Self vs. Ego: Who Is Really Showing Up?

The difference between the person you’ve learned to become and the person you were before the world told you who to be.

We often hear the word ego and immediately think of arrogance, pride, or an inflated sense of self.

But what if ego is much more subtle than that?

What if ego isn’t something you need to destroy, suppress, or overcome—but simply a part of you that developed in response to the world around you?

And what if, underneath that personality, there is another part of you that is quieter, deeper, and far less reactive?

This distinction between ego and self has become one of the most important ideas in my own journey.

Learning to recognize which one is showing up—not pushing the ego away, but understanding it and integrating it with the deeper self—has changed the way I make decisions, relate to people, experience peace, and live with purpose.

It is not an easy process.

But the more aware you become of these two forces, the more freedom you have to choose how you respond to life.

Creative Expression Is Deeper Than Art

When we talk about creative expression, most people immediately think about art.

Painting. Music. Writing. Design. Photography.

And while all of those things are forms of creative expression, creativity goes much deeper.

At its core, creative expression is about how you show up in the world.

It affects the decisions you make, the relationships you build, the work you create, and the life you construct.

That is why understanding self versus ego matters.

Because before you can authentically express yourself, you have to begin asking:

Who is actually expressing themselves?

Is it the deeper part of you?

Or is it the version of you that learned how to survive, adapt, fit in, protect itself, and gain approval?

That question can change everything.

The Toothache That Changed the Way I Made Decisions

Years ago, during the early stages of this journey, I was doing a lot of soul-searching.

One night, I woke up in the middle of the night with an incredibly painful toothache.

The pain was intense.

I couldn't sleep.

And my immediate reaction was accompanied by a very serious, intense voice in my head:

"You can take this."

That voice felt powerful.

It felt certain.

It felt like something I was supposed to listen to.

But then something interesting happened.

Another part of me questioned it.

"Why is this voice in my head?"

The moment I questioned it, the intensity dropped.

The situation suddenly became lighter.

Instead of surrendering to that intense internal voice, I got out of bed, went to the kitchen, took some pain medication, went back to sleep, and dealt with the problem later.

The toothache turned out to be an infection, so eventually I had to address it properly.

But the important lesson wasn't about the tooth.

It was about how I was making decisions.

For years, I had treated that intense voice as the ultimate authority.

Whenever something felt serious, urgent, angry, frustrating, or threatening, I assumed that intensity meant truth.

But it didn't.

Sometimes intensity was simply a reaction.

And once I learned to question it, I could make better decisions.

That realization made me look at other areas of my life.

How many decisions had I made from anger?

How many had come from frustration?

How many were attempts to prove myself?

How many were driven by fear?

And how many were actually aligned with who I wanted to be?

That distinction is incredibly important.

Because something can feel right simply because it is intense.

Intensity does not necessarily mean alignment.

Ego Is Not the Enemy

One of the biggest misunderstandings about ego is that we should eliminate it.

I don't think that's the goal.

The goal is to understand it.

For thousands of years, human beings have tried to understand this distinction between the personality we develop and the deeper self underneath it.

Psychology eventually gave us the language of ego.

Indian traditions have used concepts such as Atman and anātman to explore the nature of self and non-self.

Greek philosophy spoke of the daimon, particularly through figures such as Socrates, who described an inner guiding force.

Even Carl Jung, one of the foundational figures of modern psychology, wrote about something deeper guiding his work—something beyond the conscious personality.

Different cultures have used different language.

But the question is remarkably similar:

Who are you beneath the personality you've developed?

Your Ego Is Shaped by Your Environment

Think about what happens when a child grows up.

A child is born into a family.

That family has rules.

Certain behaviors are encouraged.

Others are discouraged.

Some emotions are welcomed.

Others are rejected.

Certain traits are rewarded.

Others are punished.

And children learn.

They adapt.

They observe.

They imitate.

They discover what allows them to belong.

Even something as simple as spending a weekend around another child can change the way a child behaves. They may come home acting differently because they've picked up another person's mannerisms, expressions, or personality.

The parents might say:

"Stop acting like that other child."

But here's an interesting question:

How do we know that behavior wasn't also part of the child?

