Where Does MOTIVATION Come From?

May 02, 2023

Faisal: so our topic today, and part of this whole process is stepping back and the topic around that is perfect. What we're trying to do is connect it to motivation. And, and there's a lot more that goes into that. I mean, motivation has become a weird topic because there are a lot of motivational speakers, but where are they?

 And the funny thing is that We don't actually get motivated by somebody else because motivation is an internal process. But what if you really pay attention? What these so-called motivational speakers do is they get you to think about what matters to you. What connects with you?

They do it at a surface, and they do enough of a spark for you to feel motivated at that moment. But this whole week is gonna be in our community, it's gonna be around motivation. We're gonna go much deeper around, well, what is it that keeps us, sparks that motivation? What is it that sustains that motivation?

What is it that amplifies it long-term? How can we be more focused on truly what matters to us? And there are some key areas we're gonna go through today. and on our group coaching session on, on Thursday, we're gonna go much deeper into many of these areas in relation to your own life. So the first one I would say is, and like I said, part of this is stepping back from the day-to-day operations go jumping from one meeting to the next meeting.

And that requires you to kind of assess what are your values and what you associate with your purpose in life. And it sounds like a High level, big question. It's supposed to be that because when we understand what our values are, for example, when we hire somebody, our values need to align.

If we have a certain type of work ethic, we want to see that kind of aversion of that work ethic with those around us. And whether those are our employees, our team, or our team members. Hey, are we operating at a similar standard of work ethic? Are we supportive of each other? Are we compassionate?

Are we accountable? Whatever that looks like, that's an important piece. What else are our values in our day-to-day life, but also long term, when you're thinking about your purpose and values, what really matters to you? Is it just the business or is it family as well? And if it's family and business, then

how does this business or these businesses, or these systems that you're creating, support you on both sides and how does it support you in the kind of person that you're becoming? Those questions are really important. One of the best questions you can ask is, what really matters to me?

And when we ask ourselves, we step back from the day-to-day mundane and really check in as to, okay, what matters to me?

The root word for motivation is motive, which means is the reason behind why we do things. And just to add to that part, it's also in the dictionary definition, which is that usually those reasons are hidden. Like they're not surface reasons.

And that's why we go towards our sense of purpose, our values, and what really matters to us. And then that's what takes us to the next step. And very few, I would say, entrepreneurs or business owners or people, in general, do this, but being crystal clear on your vision and goals. Becomes very important because as you're clear on the bigger picture of the vision, the vision helps you connect with who you're becoming in the process, helps you create, and connects with what you're creating.

It helps you connect with the why behind all of it, which also connects with the values and purpose because you tend to see your values and purpose in that piece. And as you get clear about that bigger picture, start to see, okay, how am I structuring my day-to-day that helps me create that vision? And what are the specific goals that are moving me forward toward it?

And if those goals are clear and you're not waking up pretty much every morning, oh, what am I doing today? Or you're not just living day by day or week by week. There's a long-term strategic process system, but also you know what you're doing generally. And usually what that does is it sifts out. Things that you don't need to be doing.

So, even if those are positive things, like opportunities a lot of times we think opportunities are great. It's great when you don't have opportunities, but when you have a lot of opportunities, it becomes very negative because now it's like, oh my God, there are too many opportunities. Which one am I gonna do first?

And most high performers. They tend to have too many opportunities and they don't know what to prioritize. So they go from one shiny object to the next one, and none of them get moved forward. None of them get the needle moved forward. And so really thinking about this opportunity that's come, that's coming up, is this aligned with my long-term vision?

Is this aligned with my goals strategically? Does this apply for this month, this quarter? And you were talking about the quarterly planning you're gonna do. Does it feel aligned with that? It's a good idea, but can we take care of this later? And that makes a huge difference because that's the difference between being reactive versus intentional.

And intentional means you're conscious of what you're creating consistently. And this one is a little bit. The next piece is this one probably one of its most important components of it. And it will show up in your relationship and your business and all parts of your life because this is the internal side of it is okay, you know the big picture, you know what?

