Don’t Judge Others Is Bad Advice: The Key to Building a Legacy Life

As a multifamily investor aiming to build a legacy life, it's essential to surround yourself with the right people and make informed decisions. Conventional wisdom often advises against judgment, but the truth is, judgment is a fundamental aspect of our cognitive process. Here's why embracing judgment can help you design a life of growth and fulfillment.

Understanding the Role of Judgment

Our minds are inherently judgmental. Every decision we make is filtered through our perception, a necessary function for navigating the world. Without judgment, we would be incapable of making choices. The notion that judgment is inherently bad is misguided. Instead, we need to understand how to harness this natural tendency constructively.

Judgment helps us make sense of processes that are continuous (which is pretty much everything in life). For instance, consider this, how we determine where our neck ends and our shoulders begin? The answers would vary depending on the subjective nature of each persons own judgment. Similarly, our minds assess our environment to determine safety, trustworthiness, and potential opportunities.

Steps to Effective Judgment

Since our minds are wired for judgment, it’s crucial to refine this process:

1. Pause Your Judgment: Notice your judgments without reacting immediately. This awareness allows you to gain perspective.

2. Judge Your Judgment: Engage in deeper self-reflection. Ask yourself critical questions to understand the basis of your judgment. For example, is your perception influenced by biases or limited information?

A powerful principle to adopt here is Curiosity = Success, a concept popularized by Brendan Burchard. Curiosity drives exploration and understanding, leading to personal and professional growth. 

The Importance of Curiosity

Curiosity is a hallmark of successful and fulfilled individuals. It’s the driving force behind innovation and deep connections. To build a life by design, you need to surround yourself with people who exhibit genuine curiosity about themselves and the world.

When evaluating potential partners or collaborators, observe their level of curiosity. Are they interested in you and what you do? Do they ask thoughtful questions and show a desire to understand and grow? If someone only talks about themselves and lacks curiosity, it’s a red flag. Such individuals are less likely to support mutual growth.

Building Relationships with Curious People

For multifamily investors looking to create a legacy, relationships are critical. Here’s how to ensure you’re building with the right people:

- Assess Curiosity: Evaluate whether the people around you are curious about themselves and others. Do they seek to understand beyond surface-level roles like “husband” or “business partner”?

- Deepen Connections: Foster relationships with those who show a genuine interest in personal and collective growth. These individuals are more likely to support your vision and contribute positively.

- Intuition Over Mind's Judgment: Trust your intuition and heart judgment more than your mind’s analytical judgment. Your intuition often guides you toward positive and fulfilling relationships.

Practical Steps for Evaluation

Take a proactive approach to evaluate your relationships:

- Make a List: Identify the people in your life and assess their curiosity and interest in personal growth.

- Reflect on Relationships: Consider your closest relationships. Are they built on mutual curiosity and respect? Are these people committed to their own growth and contribution?

- Self-Assessment: Evaluate your own level of curiosity. Are you genuinely interested in understanding yourself and others more deeply?

In the journey of building a legacy life, judgment isn’t something to avoid; it’s a tool to refine. By fostering curiosity and surrounding yourself with like-minded individuals, you can navigate challenges and create a fulfilling, growth-oriented environment. Remember, the right people will support your vision and contribute to a life by design. Embrace judgment wisely, and let curiosity be your guide.

Your coach,

Faisal, CHPC

TRANSCRIPTION

Hello, amazing investors. I was just, uh, going on a walk nearby my place. It's a beautiful trail here. I actually found a new path to another trail. And this is, uh, sometimes we think about adventure and exploration and faraway lands and different places, but actually this was around the corner. I hadn't even been on this trail, so it's pretty beautiful here.

Uh, there are a few mosquitoes here, so you'll see me fighting mosquitoes along the way. So I'm on a, on a, uh, in a battle here. Um, have you seen me, uh, hitting my hand and stuff? That's because of that. So, um, I have a topic here for you. Here's a better way to judge others than judge yourself. And you might be thinking, what?

