Authenticity, Culture Programming and Acceptance with Monica Fawn

Jan 03, 2023

We can try to avoid it, but the problem is that our business, especially as a service provider, coach, author, speaker, and content creator, our businesses are inexorably intertwined with our identity, our beliefs and our abilities, and our purpose. And all of those things are greatly influenced by and many times limited by our society's culture, and our instinctual need to be accepted. 

What about authenticity do you think is one of the most important things to understand about their personal development or even their business aspect? 

So everybody's gonna define it probably differently, but the way I look at authenticity is, the way I shared it in the last interview was it's connected to your ever-evolving identity.

And I'll give, give a model around this that I have, and I give that in my group coaching sessions, is that imagine your potential to be this, this ocean of self, this ocean of potential. You don't know what it is. Because none of us know, and, and we, we've even said this, within the scientific world, within philosophical world psychology, that nobody understands the potential of the human consciousness.

We say the mind, but we don't know what that is. So let's say if you look at human consciousness, our potential is a mess. We don't know the limits of it. So that's your true identity, is that potential? That's my assumption. And there's a concept that we've learned in psychology and I use that to help my clients move forward.

And quite a few other teachers do that too nowadays too, cuz it is just something that makes sense that where you are right now is if you act out everything that you are right now, that'll feel authentic. So if you have certain values, if you act them out, if you embody them in your day-to-day life, that's authentic to you.

If you are going towards the things that matter to you, that's authentic to you now every human being, if you think about it. You look at yourself a certain way right now, but you also have an ideal version of yourself. You're striving to become that self. I would love to be, let's say as an example, more confident with other people, more honest, more connected, whatever that is.

So aspects of your identity, that you have an ideal perception around it, and everybody knows that. So if I ask them, can you describe an ideal version of yourself or can you gimme three words that would describe that you would give me that? And so, My model is, the way I look at it that every ideal self, every conception of the ideal self that you have takes you one step closer to that ocean of potential.

It's just one step forward. You don't know what the potential is. Nobody does. And nobody can define it for you, including yourself, because whatever you think is your potential is probably much bigger than that. This is why people, like, it's one of the safest bets for trainers and personal development coaches and all these guys to say, well, your potential is 10 times more than what you think or a hundred times they can make up any number pretty much. So you will see a ground card on the like 10 x everything. That's a very safe number. . It's actually a very safe number because you will recognize that you are probably able to. Capable of creating something much more powerful than whatever you conceive right now.

So the next step in your identity, that ideal version of yourself, once you have that conception, then you begin to embody that. In the beginning, it doesn't feel very authentic and people will say things like imposter syndrome. I don't feel like that's me because you're moving out of this identity to a higher version of yourself.

Higher conceptual version of yourself. And as you slowly go, all of a sudden as you embody this new identity, which is connected to your vision, as we talked about last time, you begin to feel like you're stepping into that this becomes your new norm. And then at some point, this becomes the same as a last identity.

Then you have a new, because now you're in a whole different level of skill, different level of awareness, different level of connection, different level of knowledge, everything, and all of a sudden you're you, how you view your ideal self completely changes. And it's not like linear going, it could go in a completely different direction.

And my assumption is that every step of the way, as you learn more about yourself as you embody, it's not just about learning conceptually, but as you embody it, as you live this new identity, you get closer and closer to your potential. And so what is authenticity? The authenticity. For me to be authentic to my higher version.

To be ever-evolving, ever-growing, which is where it comes to a lot of natural things about us that we already know. We didn't have to know this model to know. We all wanna learn, we all want to grow, we all want to connect, and we all wanna expand in some way. To some degree, it's different for a different one, but we all have these natural impulses.

Why do we have that? And it's not just individual. Collectively as human beings, we have that. The one common theme with human beings is that we take a lot of risky shit. Like we do ridiculous things that nobody would even think. Like we would just go get on a boat and go off when we thought the earth was flat and just we would fall off.

But we were fine. But that. We would go up on a mountain that we thought we know that there's a good likelihood that we're gonna die or we're gonna jump into a river or off the waterfall, whatever it is. We'll do anything or there's a more accurate, or there's a side of us that pushes us to expand or that's inspired to expand the same side of nature that's wanting to expand.