Perhaps they simply discovered another way of expressing themselves.

This is what environments do.

They shape us.

They teach us what is acceptable.

They teach us what isn't.

And over time, those adaptations become part of our personality.

That personality is what we often call the ego.

The ego is, in many ways, a response to the environment.

It is the part of you that learned how to function within your family, culture, community, relationships, and circumstances.

And that's not necessarily bad.

In fact, it's necessary.

Human beings are built to adapt.

We need to function within groups.

We need relationships.

We need belonging.

We need to understand social expectations.

The problem begins when we mistake the adaptation for the entirety of who we are.

The Self Is Something Different

Watch young children closely.

From the moment they are born, they are different.

Even children raised in the same family can have dramatically different temperaments, interests, curiosities, and ways of interacting with the world.

There is something uniquely them that seems difficult to explain.

That is what I mean by self.

You can call it your soul.

Your core.

Your essence.

Your true self.

You can interpret it spiritually, psychologically, biologically, or philosophically.

The label matters less than the experience.

The important question is:

What part of you has remained underneath all the adaptations?

Your personality changes.

Think about yourself ten years ago.

You probably don't behave exactly the way you did then.

Your circumstances changed.

Your relationships changed.

Your experiences changed.

Your knowledge changed.

Your personality adapted.

But there is probably another part of you that, when you look back far enough, feels strangely familiar.

Even as a child, there was something about you that felt like you.

That deeper continuity is what we're pointing toward when we talk about the self.

Ego Reacts. Self Expands.

Here's one useful way to distinguish them.

Ego reacts to the environment.

Self responds to the present.

The ego is closely connected to the intellect and language.

Language is taught.

Your mind uses language to interpret your environment, understand expectations, predict outcomes, and protect you.

Your self, on the other hand, seems much more connected to your entire embodied experience.

It's not just something happening in your thoughts.

You feel it.

Your body responds.

You experience it as peace, freedom, connection, curiosity, or an intuitive sense of alignment.

This distinction becomes especially important when you've experienced pain.

Why We Run From Ourselves

Imagine someone experiences something painful.

Their mind doesn't know how to process it.

So it creates a way of protecting them.

It compartmentalizes the experience.

It avoids it.

It suppresses it.

It builds defenses around it.

Over time, the personality becomes increasingly shaped by those defenses.

And eventually, the very mechanisms designed to protect the person can prevent them from accessing deeper parts of themselves.

That's why genuine self-connection often requires us to move toward discomfort rather than constantly running away from it.

Not suppressing.

Not repressing.

Not pretending.

Facing.

This doesn't mean endlessly dwelling on pain.

It means becoming willing to understand what is underneath the reaction.

Because sometimes the anger isn't the real issue.

The frustration isn't the real issue.

The defensiveness isn't the real issue.

The fear isn't the real issue.

Those may simply be signals that something deeper hasn't been faced.

Peace Doesn't Always Come From Getting More

One of the interesting things about the self is that moments of connection often have very little to do with external circumstances.

Peace isn't necessarily a result of having more money.

Or more success.

Or more recognition.

Or a better situation.

Sometimes people experience profound peace in circumstances where, from the outside, there seems to be very little to be peaceful about.

There are spiritual traditions where people intentionally detach from ordinary desires and material concerns in order to pursue deeper connection.

From a Western perspective, that can seem strange.

Why would someone who has so little be viewed as a source of wisdom?

But perhaps the point isn't what they possess.

Perhaps the point is what they have learned to let go of.

The Ego Lives in the Past and Future

Another useful distinction is the relationship between ego and time.

The ego is constantly moving between the past and the future.

The past contains guilt, shame, memories, wounds, and unresolved experiences.

The future contains uncertainty, fear, anticipation, and attempts to protect ourselves from what might happen.

Meanwhile, the present is where your body actually exists.

The present is where experience is happening.

And the present is where you can actually respond.

Unless you're sitting on top of a mountain meditating all day, the challenge is not necessarily to get rid of the mind.

The challenge is to make the process efficient enough that your mind and ego don't constantly dominate your attention.

Because when the ego takes over, you can spend your entire life reacting to something that isn't actually happening anymore—or preparing for something that hasn't happened yet.

