You Don’t Need Confidence. You Need Courage.

How many times have you told yourself you need more confidence before you take the next step?

Maybe you want to launch your business.

Raise your prices.

Speak in front of an audience.

Have a difficult conversation with a client.

Invest in real estate.

Make a major business decision.

Put yourself out there.

Or simply show up consistently when things aren't going the way you planned.

And somewhere along the way, you've probably said:

“I just need more confidence.”

I understand why we say this. Confidence feels like the thing we need before we act.

But there's a problem with that idea.

You don't have much control over when confidence appears.

You have much more control over courage.

And that distinction can completely change how you approach your business, your relationships, your leadership, and your life.

Confidence Usually Comes After You Show Up

Think about the first time you started something unfamiliar.

Maybe it was your first job.

Your first business.

Your first investment.

Your first property purchase.

Your first coaching client.

Your first time speaking in front of a room.

How confident were you?

Probably not very.

You may have believed in yourself as a person, but you probably didn't have a high level of confidence in your ability to perform in that particular situation.

That's because confidence is often an effect.

There's a concept in psychology often described as the competence-confidence loop.

You start by doing something.

You develop competence.

That competence creates confidence.

Then the confidence makes it easier to keep performing.

But here's the question:

What comes before competence?

You have to show up before you feel fully ready.

You have to act while there are still gaps in your knowledge.

You have to make the call before you know exactly how the conversation will go.

You have to launch before you know exactly how the market will respond.

You have to walk into the room before you feel like you belong there.

That's where courage comes in.

Courage Comes Before Confidence

Courage isn't the absence of fear.

And it isn't necessarily about getting rid of fear before you act.

Courage is the choice to act even when there is uncertainty, discomfort, risk, or fear.

That's an important distinction.

Because if you believe you have to eliminate fear before you can act, you'll spend a lot of your life waiting.

Waiting until you feel ready.

Waiting until you know enough.

Waiting until the market improves.

Waiting until your business has more cash flow.

Waiting until you feel confident enough to raise your prices.

Waiting until you have enough followers.

Waiting until you know the investment will work.

Waiting until you feel like an expert.

But uncertainty is part of entrepreneurship.

It's part of investing.

It's part of leadership.

It's part of relationships.

It's part of life.

So the question isn't:

“How do I become confident enough to act?”

A better question is:

“What am I willing to show up for, even when I don't feel confident?”

That's a question about courage.

Courage Is a Choice

One of the most important beliefs you can develop is this:

Courage is a choice.

A lot of people treat courage like a personality trait.

They look at someone who speaks up in a meeting, starts a company, takes a big investment risk, stands up for what they believe in, or keeps going through difficult circumstances and think:

“That person is just courageous.”

As though courage is something you're either born with or you're not.

I don't think that's true.

Courage can be developed.

And one of the foundations of courage is clarity.

Clarity about your values.

Clarity about your purpose.

Clarity about your identity.

Clarity about your vision.

Clarity about what matters to you.

Because when you know what matters, you have something worth showing up for.

Your Values Give Courage Direction

Imagine you're sitting in a business meeting.

Everyone is agreeing with an idea because they don't want to create tension.

But you can see a serious problem.

You know the decision could hurt the business.

You also know that speaking up could make you uncomfortable.

Maybe people won't like what you say.

Maybe someone senior will disagree with you.

Maybe you'll look difficult.

In that moment, confidence isn't necessarily what you need.

You need clarity around your values.

If you value truth, service, excellence, and doing what's right for the organization, the decision becomes clearer:

You speak.

Not because you're fearless.

Because the value is more important than your discomfort.

The same thing happens in entrepreneurship.

If your only reason for building a business is money, every difficult season can make you question whether you should continue.

But if you have clarity about the problem you're solving, the people you're serving, the kind of business you're building, and why it matters to you, you have something deeper to draw from when things become difficult.

This Matters Even More When You're Building a Business

Entrepreneurship requires an enormous amount of courage.

You will make decisions without having all the information.

You'll invest money without a guarantee of return.

You'll hire people without knowing exactly how everything will unfold.

You'll launch products that might fail.

You'll make offers that people might reject.

You'll create content that nobody may watch.

You'll walk into rooms where you don't know anyone.