You want me to judge others than judge myself? I thought we weren't supposed to judge people. Well, I think this is one of those politically correct stuff, uh, ideas that we've gotten in the modern day where don't judge others, don't judge yourself. Have love and acceptance. While nothing wrong in principle, the idea is sweet.

Sounds very spiritual. It's kind of cloaked around a misunderstanding of how the human mind works And here's what I mean. Actually the only way your mind understands the world is through judgment. There's no other way And judgment not in the sense of people have put a value It's part of people's value not to judge others or something like that It's one of those high things that people will say to make themselves feel better.

But here's how our mind works Our mind makes sense of the environment around us by judging it. And that's in the basic sense of the word, which means that it will separate things. It will separate, for example, it will, uh, just looking at the human body, here's our neck and here's our shoulder. But where does your neck begin and the shoulder end?

Do you know? You don't. It's all a continuous process. In fact, everything in nature is a continuous process. Our mind tries to separate it to make sense of it. And this is how we, uh, how science works too. We put Things in categories to make sense of it in biology, physics, chemistry, but sciences are all interconnected.

The universe is all interconnected. Things around us are interconnected. And so I won't go too deep into this. That there's a whole other topic, but, um, for the sake of this topic, Oh man, there are a lot of mosquitoes here for the sake of this topic, when you. As soon as you run into a person, your mind will create a series of judgments and psychology.

We actually call those heuristics like shortcuts to make sense of who's around you. For example, if it will try to put the person or situation in a category of whether or not it's positive or negative to, for the most part, your mind tries to protect you. It's like, okay, let me assess this very quickly.

So you're in a safe environment, so you don't hurt yourself. So you don't die. Worst case scenario. And most of the time your mind is trying to protect you. So it will judge the environment around you. It will judge people. In fact, you're probably judging me right now as you're looking at this and like, what is this guy doing online video?

And that's okay. But here is a better way to judge, uh, since your mind is a judgmental mind. And I will say the other cat. The caveat, the thing that most people say, don't judge people, be compassionate and all that stuff. That does go into the deeper spiritual realm, but that requires actually an awareness of who you are and a better understanding of yourself.

It's not like an ideology or idea. What that means is that you put a pause on the judgment of the mind and even though the judgment is there, you put a pause on it or you don't, you don't, you kind of listen to it the way you might listen to incomplete information. from somebody or from a source, then you're like, okay, let me get more information before I jumped to conclusion or, or I act based on that judgment.

But most people are not aware of something like that. And if you are, you're at a different level of awareness. So coming back, coming back. Here's how you can judge others better. This will help you understand what kind of person you're dealing with. This will help you understand what kind of person you are.

And it's not even about, Oh, this, this is how this person is. And it's very static. Actually, people can change. People can grow. Not everybody. There are certain category of people who are open to growth and change. And the first thing is if you're in business, if you're investing, if you're in sales, you're constantly connecting with people.

So how do you know? What kind of person you want to connect with? Well, there's this formula that actually came from, uh, I learned it, uh, the, the time that I remember, I learned it from Brendan Bouchard who said that, um, and, and I think he, it was in his book, high performance habits as well. One of his books or maybe one of his lectures.

I don't know. I don't remember at this time, but I think it's high performance habits, but what he said, and I read this about seven years ago, six years ago, whenever the book came up, curiosity equals success. Curiosity equals success. Now on the surface, it sounds like, okay, sure. And then he explained, elaborated on it.

And he said that people who are curious Incredibly curious about themselves, about other people and the world around them, the bigger world around them. They tend to almost always be successful people. They tend to almost always be people who are more fulfilled, more purposeful. Not because kind of they force themselves to be curious, but because they have this natural curiosity and maybe some of them Develop that curiosity over time and it also goes to our innate nature as human beings We are curious at least a sect or a subset of human beings are incredibly curious Naturally speaking.