You're clear about your vision. You have a sense of purpose. You're clear about your values. You're clear about what you're doing on a consistent basis. Then as you're starting to do this on a consistent basis, what comes up in the middle? What is the obstacle? Usually, we think obstacles are on the outside because we see challenges and problems that come up, but that's not the reality because I mean, we are problem solvers as human beings.

Our mind is designed to look for problems to solve. The bigger the problem that we can solve the part of the payout not just on the monetary side, but on the fulfillment side because it gives us a sense of con sense of achievement, a sense of connection, a sense of that, okay, I matter, and what I'm doing matters.

So as we're kind of doing that, the thing that actually comes in the middle is not those problems, it's actually our own self-talk. And our own emotions. And that is a huge hindrance. So I was actually yesterday I was talking to my wife and, and we're both kind of going through this month, we're fasting the whole month and it's also like a spiritual thing too for us.

So we're working through a lot of, and when you're faster the whole day pretty much 10, 12 hours a day. And you're going through that process. One of the first things that happens is your thoughts and your body slows down. Your body naturally slows down because you don't have a lot of energy, so you're not going quickly towards things and that actually slows down a lot of your thoughts.

Emotions too, so you're able to observe them a little bit better. And it's very interesting. So a lot of our discussions these days are around, okay, what's happening? What's coming up for you? And as she was sharing some of the things, it was around our kids and how she's done a lot of work on the emotional side.

And which means she has processed a lot of what has happened. And our kids are younger and we're trying to do our best to not give them a lot of trauma and help support them in whatever way we can be a positive role model. But we know that there are a lot of things that initially as we were going through the process, especially with our first daughter and then the second daughter, we didn't know what was going on.

We were doing our best. And as we reflect back, Well, you realize, okay, there were some things that didn't go ideally, but as she was sharing her thoughts around, I could hear that she had processed the emotions, but her thoughts were more focused on what went wrong. And, that's why it's on both sides.

One, we need to be able to process the emotions that come up. We need to be able to regulate ourselves, whether that's frustration, anger fear, or all that stuff that comes up because we might be very motivated. All of a sudden a thought comes up, Hey, I screwed that person over, or I did something that hurt that person.

Or I, maybe I shouldn't have done that. Like, even somebody like, you're letting go of a team member. That's an emotional process a lot of times. And originally, we need to be able to process that and then make sense of it. And then the thought part of it is what are the thoughts focused on? And we get a mix of those thoughts.

So what do you engage with the positive thoughts or the negative? So that's where our self-talk comes in. The more we can focus on the positive side of things and be able to regulate our emotions, the more we can move forward quickly. We can recover quickly. And even the research supports that is that.

People who are, that, like the top 15% of the high performers, the thing that makes them very different is they are able to recover quickly. They're able to recover from the struggles, like when they fall over, when they experiment, when they try, and when they fail, the speed of recovery is what makes them better.

And that doesn't mean that they're ignoring the emotions and thoughts. That means they're actually dealing with it head-on. And they get so good at it that they're able to focus on what they are actually creating and they're able to let go of what didn't work, whether that's on the relationship side, on the personal side, or any other part of their life or on the business side.

So the key important piece. So if you're not able to regulate motions, you're likely reacting to what's happening, including me if I'm not able to regulate on a day-to-day basis, my emotions. By regulate, I mean. When something comes up, I don't react to it. I can pause and feel it, work through it, and then, okay, what are the thoughts in relation to that?

 What will support this situation based on my long-term bond versus my reaction to the situation? That's a huge difference. And most people, unfortunately, react. They don't pause, they didn't, they don't take the time to step back. So it makes a huge difference in how motivated you feel consistently because if you're not dealing with those thoughts and emotions, they actually build up over time.

And they build up, they get worse and worse and worse. And we try to find outlets for it. Outlets might show up in the form of distraction, TikTok. Games, alcohol, whatever you call it. Those are coping mechanisms that we all have. They're healthier ones and they're unhealthy ones. Healthier ones might be meditation, it might be a walk in nature.

It might be a conversation with somebody, a positive, productive conversation. It might be journaling. However, you get to process your emotions and thoughts is helpful. And I would say progress and momentum. So this is where a lot of high achievers tend to be really hard on themselves because they're focused on the big thing and they're like, I need to achieve this thing, and it's going slow.