You'll sometimes have months where the numbers don't make sense.

And if you're a real estate investor, you already understand this.

You can analyze the market.

You can run the numbers.

You can study the neighborhood.

You can assess the property.

You can calculate the potential return.

But eventually, you have to make a decision with incomplete information.

There is always some uncertainty.

The goal isn't to eliminate uncertainty.

The goal is to develop the courage to make thoughtful decisions despite uncertainty.

That is very different from being reckless.

Courage isn't blindly taking risks.

It's being willing to act when you've done what you can to prepare, while accepting that you can never control everything.

High-Agency People Understand This

There's another concept that I think is important here: agency.

High-agency people don't believe they control everything.

They know they don't.

They understand that economies change.

Markets change.

People change.

Politics change.

Interest rates change.

Clients change their minds.

Businesses fail.

Unexpected things happen.

Life happens.

But they don't allow those external variables to convince them that they have no control at all.

They focus on what they can control.

Their actions.

Their decisions.

Their responses.

Their effort.

Their standards.

Their behavior.

Their willingness to keep showing up.

That's what makes courage so powerful.

You may not control the market.

But you can control whether you continue learning.

You may not control whether a client says yes.

But you can control whether you make the offer.

You may not control whether an investment works exactly as planned.

But you can control how thoroughly you evaluate the opportunity.

You may not control how people respond to your leadership.

But you can control how you lead.

Agency starts with recognizing that your choices still matter.

Courage Builds Competence

This brings us back to the confidence problem.

If you keep waiting for confidence, you may never begin.

But if you choose courage, you begin to accumulate experience.

Experience builds competence.

Competence builds confidence.

And confidence makes the next courageous action easier.

So the sequence often looks more like this:

Clarity → Courage → Action → Competence → Confidence

Not:

Confidence → Action

That's why some of the most confident people you see today weren't necessarily confident when they started.

They simply kept showing up.

They practiced.

They failed.

They learned.

They adjusted.

They became competent.

And eventually, they became confident.

Courage Isn't Always Dramatic

When we talk about courage, it's easy to think about extraordinary historical figures.

People like Mahatma Gandhi or Martin Luther King Jr..

We imagine courage as standing in front of an empire or leading a major movement.

But most of the courage required in your life won't look like that.

It will look ordinary.

It might be sending the proposal you've been afraid to send.

Making the difficult call.

Telling your team the truth.

Admitting you made a mistake.

Walking away from a deal that doesn't align with your values.

Raising your prices because you've outgrown your old model.

Having the conversation you've been avoiding.

Publishing the article.

Launching the offer.

Walking into the meeting.

Following up with the prospect.

Showing up for your family after an exhausting day.

Starting again after something didn't work.

These moments may never make history.

But they shape your life.

Our lives are built from small choices that require courage.

The Courage to Keep Showing Up

There are seasons when courage becomes even more important.

Not because you're building something new, but because life becomes difficult.

There are moments when you don't have the energy.

When you're dealing with family challenges.

When your business is demanding more from you.

When you're behind on work.

When you're exhausted.

When you don't know what the next step is.

In those moments, the question isn't necessarily:

“Do I feel motivated?”

Sometimes it's:

“Why is this important to me?”

When you reconnect with your values, your purpose, your identity, and the people you care about, something changes.

You may still be tired.

You may still be afraid.

You may still not know how everything will work out.

But you can make the next choice.

And sometimes courage is simply that:

One more choice. One more step. One more day of showing up.

The Courage to Love, Lead, and Commit

Courage isn't only about business.

It takes courage to love.

Because love makes you vulnerable.

You can be rejected.

You can be hurt.

You can lose someone.

You can be betrayed.

You can care deeply about someone and still not be able to control what happens.

It takes courage to commit to something for a long period of time.

A business.

A mission.

A marriage.

A career.

A community.

A vision.

It takes courage to dedicate years of your life to something when you don't have a guarantee of how it will turn out.

And it takes courage to be yourself when you know being authentic may have consequences.

These are all different expressions of the same thing:

Choosing what matters over what feels comfortable.

So What Do You Actually Need?

If courage is something you can develop, where do you start?

There are two things I would pay attention to:

1. Clarity

Get clear about what matters to you.

What are your values?

Who do you want to be?