We are curious species, but then there's a subset of human beings who are incredibly even more curious. This is why somebody like Einstein would say that, uh, uh, the only difference between you and me is that I'm, I'm incredibly curious about the thing that I do. Um, and he was the thing that mattered to him and any person you ask, they're actually not just curious, they're obsessed about the thing that matters to them.

So what does this mean in terms of judgment? That means that if you're running into all sorts of people, that one of the quickest ways to know the kind of person that you want to deal with. And here's my caveat, the kind of person you want to deal with in business and life where you're trying to create a life by design or trying to create a business that's conscious, that serves people, that helps people, that contributes, these people will be curious.

These people will be curious about themselves, the deeper parts of themselves, other people, and the world around them. So if you are talking to somebody and all they can talk about is their accomplishments, the things they have done, and they haven't asked you one question about yourself, what you do, not for the sake of finding out how they can do business with you, but just being curious.

about you and being curious about the deeper parts of themselves, their psychology, their, their, their spiritual nature, the, how the world works, religion, philosophy, science. If they're not curious, it doesn't mean that they have to be well versed in every part of this, this life, because it's very complex.

But if they're not curious about these things and they're kind of stuck in their own world, And all they can do is talk about themselves and the thing that they're doing. That is a red flag. If you run into a person like that, think twice about building a relationship with them or a long term relationship with them.

And you probably have a lot of people like that around you and that's okay. And this is why I said, this is the correct way to judge people. You, those doesn't mean that those people are bad people or evil people or negative people. All it means is that, that if you want to grow, together with people. If you want to build things, if you want to create things, it requires you to be around people who are incredibly curious.

If they're not, then you're going to struggle yourself. Now, that's the way to judge yourself as well. Are you curious about yourself, who you are, what you're about, where you're going, who you are at a deeper level, psychological, spiritual, mental, um, If you're not curious and you're not going on that journey, one, ask yourself, why aren't you curious?

What the hell are you doing with your life? It's probably one of the most important questions you can ask yourself. And then if you're not curious about other people, you just look at them like what they can do for you. And people do this in the most innocent of ways. They will look at their children, their wife, their husband, other business owners, and they look at them in their role.

And the only And this is the mind's judgment, but they look at them in that role because they're trying to figure out how they can use them in their life. Not in an evil way, but they're looking for what they do for me. And this is a common thing people, and sometimes they disconnect from the people closest to them because they're not curious about who that person is beyond that role.

For example, if you have a son and you only look at your son just in the, from the lens of, he is your son. You missed a point. He's also a human being. He's also a spiritual being. There's a deeper part of that son. If you're not interested in that son, not in that just his role as a son for you, but in that human being and that being that has will, that has individuality, that has feelings, that has an existence, that has a purpose, then you're missing the point.

Same thing with your coworkers. Same thing with your team members. Same things with other business people that you meet, that you network. This is why a lot of people fail during networking because all they care about is let me do the next deal with this person and people can see through that very quickly.

They might not be able to articulate it and tell you that, Oh, you have, you have well in L intentions, but they will get a bad feeling. And that's the other thing. Pay attention to your intuition, your heart. It will always tell you much faster than your mind's judgment. Your mind's judgment depends a lot on the amount of knowledge you have, and most people don't have that extensive of a knowledge to make sense of things that quickly.

But your intuition, and you're also hardwired to tell what's good for you and what's not a lot of times. You might ignore it, and a lot of people do, but pay attention to what you feel when you're around other people. If you feel like there's something off about a person, get the hell out of there, or at least consider why you feel like that.

So, start thinking about who are the people around you. Start thinking It sounds really bad as I'm saying this or maybe it doesn't maybe that's my judgment my mind's judgment, but consider Making a list of all the people that are around you who are the people who are incredibly curious about themselves about other people About the world.