And you miss what's happening right now.

Protection vs. Growth

Perhaps the simplest distinction is this:

Ego wants to protect you.

Self wants to expand you.

Your ego asks:

"How do I stay safe?"

"How do I avoid rejection?"

"How do I make sure I belong?"

"How do I protect myself?"

The self asks:

"How do I grow?"

"How do I become more free?"

"What am I capable of?"

"What wants to be expressed through me?"

You need both.

Protection matters.

Adaptation matters.

Belonging matters.

But growth matters too.

And the challenge of life is learning how to let the protective part of you do its job without allowing it to control your entire existence.

What If Growing Up Means Becoming a Child Again?

Alan Watts once explored a fascinating idea:

What if the secret to life is returning to the qualities of a child, but with the wisdom and strength of an adult?

Think about a two-year-old trying to tie their shoelaces.

The adult is thinking:

"We're late. We need to go."

The child doesn't care.

"Leave me alone. I'm going to figure this out."

There is something beautiful in that determination.

There is curiosity.

There is freedom.

There is the desire to become capable.

As adults, we gain strength.

We gain resources.

We build networks.

We gain wisdom through experience.

But somewhere along the way, we can lose the curiosity and freedom we had as children.

Perhaps maturity isn't about becoming less like that child.

Perhaps it's about recovering those qualities while bringing the wisdom of everything we've experienced.

Not losing the ego.

Not abandoning everything we've learned.

But integrating our experiences with the deeper part of ourselves.

The Cost of Living From Reaction

So why does any of this matter?

Because every decision has a cost.

Think about your relationships.

When someone says something you don't like, who responds?

The deeper part of you?

Or the defensive part?

Think about your business.

When an opportunity comes along with a lot of money attached to it, what drives the decision?

Is it simply the money?

Or does the opportunity actually align with the direction you want your life to take?

Think about the people you surround yourself with.

Why are you choosing them?

What are you trying to prove?

What are you trying to avoid?

What are you trying to protect?

Or what are you trying to create?

These questions matter because your internal state eventually becomes visible in your external life.

Your Emotions Can Become Signals

There's nothing inherently wrong with anger.

There's nothing inherently wrong with frustration.

There's nothing inherently wrong with fear.

Emotions aren't the enemy.

But they can provide information.

If you repeatedly find yourself angry, defensive, frustrated, disconnected, or afraid, it may be worth asking:

What am I reacting to?

What am I protecting?

What haven't I faced?

Who is showing up right now?

When we're operating from a highly reactive state, our thinking becomes narrower.

We become more focused on immediate protection than creativity, exploration, or possibility.

And that can dramatically influence the decisions we make.

You Have More Than One "You"

One of the most useful frameworks for understanding this is Internal Family Systems, which takes a more complex view of the different parts that exist within us.

There may be multiple tendencies inside you.

One part may want to achieve.

Another may want to hide.

One may be ambitious.

Another may be afraid.

One may want connection.

Another may want independence.

One may be highly focused.

Another may want rest.

The goal isn't necessarily to judge these parts.

It's to understand them.

Because a tendency that is incredibly useful in one environment can become destructive in another.

A business owner who is intensely focused and constantly pushing forward may thrive professionally.

But if that same tendency is brought into every personal relationship, it can damage intimacy and connection.

The question isn't:

"Which part of me is good?"

The better question is:

"Which part of me is appropriate for this moment?"

And that awareness gives you choice.

Awareness Creates Choice

The first step is noticing.

Notice what happens inside you when someone challenges you.

Notice what happens when you're criticized.

Notice what happens when you're offered an opportunity.

Notice what happens when you're afraid.

Notice what happens when someone doesn't give you the response you wanted.

Notice what happens when your pride gets involved.

Once you can observe the pattern, you gain distance from it.

And once you gain distance, you can choose.

You can decide:

"I don't need this part of me to lead right now."

That isn't suppression.

It's awareness.

And with enough awareness, you begin training yourself to access different parts of who you are depending on the context.

You Don't Control Other People's Responses

Sometimes the clearest example of this comes through relationships.