What kind of leader do you want to become?

What kind of business owner do you want to be?

What are you willing to stand for?

Who are you committed to serving?

What is your purpose?

What kind of life are you trying to build?

Because when you don't have clarity, every difficult decision becomes a negotiation with your emotions.

But when you have clarity, difficult decisions become easier to make.

2. Intention

Then ask:

“Is this important enough for me to show up?”

Not once.

Not when you're motivated.

Not when the market is good.

Not when people applaud you.

Every day.

Moment by moment.

Decision by decision.

Your intention turns clarity into action.

And when you repeatedly act on that intention, courage becomes part of your identity.

You begin to see yourself differently.

I'm the kind of person who follows through.

I'm the kind of leader who tells the truth.

I'm the kind of entrepreneur who keeps learning.

I'm the kind of investor who makes thoughtful decisions.

I'm the kind of coach who serves my clients even when it's difficult.

I'm the kind of person who shows up.

That identity matters.

Stop Asking, “How Do I Become More Confident?”

The next time you find yourself saying:

“I need more confidence.”

Pause.

Ask yourself:

“What would I do if I were willing to be courageous?”

Then go one step deeper:

“Why does this matter to me?”

Maybe you need more clarity.

Maybe you need to reconnect with your values.

Maybe you've forgotten why you started.

Maybe you've been trying to eliminate fear instead of learning to act alongside it.

Maybe you're waiting for confidence when what you actually need is a decision.

Because courage doesn't require you to know exactly how everything will turn out.

It requires you to decide what matters and act accordingly.

And here's the interesting thing:

When you consistently do that, you often find something waiting for you on the other side.

Competence.

And eventually:

Confidence.

So don't make confidence the prerequisite for moving forward.

Make courage the practice.

Get clear.

Set your intention.

Choose what matters.

And show up.

Even when you're afraid.

Even when you're uncertain.

Even when you're tired.

Even when nobody else believes in what you're building.

Because you don't need to feel confident to take the next step.

You need to be courageous enough to take it.



TRANSCRIPT

Our topic today, and actually this whole week, is courage. We'll start with the distinction between confidence versus courage.

The reason why I brought this up is because I can't tell you how many people, whether they be potential clients or somebody I run into, are always seeking confidence.

Confidence in moving forward in their business, confidence in growing their business, confidence in their relationships, confidence to get a relationship, confidence to be able to do things, confidence to be able to speak out loud.

And it's sort of become like a normal thing to say and do, but it actually doesn't make much sense when you actually dig deeper and understand this.

And why is it important for us?

It's actually really important because we don't have much control over when confidence appears in a part of our life, our business, our path forward. But we have a lot of control over courage.

And a lot of times when I speak to people about courage, one of the first things they talk about is fear.

"Well, I have to get over my fears to have courage."

They are related, but actually not in that way. They look at courage still as a secondary thing. They look at, "I need to get over my fear."

And I'll talk about why this is important.

I'll start with this story.

Last year, I remember when my father-in-law passed away, and we were very close, as many of you know. My wife had come down here first, and then I traveled down with the kids after he passed away.

It was a day, literally a few hours after—not even a day, but a few hours after. It ended up being in the morning, and I was driving back. I remember as I was driving towards our family's place, all I kept thinking about, and then I kept praying, was, "God, please give me the courage to be there, to be able to show up and be there and support others."

And the reason why I asked for that was because I didn't know if I had the courage or the confidence to show up, to be honest.

I knew it was going to be incredibly difficult. I knew it was going to be rough, not just today, but for the next months and years to come.

And I prayed for that because I knew how important it was in that moment.

And to be honest, over the past few years, I've prayed for courage in a lot of things.

Right now, my mom is working through a health challenge, and we're supporting her. Same thing.

I'm not concerned about time management. I'm not concerned about whether I have the confidence to do this, that, and the other. I'm much more concerned about, "Do I have the courage to just show up when things are hard, when I'm struggling?"

Whether that's showing up for my mom or for my family when I'm struggling with so many things, or in my business when I'm struggling with so many things.

And I pray for that because it's important for me to know if I can create it from within, and also part of it might be a blessing that comes from our intelligence.

And I share all this to say that no matter if it's a difficult circumstance or a tough circumstance, or whatever circumstance you're walking into now, a lot of times we seek confidence.