Hey about the world. Um And do you have a deeper relationship with them? Have you built something with them? Have you collaborated with them? Do you learn from them? If you are not paying attention to those people, there is a problem in your own thinking. And now, think about the people that are around you always.

Your team members, your family, your friends. What kind of people are they? Are they curious people? Are they curious deeply about themselves? Who they are? Who they are becoming? Are they curious about the world around them? Are they just kind of attached to ideologies? I'm this, I'm that, and not really caring about what other people are and how to make sense of other people, the world.

They don't care about contribution. They don't care about who they're becoming. They don't care about creating something important to contribute. Which is fine. That's their role. That's their function. And they've created a life like that. I'm not saying they're evil people. I'm saying if you want to build, build with people that are incredibly curious about the path that they're on.

If you're not, you're going to run into a lot of challenges because these, uh, most people who are not like that, they're incredibly, they have lost control of their mind. Their mind is running the show. That means that whatever judgment their mind gives them based on an ideology or a system, whatever they're in, the majority is.

Conformity, they will dump it on you today. They will look at somebody else as evil tomorrow. They will look at you as evil the day after they will point fingers at somebody else. That's what you will run into. And because you're in business. Because you're in the business of creating things, designing your life, you will be running into hardships.

You're naturally experimenting with things. You're naturally creating things. You're naturally iterating a lot. So you will run into difficult times and usually you start to see people's real sides when you struggle. And as soon as you see that at that time, it's probably a little too late. It's probably harming you already.

Well, uh, so, uh,

it's a nice trail a lot of people Either bike or walk here. I hope I haven't gotten lost. So I just wanted to leave you with this. Consider yourself. Are you somebody who is incredibly curious about yourself, about others and about the world at large? Maybe even the universe at large. If you're not, I would encourage you to get curious because there's a lot to learn.

If you're not a person who wants to learn and apply, wants to learn and understand the world, then you've got problems. And if you're around other people who are not, then Learners who are not open to growth, who are not, um, dealing with their own judgments, then you gotta, you better get the hell out of there, or at least assess the situation, because you will get harmed at some point, and you will break down whatever you're doing.

Again, my caveat is, Just because those people exist and they're probably the majority doesn't mean they're harmful. They're people who are evil or bad people. It's just that I'm talking about the specific function of building and creating. And one of the hardest things to do, sometimes your own spouse and the people closest to you might be like that.

Assess, understand, who are they? You might have to challenge them and push them to grow with you. Or you might have to understand why they're not growing because your life is close to them. Think about your business partners. Think about your collaborators. You need to understand what kind of people there.

If you're not doing that, you're not doing your due diligence. I hope this was helpful. Tell me what your thoughts are. Tell me if this was helpful to you. Maybe it was completely not helpful to you. I'm okay with that. I'd love to hear your thoughts. I, uh, and I want to just. I will personally respond to that and kind of continue the conversation so we can all learn from each other.

Until my next conversation, hope you have an incredible day. Oh, wait, I forgot. Next week, I'm doing a vision building session. You're going to learn so much. Uh, we're going to go into four key areas that are holding you back. Trust me. They're not what you think. Uh, we're going to go really deep into it. And then I'm going to walk you through a process to build your vision.

Not just what do I want, but What exactly do you want long term? What is that vision of that? How do you feel it connect to it? Who are you becoming in the process? Why are you building all this? Why is it personally important to you? And what is the path towards building that strategy wise? If you don't know how to do this, if you've never gone through a process like this, This will serve you so much, especially because the middle of the year and you want to reassess your goals and your vision, jump in is completely free and you'll get a chance to connect with so many incredible investors.

And I am around some of the best people because I love curious people. I love people who want to build, create, serve, contribute, and they're usually around me and they're going to be on that session. So see you there. If you want access to that, just type hashtag vision or find the registration link.

Somewhere in one of my posts. It's been being promoted at this time. All right, that's it for me Hope you have an incredible day. I will go enjoy this beautiful day