There are moments when pride stops us from saying what we actually want to say.

You may want to reach out to someone.

You may want to apologize.

You may want to express love.

But then your mind begins asking:

"What will they say?"

"What if they reject me?"

"What if they don't respond?"

"What if I look weak?"

And suddenly, the ego takes control.

But there's an important realization:

Their response belongs to them.

Your action belongs to you.

You don't control what someone else does with your honesty.

You only control whether you show up in alignment with yourself.

That shift can be incredibly freeing.

What If Ego Isn't Even Real?

There's a story about a spiritual teacher in India.

Someone came to him and complained:

"My ego is bothering me."

The teacher responded with a simple question:

"Show me your ego. Where is it?"

The person couldn't answer.

And that's the point.

The ego may feel incredibly real because we've spent years reinforcing it.

But it can also be understood as a structure—a collection of tendencies formed through our reactions to our environment.

It isn't necessarily the entirety of who we are.

We say:

"I'm just an angry person."

"I'm just an anxious person."

"I'm just competitive."

"That's just who I am."

But perhaps those statements confuse a pattern of behavior with an identity.

You may behave a certain way.

But that doesn't mean you are that behavior.

You may have developed a tendency.

But that doesn't mean the tendency defines the whole of you.

And that distinction creates room for change.

One Life. No Do-Overs.

Regardless of what you believe about God, reincarnation, or what happens after death, there is one undeniable reality:

You get this life once.

There may be multiple versions of your life within it.

You will make different decisions.

Take different paths.

Become different versions of yourself.

But you don't get to restart this exact life.

That makes awareness incredibly valuable.

Every decision carries a cost.

Every reaction shapes something.

Every relationship is affected by who shows up.

Every opportunity reveals something about what drives you.

And the more aware you become, the more intentionally you can live.

So, Who Is Showing Up?

This is ultimately the question.

When you're making a decision, who is showing up?

When you're in a relationship, who is showing up?

When you're running your business, who is showing up?

When someone challenges you, who is showing up?

When you're afraid, who is showing up?

When you're angry, who is showing up?

Is it the part of you reacting to the environment?

Or is it the deeper part of you that wants to grow, connect, create, and become more free?

The answer won't always be obvious.

And that's okay.

This isn't about achieving perfection.

It's about becoming aware.

Because the more you notice the difference between reaction and alignment, protection and growth, personality and self, the more choice you have.

And perhaps that's what real creative expression ultimately means.

Not simply creating something.

Not simply expressing an opinion.

Not simply building a business.

But allowing more of the real you to show up in the way you live.

You may be much bigger than the version of yourself you've become accustomed to.

And some of the tendencies you currently think are you may simply be patterns you learned along the way.

The work is not to destroy those parts.

It is to understand them.

To honor them.

To know when they are useful.

And, ultimately, to choose which part of you gets to lead.

Because the goal isn't to become someone else.

The goal is to become aware enough to finally let more of yourself show up.

TRANSCRIPT

This topic should kind of get us ready to think through uh on our group's coaching session on creative expression. And a lot of times when I bring up creative expression, we think it's some kind something related to arts or something like that. And it is to to a degree, but it's actually much deeper than that. And that is why I wanted to do this session on self versus ego. And you might think, well, why is that relevant? Well, I'll tell you this that my biggest breakthrough in the past decade has been trying learning to differentiate between both of those tendencies. Not learning to push aside ego, but actually integrate it as part of my thinking and understanding when self shows up and when ego shows up and bringing them together. And that is a hard hard thing to do. And it's still hard at times. But the more I've been able to do that, the more peace I've had internally, the better decisions I've made, uh the more people I've been able to serve and contribute to, the more purposeful my life has become. And and just to add to that, pretty much anybody that I've worked with, if I can get them to separate those two in the moment or in their decision-m process, who shows up, they experience very similar things. And again, I'm not saying any of this will lead to perfection, but if you're trying to grow in business, in your life, if you're trying to be at peace, if you're trying to work through things from the past, if you're trying to show up better in your relationships, it all comes down to who's showing up internally for you.