But confidence usually is an effect—an effect of you showing up with courage consistently.

And I want you to stay with me.

In fact, we actually have a term in psychology we call that competence-confidence loop. And it says that for you to have confidence in something, in whatever part of your life—business, work, relationships, whatever it might be—you need to have a certain amount of competence.

It starts with a certain amount of competence.

As an example, if you, for example, think of the first time you showed up, you started a job, or you started a business, how much confidence did you have? How confident did you feel?

You might have felt confident in yourself, which is another thing. It's related to identity, which I'll speak to. But you might not have had a lot of confidence in doing that job in that context.

But as you built more competence, for example, in relation to how the environment worked, your technical skill sets, how they operated within that environment of work, you started building more competence, and that resulted in more confidence.

Now, what comes before competence? And that's what we're interested in today.

From my perspective, what comes before that is courage.

The courage to show up even if there is uncertainty. The courage to show up even if there's certain gaps, maybe in your knowledge or ability to connect with people, or maybe even gaps in your technical knowledge.

And I'm going to build on this slowly as we move forward.

I want you to think about this term: agency.

One of my mentors and coaches always says, "High-agency people." Whenever we're in one of his conferences or somewhere in one of his events or classes, he always reminds us that you're around high-agency people.

Now, agency is sort of a technical word in psychology that simply means somebody who feels like they have a high amount of control towards their actions, towards the things that they get to do, and the choices they get to make in life.

And this is very different from people who feel like life just happens to them.

A lot of people you run into in your day-to-day life feel like their environment, the politics, the world at large—pretty much everything—is pushing them around constantly.

But when you talk to high-agency people, you see a different aspect of it.

Now, they're not delusional enough to think that there aren't variables, bigger variables like the economy, like your environment, like people that can affect you. They understand that.

But high-agency people know that they have a high level of control over their own actions, the way they think, the way they feel, and what they act on.

And because they believe that, they actually show up with courage.

And this is why it becomes a differentiation between people who have courage versus don't.

It's not a random thing. A lot of people make it look like it's, "You're either born with courage or not."

No. It is one of those things that you might need to learn or understand or develop clarity around.

And we'll talk about what that is.

And the way it shows up is the starting belief is that courage is a choice.

And this is what makes this so different than confidence.

Confidence usually shows up in effect. You become confident, for example, to speak in front of people when you've spoken a lot of times. It's the effect of repetition and competence that we talked about.

But courage is a choice.

And I'll tell you what that's connected to.

For most people, they will say, "Well, you know what? A difficult thing happened. I wanted to speak up in this moment, but I didn't have the courage to speak," or, "I was afraid," or, "I didn't have the courage to show up."

Or they might not even say that because it's hard to say that. They might say, "I just couldn't do it. I froze."

And that's why people connect courage with fear.

And this is why people conclude that they need to get over their fears to be courageous.

Not necessarily.

Tools can help. Getting and dealing with your fears can help. But courage for human beings is very, very interesting, and I'll share where it connects, what it's connected to.

And I've outlined a few things.

Courage is connected to your values as a human being.

Courage is connected to your vision as a human being.

Courage is connected to your identity as a human being.

Courage is connected to your purpose as a human being.

Courage is connected to how you love others as a human being and how you feel connected to.

And I'll qualify these. More specifically, it's connected to the clarity you have around these things.

So, for example, if you say that, "You know what? This is my purpose: to show up for my family, and it's my purpose to keep them safe and take care of them."

How do you think you would show up if, for example, somebody comes to harm them? Would you show up with courage or not?

Versus let's say you weren't clear on that value.

You're like, "You know what? I'm around my family, but you know what? They need to take care of themselves. They need to be responsible for themselves, and I'll just show up whenever I can."

Think about how different those values are.

So clarity around that value gives you the opportunity to show up with courage.

Your vision, your purpose—your purpose to show up for them—clarifies how you should take action on a consistent basis.

It also builds your identity.

So, for example, if you're clear about who you are, for example, if you say that, "I'm the kind of person who takes care of my family. I'm the kind of person who takes care of my employees. I'm the kind of person who doesn't give up on his business or her business. I'm the kind of person who loves in this way, who's connected to the world around him or her."