But there's also a side of us that's self-preserving because if you're not alive, you can't do the expansion. So there's a dance between the two. So authenticity is being open, for me, it's being open to that evolution and embodying it. That whatever feels true to you towards that ideal self. So this comes from you, not from your neighbors, not from your parents.

You might have been inspired or you might have modeled somebody, that's fine, but it has to connect with your heart. That means you have to feel deeply connected to this ideal self. And that's what I feel. So it's not a static thing that, oh, I feel authentic and this is my state. And also you're not gonna act the same way with different people either.

That identity will vary in different contexts too. I was wrong about this cuz I was like, oh, once I became a certain way if you watch my older videos, you will hear this. I wanna be the same in every situation. That's not true. That doesn't work.

We're very dynamic in nature. We'll adapt to different contexts as long as we hold the core of whatever that is. And the core goes down to your core vision and core values. 

And I'm so glad you brought all of that up because I think that when people approach, especially from a business aspect, interacting with past friends and family or going out and trying to build an audience, being a content creator, a speaker, an author. When it comes to authenticity, I think that there's a hesitation or confusion there that makes it complicated because they feel like in order to be truly authentic, I need to be the same in all areas. But as a multifaceted human being that is actually inauthentic, that as a multifaceted human being, there are different kinds of personas. We have different personalities within us, and not show or fluctuate, those are what can become inauthentic. But being authentic per the situation, per your role, per whatever it is that you're working on or working to achieve. I think that's one of the things that. I knew, but again, that deeper understanding of it came from working with you.

I visualized it as I had all these different pools and I felt like I had to sit in the same pool and always be in that pool with all these different pools of my likes and dislikes, my personality, my style, my talents, like. The type of person, it's still me, but I have different roles for different people in my life.

Like, here's my clients and here's my work, here's my friends and family, here are my peers, here's my spouse. You know, all those different arenas. But to know that all of it is authentically me, gave me permission to get in different pools more often and more fully explore those potentials of myself. Where before I felt like I had to sit in this box of, oh, more the Tom girl. 

Oh, the more reader or whatever it was that I couldn't go out and delve and speak to that fact. The identity shifts that come from exploring those pools. If I had been stuck in the pool that I put myself in when I was in middle school and high school, I would never be a speaker. I would never be a podcaster I was afraid like you said in the past episode, I was deathly afraid of speaking and that's one of the things you challenged me on almost right away in one of our first calls, but to open up and see that potential 10 Xing a hundred xing, that potential within myself. Multifaceted human beings. I don't know how to put more emphasis on that and the exploration of that as well. 

One of my favorite analogies is like we're a Mr. Potato Head, and I use this with my branding clients because we have all of these pieces within ourselves, but we feel like we always need to put on the same thing externally. But if we explored all the pieces within ourselves, we would know more, we would grow more, and we would connect with more people.

But there might be pieces in there that we don't want anymore, or there might be pieces out there that we can adopt and then further wear in our journey of that potential self, of our best self, like you were talking about, I think. 

Yeah. I love that. And the difference would be that the Mr. Potato Head it's a good analogy and it explains some aspects, but it's still a very static system, right? 

It is limited. 

It's very limited, but within the natural world, the aspects of you that are available are incredibly expansive. we don't know, what they are. And then from, based on your, so your past, you mentioned that What happens is as soon as you become open to a different side of you, you naturally let go of what's in the past. Think about how you used to be as a human being. Like, think about five years ago, 10 years ago. Do you act? Anything like that?

Do you think like that? Do you feel like that? Probably very little. I don't feel anything like my 20-year-old or even myself from two years ago. Yeah. I, I feel very different now. I think differently. So, then what's the, and I want to go cuz I love finding out, well, what makes us hold on to something.

Like what makes us want to be a certain way. So, For me, one of the things that kept me safe as an individual, as a child was that I was really good at school. I didn't have to put in a lot of effort. So my parents praised that a lot because it was important to them. and I could get away with a lot of things cuz I was good at school. And they kept comparing me to my younger brother who was not good at school, and that would create problems between us, but they didn't realize any of that stuff at the time.

