way too painful. It becomes way too difficult.

Then the last piece is the connection with the world.

Now what does that mean?

It means that do you feel like you're part of the world or you feel like you're so disconnect you want to just stay away from everything and everyone.

Now that doesn't mean you can't have likes and dislikes. You can't agree and disagree with other but it means that you feel like you're a part of something bigger.

That could be your community. That could be the whole world that you are a contributor. You're a part of it. You're a participant in this world.

Connection and God

And I'll go back to that diagram that I shared from a religious language point of view.

All this actually points to God.

Because if you look at the root of all religions, they all talk about one thing and that's oneness.

Oneness. Oneness with God.

What does that mean?

That means that if you're connected with yourself, if you're connected to the people around you, if you're connected with the world, you understand that there is an intelligence that's keeping everything together.

And at the essence of all of that, everything that's being run is actually God.

It's that energy, whatever you want to call that.

You can give it different names, but that's what we call uh God.

That's that essence is what we call God in different languages, and different cultures and different things that we are deeply connected to something bigger than ourselves.

And it brings everything together.

And I've kind of broke it down to what is you important in our day-to-day life as to like if you were to categorize it, it's connection to self, it's our relationships and the world at large.

If you have those, you have you're connected enough to live a purposeful life, support those around you, and connect with those that um that matter and and operate in the world as if operate in the world as if you are a participant. you're a contributor and you're a participant in this world.

You're not broken off from it.

And that from a religious lingo point of view is essentially God.

Here's the problem.

From an atheistic point of view, we don't have a term for it.

We don't know what that is.

And this is part of the reason why a lot of people struggle with the atheistic philosophy is because it doesn't have a term that brings all these together.

And of course, people have all kinds of versions of God.

But I'm talking about the in a deeper sense, all God is is is one energy, one intelligence that brings every aspect of your life together.

If you have that, it gives you a sense of purpose. It gives you confidence. It gives you a sense of connection with everybody else. It gives you a mission and a path to go towards.

Now, that doesn't mean everybody who say they believe in God and they're like that.

It just means that at a deeper level that's what what what pretty much every religion has tried to communicate.

Now people have taken different pieces of it and gone towards it.

What Connection Changes

Why is this important towards me?

I don't care if you say I believe in God.

What I care about is do you have connection with these three areas of self relationships in the world?

If you feel like you're part of you're connected to these three in a powerful way, then you will operate as if you're you you have faith as if you trust the people as if you trust the world.

You're able to take risks. You're able to support people. You don't feel like you're constantly need to protect yourself.

And that's what shifts.

When that shifts, you're the way you perceive the world shifts.

You see beauty more. You see, you see love more. you see people doing good more.

You don't just see the negative aspects of the world.

That doesn't mean you ignore all the negative, but but you're able to see that.

And two, the second part is you act as though there is good and you're meant to to bring out the good in this world.

So you support people, you create work towards causes, you collaborate, you you have a bigger mission and purpose.

You don't randomly go about your day.

That's essentially what what what you would do regardless of whether you or not you believe that I believe in God.

In fact, there are people you'll find that they operate this way.

They will not say that they're religious or spiritual.

But if you really spend time with them, you will you will see that there are some of the most spiritual people.

You will feel it.

They don't need to say the words because they're operating as if there is they are part of something bigger.

They're operating as if there is a deeper self within them.

They're operating as if those relationships are sacred and important.

They're operating that they have a they have a role to play in this world.

As soon as you take that out, we also have a word for it nowadays, nihilism, where you stop caring about things.

You you feel like this can even if you cared, you'll be like, "No, I nobody cares. Why should I care?"

And that's one of the worst situations to be in.

Connection as a Leadership Lens

So, and the reason why I'm sharing this is that you will be working with people, partners, employees, and all kinds of stuff.

I want to know how they're operating.

And if they're disconnected, more than likely they'll be disconnected from the work that they're doing.

If they're disconnected, any important part of their life, this their life, whether it be themselves, their relationship, or the world at large, they will operate as something will not add up.

That's why I take the time to get to know my business partners.

That's why I take the time to get to know anybody in my life that what is happening.

And again, I'm not looking for perfection.

I'm not.

But what I'm looking for is do they have a certain level of connection in all these areas?

That usually leads to a little bit more harmony than more.

And of course, everybody has room to grow, including me.

[clears throat]

As I'm sharing this, so I want the first finger to be pointed at me.