If you say those things, it's an identity around courage because you're saying that no matter what happens, I am going to show up. I'm going to be there for people. I'm going to show up because this is a part of my purpose.

This is why, when we look at some big figures in history, let's give some examples. Let's take Mother Teresa. And some of these might be controversial, so ignore the controversy for a little bit, but think about the main things that they did.

And a lot of people will call them—they have sacrificed themselves.

Think of Gandhi. Think of Martin Luther King Jr. Think of the builders of nations. Think of builders of even businesses.

Whoever your heroes are, you'll find that the most common pattern among all of them is that they had to show up when there was uncertainty.

They showed up when nobody believed in what they were doing.

They showed up when they didn't have all the information.

They showed up no matter what.

They showed up and tested something when most around them didn't have the courage to do so.

And all of it goes back to the kind of person they were.

And others idealize that and like, "What I want to be like that. I want to show up like that."

But they're not clear about who they are. They're not clear about their values, their purpose. They're not clear about how they're connected to the world around them.

So courage takes a back seat.

And this is why I outlined that your courage—you have control over it. It is a choice, but you need to have clarity around those areas.

And once you become super clear, your system automatically shows up with courage.

And then courage creates competence, and competence creates confidence in whatever area that you are in.

And here's a cool thing.

A lot of people—and this is why I brought up the connection between courage and fear.

And I even love this quote that says, "The cave that you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek."

Now, a lot of people will look at that quote, and it's a famous quote, and they will conclude that, "You know what? If I'm less afraid, I will get what I want."

Not necessarily.

You can find better tools to be less afraid, and I work with people on that. You can find better ways to look at fear. You can process it better. You can train yourself. All that is legitimate.

But here's a cool thing.

Let me give you a context from history.

So, for example, let's take Gandhi.

When Gandhi stood in front of a whole empire, a powerful empire, a scrawny man stood up and said, "You know what? I'm not moving."

He didn't have strength in the physical sense. He didn't have an army. He didn't have anything.

But he had the courage when it came to his values, which actually became a big thing. It became the nonviolent movement.

He said that, "I'm not going to harm. I'm not going to attack, but I'm going to stand my ground."

That was very scary for that whole empire.

And if you study the history behind it, you'll know that they actually struggled to make a decision as to, "What do we do with this scrawny man that is standing up in front of our force and army?"

And they knew, and he knew it too, that if he got hurt in that moment, if somebody hurt him or murdered him, it would show a powerful example to others.

Which means that he knew what he stood for. He knew his purpose. He knew what his values were. And he wanted to model that.

And people would rise up, because that's what the British Empire was very scared of: "We don't want him to become that model for the rest of the people."

The model of rebellion, the model of saying that, "I will stand my ground even if I cannot force you to get out."

And that went on for a long time, and it created, inspired all kinds of events.

But that's just a historical example of how it shows up.

But it could show up in little moments in your life.

Imagine you're sitting in a meeting at work and a bunch of people speak up, and you know that something right needs to be said.

They're just saying things to please, or saying a bunch of stuff, and you're struggling inside of you.

In that moment, there's a choice.

You're afraid to say what's on your mind.

But then, if you can tap into—if you can become clear about what is valuable, the truth that will actually help everybody on the team and serve our decision to move forward—or you're more concerned about how you will appear, that is a choice.

And if the choice is the truth, that means you have a value system around the truth, and you will show up with courage in that moment.

You'll make that choice.

If you're not clear about that, you will not.

And our life is made up of little choices that are just as courageous as the moment where Gandhi stood up.

And to little things like, there are times, for example, the past few weeks, I've been struggling to even show up.

I barely have had the energy because I'm dealing with my mom's condition. I've been going from one doctor to the next trying to figure this out.

There are days where I don't want to wake up. I'm so exhausted because I'm behind on work. I'm behind on everything because I've been going back and forth between appointments, and I'm working on bigger projects.

I just came back from a big workshop that I had to fit between all that.

We're in the middle of building out a whole certification for other coaches. I'm in the middle of launching my book.

And on top of that, there are life challenges. I need to be there for my kids, for my wife, for everybody else.

There are times where I'm so exhausted I can't even—I don't even want to get up.

And I'll open my eyes, and they close, and I remind myself, "Why is this important? What am I showing up here for?"