So me being good at school became my identity. and that was actually in the culture that I was in, that was not considered a nerd, essentially because the more academic professions like being a doctor, engineer, lawyer, like a brought prosperity to people at that time, so, that became, in a sense, my safe persona.

If I had maintained that, that good son who was good at school, I was safe. I wouldn't be punished. In fact, I would get a lot of rewards out of that. Right. So there was another side of me. Even then I was also rebellious in my own way, and so I loved video games. We didn't have video games at home.

Later on, we did, but I would go outside to these stores that had those arcade stores, but the arcade there is not as safe as here. If you went as a little kid to arcades, you could be abducted, molested, and all sorts of stuff by people. So my family did not want me to go there, but nobody could stop me from going there. I would get to a go to a point of stealing to get there.

I would take money from my mom's purse. I would sell her China stuff that she didn't know she had. I would do all sorts of things as long as I would get my way. Yeah. One way or another. So, I had those two sides of me, but the side that helped me feel accepted was the academic side. So I kept continuing that on the Goodson persona and all that stuff up until a point, up until I was 17 years old.

And as I realized that, that worked within that context, but it doesn't work in the world anymore. . And this is what I'm pointing to. Why do we hold onto a persona? There's the pain and the pleasure side that we have, right? If we get a lot of pain for exploring a different side of ourselves, we'll keep that to ourselves.

And George Carlin has a comedian, he has this thing like, so we do all sorts of stuff. As we will, we'll make a joke, we'll say something and people laugh like, oh great. And then we'll all of a sudden we'll say something and everybody just starts saying. It's like, I'll keep that shit to myself. This is very like, these are normal things every human being across the world will experience cuz it's a human thing. Because our internal biological instinct is to be accepted by the community, by the tribe. Not because it's a good thing to have, but because if we don't get accepted, and this goes back to our evolution then we are outcasted. When we're outcasted, we can't survive on our own. Now it's not physically true in the world right now, but to our biology, that's true.

So that's why we can't go out there and speak our thoughts. Because if we speak our thoughts and, and people don't agree with them, we get rejected, then we get outcasted. That is as painful as dying. 

So why would you wanna do that? We can't go out there and say that, oh, I have this great business idea because what if it doesn't work out and then I get rejected and I get, and then I see failed and we hear. Fear of failure, and all. Everything boils down to whether you are gonna be accepted based on the way you're gonna grow or rejected. And the one common thing is if you watch people who expand, grow, and create things that nobody else can even imagine.

They had to put a pause on that instinct, they had to say, I am freaking shit scared of this, but there's some part of me that's pulling me towards this thing. I need to go. And that's the freedom side. That's the possibility side. That's the purpose side. And when that calls, if you feel connected enough to it, there's no amount of fear that will stop you from moving forward.

We'll do all kinds of crazy shit. And, you see examples of that, like, I mean, think of like I grew up with the story of Prophet Mohamed within Islam. He grew up in a very tribal war-like people, and all of a sudden he brings this religion to bring all these war tribes together under one God and one concept of God.

This is the stupidest thing to do. Why would he do such a thing? Well, that was his calling, that was his purpose. And he literally created the next thousand years of human development out of that. He didn't know that at the time, but he felt connected to that. And despite, and it was physical danger on him, Jesus, physical danger.

But for let's say modern times, somebody like Elon Musk. He blows up rockets like they're toys. Why does he do that? Literally, like toys that are like the billion-dollar, trillion-dollar rocket blows up. It's like, okay, we'll go to the next one. I guess it's not because he likes doing that. He probably feels an immense amount of pain around that.

He has a bigger purpose around the, for some reason he feels called to put us on Mars for some reason, I dunno why, but he must put us on Mars, or whatever other picture that he has. But he's serving some kind of role, some kind of purpose for the bigger human consciousness. So he has to put a pause on all sorts of judgments, all sorts of instincts that he, that doesn't mean he doesn't feel afraid or somebody doesn't feel afraid.

It means that you have the ability to put a pause on that fear, which means, it's not like they don't feel the fear. They can say, I see it, I feel it. This is much more important. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is much more important because it's connected to a side of me that I really want to know. Why?