I don't want it to sound like I'm lecturing others.

But so you can look at it for yourself, but you can also look at it from a leadership point of view.

Who are the people that I'm partnering up with?

Who are the people that I'm spending a lot of time with?

Are they disconnected from these areas?

Are they Are you able to support them?

If if you are, great.

If you're not, should I be spending time with these people or at least a lot of my time with these people?

And [clears throat] how's my perception of the world?

Connection Equals Growth

And then the next piece of it is if you see that if you see that it's important to connect with yourself, it's important to connect with the with the relationships around you in the world at large.

And that gives you that sense of oneness then you will see that it naturally moves towards growth which is that's what I've done is connection equals to growth.

Which means that you naturally uh for example if you see that yourself is sacred your deeper self within and it's important for you to understand this you naturally care to grow within that area.

If you see that your relationships are sa sacred, you will naturally want to grow for the sake of your relationships.

If you see that the world is an important place to preserve, you will naturally act as if it's sacred and you will protect it.

You will at least do your part to protect it or contribute in the way that that is important.

And then that leads to discovery through challenge.

And that's the the most important theme in human world is discovery through challenge that you're willing to face all the struggles and challenges that come with that growth because it is important for you to grow.

It is important for you to support other people around you.

It is important for you to be a contributor in this world.

So, so you're willing to face almost anything that's hard and everything will be hard.

Everything will be difficult.

You're willing to face that now and it is why you go towards growth.

And finally that comes circling back to discovery leads to connection with self, connection with others, connection with the world or more of it.

And then that's what we call a spiritual experience.

And and that's what pretty much the the the shamans, the uh the mystics, the the deeper holders of the keys of the relig religion has always called us that you will feel one with everything.

That doesn't mean you won't have problems.

You won't have challenges.

That doesn't mean you will be perfect.

It just means that you feel like you're part of something important and it's important for you to preserve and grow and support others around you.

The Spiritual Element

So the reason why I'm sh again the the only reason why I'm sharing the spiritual element of it is because this is why and then I I think religions do a horrible job of explaining.

Took me a long time to go through this journey to figure out oh everything they were talking about God those were what are surface stuff what they were really saying is that there's one energy at the core of everything that connects everything and it's an intelligent energy and once you understand that then you understand that everything around you is sacred.

If everything is sacred then you don't you're not just approaching things randomly.

You don't you don't you're not whatever about sacred sacred things.

You're looking at yourself your body to be sacred.

You take care of you your your thoughts are sacred.

Your emotions are sacred.

How you how you use the powers within are sacred.

How you interact with people are sacred.

How you um how you deal with the world is that and all that connects to one energy.

You can call it whatever the hell you want.

And like I said, the atheistic world doesn't term for it.

That's why I couldn't even was trying to figure out what that is.

No term for it.

And this is why u theists they're like well give me an alternative to God and they don't have it because it doesn't exist.

The alternative is to completely be nihilistic that everything is random.

Everything is disconnected.

Nothing matters.

Purpose doesn't matter.

At that point you're like okay I'll do whatever I want whether it's good or bad.

Now that doesn't mean atheistic people are negative.

They might, like I said, they might not say that they believe in God, but in their experience, they act as if they were connected with everything.

Some of the best people I've met, they they don't have a proclaimed belief in God, but they when you watch them, they're deeply connected people.

They're giving people.

They're loving people.

They're they they act as if they believe in God.

And and you will also see the opposite of it.

Some of the most so-called godly people, they will act like they believe in no God whatsoever.

They will sound completely atheistic.

Not sound because you will hear the right words, but their behavior is completely the opposite of what they would they say they do.

Why?

Because they they are just using the words.

They don't understand what it means.

Leadership, Relationships, and Growth

And so for us as leaders, what that means is are you looking at yourself?

Um and that and that are you connected with that yourself, the deeper part of yourself or at least you strive to.

Are you connected to the people that matter in your life and are you connected with the world in a way that's meaningful where you are going towards that purpose that matters?

If you're doing that um the proclamations are less important than your behavior a lot of times.

And what does that mean for you as a leader?

That means you're also surrounding yourself with more and more people like that.

Whether those are business partners, life partners, uh those around you, you want to be surrounded for with people who see that sacredness, who see that connection as valuable.

They don't need to be perfect.

They don't need to be the best.

You are not, I'm not, but they need to at least uh at least show in their behavior that these things are important.