And as I connect back to my values, what I care about, what I love, what matters to me, my vision, my identity, then all of a sudden I develop the energy.

I create the energy. I create the momentum.

I'm still exhausted, but I'll make the choice one moment at a time.

And it is hard, but because it's part of my value system, I know that I need to show up no matter what.

And that's how I've made pretty much every kind of decision.

Same thing if you're running a business, especially if you're founding a business, especially if there's uncertainty.

Even any kind of business, you got to show up whether there are customers or not. You got to show up whether there's cash flow or not.

If it is important to you, if you're the kind of business owner that you care about the mission, the purpose behind that business, even if that is providing for your family, but maybe you have another purpose beyond that.

And for me, it's no matter what the uncertainty is, I'll show up.

And I've shown up over the past 11 years because it's an important part of who I am, of my values, of my mission, of my purpose, and I care about this.

I'm in—I feel like I'm called to do this.

I feel connected to my clients, to the work that I do.

So, I will show up.

And so, what we're really outlining here is courage shows up in different forms.

The courage to be who you are, your authentic self, even though there might be consequences if you show up as that at times.

The courage to serve where you want to serve.

The courage to live.

It takes courage to love when you're struggling through things at times, and I've gone through that.

The courage to love.

Love is incredibly painful.

You—we have felt rejection in any kind of relationship, even from the people closest to you. Felt hurt.

You know that there's always a risk you're going to get hurt.

Whether the hurt comes from something somebody says, the hurt of losing somebody, the hurt of being betrayed—that takes courage, and it's a choice.

The courage to commit yourself to something, whether that's a mission, that's a path, that's a vision.

The courage to dedicate, which is another version of that, a long period of your time, energy, resources to something.

The courage to speak up when it's scary.

The courage to show up when it's hard.

And if you can go towards this, it is probably the main character trait that will help you move forward.

You'll figure out everything else, including confidence, that a lot of people constantly seek.

And finally, what does courage require?

It only requires two things from you, and those are clarity and intention.

And as I mentioned before, you need to be clear about your values, who you are, how you want to show up, how you want to live, how you want—you need to have clarity about what you're connected to.

Once you get clarity, then the rest is your intention.

Is this worth it for me to show up?

And if it is important to you, you will.

If you don't have clarity, you're not going to show up with courage.

If you don't have an intention, you're not going to show up consistently with courage.

If you can just carry those two things—clarity about the things that matter to me and what is my intention—not just once in a while, but every day, moment by moment, whenever I make decisions.

If you can carry that with you and pass that on, especially to the next generation, whether those are your kids, family, team members, business partners, whoever it might be, it will transform how you show up.

We live in a world where there are a lot of uncertainties.

No matter how much somebody wants to pretend like they have control over a lot of things, you simply don't.

There are a lot of big factors in the world.

But once you decide that, "You know what? I have certain choices, and my choices start with how I show up."

And if you can show up with courage, whether you have fear, whether you have struggles, whether there are uncertainties, whether there are challenges you have internally, whether things are not going right, then you will find that somehow things conspire, if you show up with enough courage, that you will find clarity as you move forward and you will find the path as you move forward.

That is something for you to experiment.

But remember that courage is a choice regardless of whether you're afraid, whether you have a hard time, whether something is not going your way.

It is always a choice, and it's a thing you actually have control over versus confidence or other things, bigger things that you might not in the moment.

Just all I'm asking you is to notice your actions every day.

Not in relation to—most of the time when we notice actions, we think about the operations of actions.

Like, "Was I consistent? Was I procrastinating? Did I make that decision?"

We look at the process of it.

I want you to look at the intention behind it.

One, is there an intention?

How did you show up there?

And did you show up with courage or not?

You will notice in most cases it's either a lack of intention, which connects to a lack of clarity, or a lack of courage because there was no intention behind it.

So if you notice that you're not doing certain things that are important to you consistently, you're procrastinating, instead of beating yourself up, ask yourself, "Is there clarity or intention in this area, specifically towards courage?"

If there isn't, then your job is actually to just notice that a little bit more and do that with any decision, any action, anything that's going on.

Just carry it as an observation of what's happening within.

You will notice a lot that it's either a lack of clarity or a lack of intention, or both.