Nobody knows how to explain that, but we all have this. If we get connected to this, it's the most addictive drug, I'd say in the most positive sense of the word that you can find. And going back to that game analogy. So I don't know why I was seeking that, but at the, well now I know looking back, I don't play games like up until I was 23, I was obsessed with games.

No, up until I was 28. I was obsessed. That was around the time I started going towards all this stuff. As soon as I went into the world of coaching influencers, and talking about these things, this became my game. This is what I was seeking. It was just like that had an inkling of what my consciousness needed like it was serving some kind of purpose and nobody around me understood why and I've been beaten up about that. I've been lectured about that. I've been so many things I never stopped and I always bring this up. I'm like, you know, all those things that you guys did never worked right. 

I think the video game, I've heard it as an analogy used so much for like this up-leveling.

There was this nerd fitness, this is how I discovered the paleo diet through a website called Nerd Fitness. But they used that video game aspect of leveling up, of completing challenges to get to your next level. And they built their academy basically off of that, where you pick a character based on a certain type. What your goals were You became a certain character. So like in those characters' role-playing games, you get more things, and you accomplish more things. But they were speaking to the nerd group, I guess and approaching them in this way. 

But I think in all aspects of business, of personal development, if we did take this more playful side the challenge is good. The challenge isn't something to be afraid of, of something that we don't want. But in a game, we want the challenge cuz we know the rewards, we know the next level and we wanna continue growing. But I think we don't apply that to our own life sometimes because it's more difficult because we have these invisible blocks.

And I think because of what you had mentioned, I wanna call it like the feedback filter where we're saying something new, we're learning, we are shifting an identity. We're following our authenticity to this next pool, but based on the people who are surrounding us, we get negative feedback and we shut it off.

Exactly what you've said, I've consciously, very consciously made lists in my head of what I don't say to certain people. What I don't wanna share, what I don't wanna share with anyone. . But as my network of people has grown outside of that with my clients, with more community people in the group coaching community, I've made amazing friends where there's none of that like feedback filter where it's encouraging and where you say the weird kooky woo-woo stuff that people will be like, wow, I don't wanna talk to you anymore.

It's everyone gets excited and feeds off of it and we just feed and grow off of each other. So I think one of the things in this identity, in feeling more confident to be your authentic self in exploring that I think is a community of people who are doing similar things.

It might not be the exact same, but the fact that we are growing in different ways, we are supportive, encouraging, and have an outside perspective to help us with this tool, this thing, this idea, this book that we might not have found on our own journey. So, That is my one tip, I think for how I felt more comfortable in exploring these different levels of my authenticity and identity shifts for myself.

But what do you think are some other exercises or practices or things that people might be able to do to kind of play around with this aspect? 

Just the gaming part, I just wanna notice something like, what, where did games come from? Human beings created them. Right? Why did we create games the way that we did? Because it's a safe environment for us to explore that expanding part of us. What do games have? Higher levels of challenge consistently. What do games have explorations? What do games have learning? What do games have?

Like these essential things that are taught in very sophisticated coaching programs and training programs. We've embedded them already in games. . , why haven't you done that? Because that's a safe place. We can explore these things without being outcasts. So that goes to the second day you said. So the community is not just a good thing to have it's essential, like without that. So I could take you through a whole coaching program. You'll discover all sorts of things about yourself, but what, what are you gonna do? You're gonna go back to your family and you will feel isolated. You will feel disconnected because they don't understand what you think.

They don't understand what you feel and you can't articulate it. You'll have a very, very hard time articulating. I know you've had that challenge, Monica. We all do because everything that you are going through in life is experiential, it's very hard to put it in words. The only words that people understand is if it's within the realm of their experience.

As soon as you change the experience, unless you put 'em in that experience, they don't understand. It will spark a part of us that's curious and wants to learn, but they won't be able to relate to it. Right, to those experiences. This is why, when people and military vets, go out there and they have this comradery, they battle together, they move forward, they come back to the normal world, and they can't fit in.

Nobody understands their experience unless they're a vet. And They can't relate to them. So they get more and more and more depressed. So the community piece is essential. And what kind of community are we talking about? A community that understands your experience of growth. A community that is doing, the people within it, they're doing very similar things.