And they're like, every time I try it, something goes wrong. And that's a normal process of creation, whether you're building a business or something else. What makes it more interesting is because you don't know a lot about it, you're trying to solve a big problem. You're trying to create something that you haven't done before, that's what makes it challenging, not what makes it interesting.

That's what makes the process so much fun. But here's a problem. When you're focused on the big thing at the end, you forget to celebrate the little things in the process so you don't feel the progress, even though you might be actually progressing, but you don't feel it. And one of the best practices I know is whenever, even if you do a small thing, Just celebrate that.

Taking a moment to just acknowledge that or share that with somebody who would celebrate that with you can make a huge difference. And then as that momentum builds up on those small things, it turns into that big thing. And usually, whatever you're doing, it's those little efforts, that add up to something big.

But what we fail to do is we don't acknowledge the small efforts. We don't acknowledge the effort that we put in on a consistent basis. Even at times when we're waking up when we're not feeling it. We'll do something and we'll work through it, but we'll still be hard on absence. And that doesn't actually translate to something positive because that emotionally, going back to the last one, emotionally affects you negatively versus giving you a positive emotional boost when you celebrate something.

When you acknowledge that, hey, I got this thing done that I've been trying to work on for a while. Even though I was struggling with it, I was able to move through it. So the last one, you know what? There was one more. I completely lost the sheet. That's accountability. I lost the sheet, but I remember it.

So the accountability piece is really important because as human beings part of it is that we need to be accountable to ourselves. And I think that's the best form of accountability. But the other side of it is like a group like these people, that can support you, that check in with you, that get you to see that, hey, you are making progress.

So part of accountability might be somebody who can celebrate you, celebrate the little wins you might have, and even challenge you to move forward a little bit. Or when you're stuck, you can have a conversation with that, whether that's with your coach, whether that's with your peers, whether that's with your team, and also on the other side of it, you need to bring something like that with others around you.

So I wanna flip this around. So you're somebody who's working either with a team or a family member or a friend, or you're around other people. When you see a lack of motivation, what's happening in their life, how do you think through it? And our normal response is, oh, that person is just a bum. That person is just lazy.

That's not the case. There are a lot of things going on in their mind, and that's just how people talk about these things. But think about it. Are they clear about their path forward? Are they clear about their vision? Are they clear about their purpose? Are they clear about their values? Do they know how to regulate their emotions?

Do they know how to focus on the thoughts that move them forward? Do they have any kind of support group around them? And if they don't have those things in place, more than likely they're not feeling motivated. So that helps you to kind of check those boxes quickly and say, well, does this person have this?

Do they need some kind of support? It might not even be you that supports them. It might be that, hey, do you have any kind of support in your day-to-day life? Are you clear about your goals? No. Okay. What are you doing to get clear about your goals? They, Hey, here's a book. Here's an audio tape. Go talk to this person, or go find a support group.

Do you have any friends? It helps us support those around us, and it's the same with our team. A lot of times our team members might not be moving forward. And our assumption might be as well, I don't have time for this stuff, but if we kind of step back and do a little bit of work, have a conversation like, what's happening?

Can I wanna know how I can support you because I wanna be there for you, as part of your team. And what does that look like, that support look like? If you can kind of go through those areas. Are they clear? Do they have challenges in their relationships? Are they stuck in their emotions or are they stuck in their thoughts?

Now, it doesn't mean that you become their coach, but what it means is that you can help point them in the right direction. And sometimes, especially as your business is growing, as you are growing, it might be that you bring somebody over and support your team, or it might be that you just point them in the right direction.

That might be very helpful. And it's the same with our siblings, with our parents, with whoever with our friends. Our tendency might be to just give them some random advice. But if we check in those areas, see, well, why does, why is a person not motivated? And there are usually these reasons behind them.

They are not clear on their goals, or their vision. They're not clear on their values. They don't know how to regulate their thoughts and emotions. They don't have any kind of support group to help them in their day-to-day life. And that will. If you can do that with people around you, just as you do that with yourself, you will find that generally human beings are motivated.

In fact, I would say sometimes people are a little too motivated in their life if it would lose sight of what else might matter. And that could be actually dangerous too, but that's another whole other subject. 


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