And if they are disconnected, they're open to growing out of that.

Connection in Relationships and Teams

Now, I wanted to bring this bigger theme in here. however it landed.

But I want to go on Thursday, we're going to talk about and go much deeper into connection with your relationship.

But it is part of this bigger theme that if you're not connected with yourself, you will not be connected in your relationships.

Uh and vice versa as well, but it starts with self.

And this is why whenever I work with couples, I want to know what's going on with the with the person.

If the person is not willing to move forward towards grow, you can give them all kinds of couples, therapy, coaching, counseling, whatever.

None of it will work.

But if the person is willing to shift, a lot of things can change.

Um, and so and and the same goes like when I'm working with teams, what kind of culture are we working with?

Is this a culture of growth or is this a culture of everybody's disconnected and nobody's able to move forward?

And we created an environment and a culture that growth is a normal part of that that that world and that's why people either new people join or the people that were there they shift.

Recognizing Disconnection

Uh right before you're about to uh pick up alcohol or marijuana or whatever it might be um it doesn't matter.

Now ask yourself why am I picking up this thing?

What what is the what is the reason for me for picking up this thing?

and slow down for a moment and notice what you feel because you'll be able to tell in that moment what you feel disconnected with very quickly.

Now your mind might say all kinds of stuff that oh for social reasons for me to relax for me to but I want you to pay closer attention to your body because your body will tell the truth first.

Uh your your body will give you a signal and usually it's it's something is off.

Something is off emotionally in that moment.

That's what you're seeking in.

Something feels painful.

Something feels intolerable.

Something feels like you can't deal with.

So you're reaching for this thing that actually helps you in the moment.

The problem is that it creates a bigger problem on the other side.

So the reason why people actually even go for any but like there are other forms like work can be addiction because it helps you move away from it gives you a sense of control in the moment but it but it can break down other things if it has if people don't realize why they're going towards it.

There's nothing inherently wrong with work.

In fact, it's a very positive thing but you can get addicted to it because you try to overcompensate for something.

So um all all you need to do is I don't need to tell you what it is.

In that moment ask yourself why am I picking this up.

What is the reason?

Once your mind exhausts the reasons pay attention to your body.

You'll notice that there is a disconnect.

There's something you're compensating for.

Reconnecting With Yourself

It's a weird world we're living in.

People think that uh for you to grow you just have to think positive.

Actually it's the opposite.

It's not to think negative.

It's to actually feel the discomfort in your life.

Notice the discomfort and the patterns of discomfort and that's what you're doing in that moment.

Create simple small moments in your life to reconnect with yourself.

It doesn't require a whole vacation to reconnect.

But even if you get 15 minutes, 10 minutes, how can you try to reconnect?

If you can do that, you will probably not need it will be good to go on a vacation, but you probably won't even need it.

Um it it the problem happens that in our day-to-day we get completely disconnected from who we are and and and I'm going in depth because this is such a big problem that I see.

It's the same pattern over and over pretty much with everybody that I en encounter with is that they they don't even know what disconnection looks like.

Uh they don't know the face of it.

They they will say things well I'm stressed out.

Well, what happens when you're stressed out?

What what are you losing in that process?

Or what happens when you're numb?

you're not feeling anything.

What happens to like those are different phrases or words that that define that same thing.

So that means in that moment something something is telling your mind to and and by the way that doesn't mean your phone is a problem.

That doesn't even mean social media is a problem or whatever it is that you go into.

Um it just means that in that moment uh your mind is asking you to reach for this thing that will distract you from whatever you're feeling in that moment.

I have a challenge that I'm not dealing with versus I don't know why I'm going into this.

Awareness

There's this there's a story of um actually this might be a real story of Carl Young and this other philosopher or psychologist.

They were sending letters back and forth to each other.

I heard it from Alan Watts.

They're like, you know, it's all good cuz they were deeply embedded into practicing this this thing called um like complete honesty with themselves.

And they knew that nobody could be completely honest with themselves no matter how much they tried.

So in this letter this this I forget this doctor's name but he's like you know um I love the exploration to this paraphrase exploration of what we've been doing but you know what sometimes it's just fun to not be honest with yourself in that moment and just run away a version of that because laugh at it because human times we want to we don't want to have to constantly think and deal with all that stuff which is fine but Be aware of what you're doing.

The biggest problem happens when you're not aware.