Not the same thing, similar thing. For example, the group coaching community that I've created, that's by design because I learned pretty quickly that I need to have that component, the social components. So I reinforce or try to reinforce the aspects of coaching. If you've gone through one-on-one coaching, you get it as a bonus.

The community, because all those aspects get reinforced by the social you begin to see, oh, this person is thinking the same as me. This person is supportive of me. This person understands me. All of a sudden it starts to build this physical-like safety. But more importantly, after the safety, what happens is, oh, now I can expand.

Now, I don't need to seek that safety in my family and my friends that don't understand I already have it in place. I can just go there and enjoy them. You're not trying to meet a need in a place that doesn't know how to provide it for you. It's not their fault that you chose to grow. And so, That is incredibly essential.

So the community piece reinforces whatever you are developing and that connects to our nature. If we were like somebody like a tiger, like a species, like a tiger, tigers meet their mate once a year or something like that, and they have their kids. The mom takes care of the baby, the male goes off.

They don't need social reinforcement. We do, we're more like wolves, more like chimpanzees. Our survival and our ability to grow all depend on the community. 

So, most of the world is being influenced right now by Western ideologies. So, There's a concept of individuality that's propagated a lot, and there's a lot of power in that model because it helps you connect to that individual side of you. But essentially, we're not our, our mind is not an individual mind.

You will notice that you have thoughts that are aspects of him that come from you. Aspects of him come from your world. Your language is a collection of thoughts from your culture. In fact, you don't have your own language. You have to use that language to create, to express how you feel. . that's one aspect of it, but even the things that you do, it's deeply interconnected to the culture and the world that you're in.

So nothing works without that social connection. And so then what's after that? assuming that you've begun your journey or whatever shape that has taken, assuming that you have people who are supportive of you, which that's not a great assumption because most people don't. So you definitely need to be around people who are supportive.

Who try to understand you, at least, who accept you for who you are, who encourage you to grow towards something that feels authentic to you. You need to start to begin to separate who you are in your deeper identity from the culture you grew up in. , it's the hardest thing to do because the only thing that you know is your culture.

At this point, is where expanding your perspective comes in. This is where learning about other people's experiences, this is where traveling, and seeing other environments come in. This is where spending time alone with yourself, what are the things that you feel connected to? What are the things that you love doing?

Who are the kind of people you love going towards? So the more you do these kinds of things, the more you create a clearer separation, at least in your mind. Oh, these are the things that I really want to do. These are the expectations of society. Now you're conscious of it, so you can choose to follow the expectations of society in one aspect, for example.

But you consciously now decide how you want to set up your life. Your life will be based on who you are in your, what feels authentic to you versus what society has told you should feel authentic to you. So, and this is one of the things that I love, I think Tony Robbins propagated this, like, you will stop shoulding on yourself, and you'll start doing the things that truly matter to you while you are being supported to grow.

And I love that you brought up the word should because I think that is one of those flags that we can watch for when we're trying to decipher what is authentic to us, what path do I wanna follow, and where might I diverge from this conditioning of my culture, and I think I started paying attention to that word about two years ago, especially when it came into relationships like, oh, I should really do this, but I didn't want to, or

It was one of those things of an expectation of others. And that's one of actually by Bronny Ware, the five regrets of the dying. The number one regret of the dying is that I didn't live a life true to themself and the life others expected of me. Bronny Ware was one of those nurses who helped people in the last few months or weeks of their life, and she started recording all the conversations she was having with these people. Because the reason she was there was because they didn't have family or someone there to take care of 'em. So she's hearing this and from men and women, that was one of the number one things. And I think that the word should be a flag for us to consider Why do I feel like I should do this when it's not a want or a need or a personal desire?

Is this an expectation of someone that I want to meet or an expectation of myself? Or is this something of the culture that maybe isn't authentic to me? I wonder if there are any other indicators that might be helpful in that, but I think you said the time alone. That's one of the most important ones for me.

I have called myself an introvert in the past, but honestly, I don't really know if that's that true anymore. It's just that I understand and have a need for alone time, maybe more than others do. And in that alone time though, if I am not digesting other people's content or podcast or music or tv, I can kind of find that the whispers.

What my own beliefs are and needs and desires and what I wanna do and how I wanna do it. They become louder when I am just constantly learning, digesting, and trying to follow someone else's how-to in business. My own path just gets smothered. And until I'm alone, sitting alone with my thoughts, do I really start feeling those?

And honestly, that's one of those things that came up in relationships within my life once I started listening to guided meditations and those types of things. Words like, I want a different life. , exactly as you said, I followed the whole American dream path. I didn't have any aspirations for myself cuz I had anxiety and depression as a young child at that point (16, 17,18) I was in survival mode completely, so my only goal was a secure job, a secure relationship, a house, a nice car, and I had all of those. And then I realized this is not what I want. I don't know what I want, but I know this isn't what I want.

And I became aware of that when I quit just chasing that security when I sat quietly with myself. So I think our authenticity, our desire another one for me, and I don't know what you think about this Faisal, but I was just talking to a potential client yesterday and he said he avoids social media as well because he just gets that envy of like other people's lives. But I like to try to use that envy as another indicator of like, maybe this is something that I want to do. Maybe this is aligned with my potential, even though I don't see it possible for myself now, maybe that true envy could be another indicator.

I'm not sure. Something that could be authentically me, but I don't feel comfortable exploring it yet. I don't see it as possible for myself. 

Just put it in a theme, there are many words in the language that is really powerful. because language is the thing that helps us understand most of the processing of the language is happening, in our conscious mind.

As human beings, we've created that to create not only complex ideas but more importantly to make sense of the complexity of the world, to put it in a model that our mind can understand it. So words. Like; should, can't, have, must, like these are all if you are, and this is not for everybody, so we have to be very clear here.

If you've bought into how society wants, like you, you are okay with, the way that you like society sees the progression of success and growth, then those words are great cuz those are your compasses.  but once you decide that you want to expand. Once you decide that you want to grow, you decide on your own, what your level is.

Then with that comes the realization that you have to start to question these shoulds at once because all these were placed by the societal norms and dogmas and boundaries. And here's the fear. The fear that people have, whether it's in a religious context or cultural cult context. What if I lose my mind and go out of control?

There's a risk there. There's an assumption you have to make that human being naturally go toward connection. We naturally go towards contribution. We naturally go towards building something. We're creative by nature. We naturally go towards doing something productive. And most societies who want to keep you within that box, flip that assumption.

They assume that if you get out of that box, then you will become a savage. You will die, you will this none and the other, because they have to, like, you are an essential part of that box. If enough people leave it, then the whole society structure crumbles. So it's self-preservation for society and it's understandable.

But as soon as you recognize that, oh, you wanna expand, you have to analyze all these things, and this is not an easy process, and a lot of times it's an impossible process because you have to look at something that you've been looking at all your life. You've been calling this a phone all your life. All of a sudden you look at it, This is not a phone, and you have to convince yourself that this is not a phone. Sounds like a ridiculous example, but this is why coaching is important because as you go through it, I'm looking at your life from a very different vantage point. I'm seeing things that you're not, and I'm helping point to them with questions.

I'm helping you look at this part of your life. That's part of it. I'm looking, I'm helping you explain your, inner world and at some point, anybody who was on the path of expansion, they need somebody to help guide their progress. And it's not a modern thing. Like in ancient times, there were gurus, there were people, and they weren't like the way we look at gurus, they were teaching people.

That's not how it was. It was a lot like it was an exploration. It was a dialogue. It was, most ancient texts are actually dialogues. And from that exploration, inner exploration comes, you decipher who you are and who you're not, and what you said I loved was spending that time alone. And this is why I even named the community the space creator's community, the more space you create between who you are and how others think of you. The more space you create between the thoughts that are language based in your head and your inner intuition, the more space you create between busyness and just stillness, and the more there's room for creation.

Creation of your new identity, creation of your new life, creation of all sorts of things. Again, this is nothing new this has been talked about for thousands of years in human experience.

As we think about this part, it's really important to understand that, and the thing that you said, you are beginning to think that you're not introverted. That's another one of those boxes that we put ourselves in. Oh, I'm, I want to spend time alone because I'm an introvert., there might be a correlation there, but that's not true.

You could be completely extroverted and you might want time alone. Why? Because that's where you create your space. That's where you're not hearing other people's thoughts. That's where you're not hearing you are going off. And this is a very common theme in any, like any history historical character you study, you'll find that they're going off to the mountain, they're going off into nature. For example in New England profits in ancient times. They're always going off to the mountain. Why are they doing that? They're going into the desert. Why are they doing that? They are creating the space between what they were taught versus what they naturally are.

And the thing that helps them create that is when they are within in nature, that helps 'em connect to their own nature. Because we're the same thing We're, we're not separate from the bigger nature. We've just created this other environment that helps us survive and thrive in a different way. And I think that that is one of the distinctions I came to you for where I was getting confused about the being versus the doing.

Where my being was tied up in my doing and not in my being. And I think that like the Native American boys or the young people, before they were a child to an adult, they would yes, go and have that time alone in the wilderness. And I think our being is so much attached to this identity, to our community, to our inner awareness.

So being and doing are really important, it's not normal for human beings based on how human beings have evolved to be constantly doing things. Yeah. It's a very modern phenomenon, there's a design behind it.

And, this is where people might take it toward conspiracy theories, but all you have to do is study that trend and the trend is consumerism. . you are not a productive consumer if you're not constantly doing something. If you're not constantly buying, if you're not constantly working, if you're not constantly going from one thing to the next one, one ridiculous thing to the next ridiculous thing so it doesn't serve the consumer culture.

And any kind of consumer culture will want to get the maximum out of every human being. So if you're constantly doing things, that means you've bought into that culture that you constantly need to move to prove your validity. And it's a brainwashed pattern if you look at actually how human beings lived now for hundreds of thousands of years. It, even, though the picture is vague in our mind, I've lived in parts of the world that are different. So most of the world, when you, if you travel, like people are pretty chilled out. They don't run around. Even in Europe, they don't do that. But if you go most, but like they're spending a whole lot of time is doing not a whole lot they're just sitting around talking to each other.

They're just going off, looking out at the sunset. And they're doing work too. They're doing hard. But then there will be times when you just pause. You're just not thinking about anything. You're just looking at things, observing, connecting with people spending quality time with yourself and with other people around you.

This is a very normal part of human existence. It serves the development of human brain consciousness and human connection. But what it doesn't serve is the consumer culture that needs people to be basically following the breadcrumbs or the carrot and the stick analogy. So you have to be very aware of that.

This is by design you're not contributing you'll feel like you are not valuable enough or productive enough when it has nothing to do with productivity because you've been taught from childhood to keep moving, doing something for something otherwise, you are. A piece of crap that's not true. 

That's one of those things that I get continuously caught up in the loop on, especially as an entrepreneur, and a solopreneur.

That struggle was ever just more highlighted within starting my own business. And anyone who has a side hustle is launching their own business can absolutely get caught up in that even more so because there is a level of more things essentially that need to be done, but I think that's where it's so, so important for anyone like vital, not just important, like necessary to succeed and not suffer or like starve and die out in these types of industries without having a coach, without having a group coaching community.

Because we have to keep that in check. The filter's gonna run, our fears are gonna run away. Our needs that we're, we're never, not enough. We're not doing enough. The doing takes over and I think that was one of the, one of the many things that I got taken away so much from our one-on-one. And that I continue to keep cultivated and keep in the forefront of my mind with the weekly coaching with the Space Creators community.

People can find more information on high-performance coaching and the Space Creators community over at Faisal, and there will be a five-video series Where you can build that vision, the vision is so much tied into our authenticity, the authentic life we wanna build. And I think that building that vision is one of those key things that must be done in order to make sure we live a life true to ourselves and not a life that others expect of us. To break free from that rut. So you can do that at Faisal Ensaun .com, the five-video series. Just exchange your email. You'll have access to all five here very soon. 


There is always ever more insight. I learned so much. I think it feels like I'm watching a documentary sometimes when we're talking like, this is fascinating. I can see all of these aspects of culture and history come up and I think those are the things that help us understand where we're coming from and what we're experiencing right now.

We feel these invisible walls and invisible ceilings and we're not sure where they're coming from. Just understanding the source. Helps, I think just completely navigate through that. It's not that I have to go and heal all these hurts and all these things within myself, I just need to understand what is the forest that I'm navigating right now.

 For more information on Monica check out her website at

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