And I'll start this off with a story. So years ago, uh, when it was sort of the the beginnings of this journey and I and I was doing, like Scott said, a lot of soulsearching for all kinds of different things. And um, I was I woke up in the middle of the night with a really bad toothache. And you might think, what does toothach have to do any this? It does. So I woke up in the middle of the night with a really bad toothache. And I and and like the pain was so I couldn't couldn't sleep. And my first instinct and the first voice that I heard in my head was you can take this and it was very intense and it was very serious. And then the second instance I had this feeling that oh why is this voice in my head? I started there's a part of me that started questioning that. That part of me that started questioning that all of a sudden that intensity dropped and what I did was I walked out of my room went to the kitchen kitchen grabbed I think it was a Tylenol or an Advil. I took that and I I laughed and I went to sleep.

Now you might think what does that have to do with anything? So in in the past I would have listened to that serious intense voice in my head and that serious intense voice has always been the determining uh factor for all kinds of decisions that I had made up until that point. But then this other voice came in that questioned what this intense voice was saying. And that questioning not only dropped the intensity but it made the moment lighter and I made a better decision. And why why was it a better decision? So if I just took it and I say say that I can take this, I would have not slept all night. I had a huge presentation the next day. I would have not performed and served at the level that I needed to. When I made the decision when I made the decision to to just take a Tylenol, relax, go to sleep, and deal of course I dealt with the outcomes of it. It was it was a tooth infection. Later on I realized that I had to do something about it. But that whole that whole incident told me something that there are other areas I'm making decisions that are coming out of this intensity that is not really required. It is not needed in the moment.

And sometimes that intensity showed up in the form of anger. Sometimes it showed up in the form of frustration. Sometimes in the form of some thing to prove myself with. But most of the time it's it wasn't necessary. And that's what I want to go towards is that in that moment I was able to see a real decision that aligned with my path versus the thing that appeared good.

And I want you to think about this as I'm kind of working through this with you and we'll have a discussion at the end. We already talked about why it's important because it has a huge bearing on how you connect with other people. For example, your decisions with how you respond to people, whether you're defensive versus not. Your decisions and moving forward in business because there's a lot of money about to be had versus what does this mean long-term and yes, make a lot of money, but does this feel aligned with me or your decisions around how what kind of partners you're around? What is that based on? And that becomes a very important frame.

So I want to talk about ego versus self just as a concept for first of all because um it's become convoluted in modern times. So I want to make it abundantly first of all clear in the next 2 minutes what that is and we this is not the first time in history we've questioned this. We've been studying this as human beings for thousands of years. And I'll give you some names of what ego has been over timelines in different cultures.

And the first one being um we know we call it ego and that term actually came from the world of psychology. It didn't exist in a lot of c cultures before that. And essentially that referred to your personality. The mo one of the most ancient versions of that name is actually uh is from the Indian literature one of their oldest books with which says an atman which means nonself not real self. Atman is self which connects to the spirit which is god which the creator for everything.

Uh let me talk about the other side of it. Soul self. What is that? What what do we mean by self? And different cultures have explained them in different ways. Uh in monotheistic cultures we say soul and modern language some people call it your core. What you came with it's what you came with here regardless of what interference that was there. Uh self is another term for it. Don uh in Greek culture later on it it got u corrupted into demon. uh but Don was something somebody like Socrates who's one of our favorite philosophers of the western culture Socrates and Plato Socrates often talk about the Don that guided him what was that that was his soul his core uh even the modern of uh the the modern era somebody like the father of psychology Carl Young said the same thing at the end of his book his autobiography he mentioned this that I wish I could take credit for all the work that I had done but there was something else guiding me in this process and this something else I can never say what that is but it's been the force behind everything and he was referring to the same Don that Socrates with a different name he called it his soul his his real core.

um and I want to give some differentiations here for you to to and and I'm saying all this for you to separate out the two sides not to put put one down and put the other one higher but see who's showing up in decision-m now self the difference between ego and Another difference is ego. Ego is in reaction to the environment and that's what we call our personality. Why is it formed? So as human being you are born in a family. You're given certain traits that are acceptable, certain traits that are not acceptable.

We do this in a funny way with our kids too. For example, uh if my kids spend a weekend with a bunch of their friends and they're around us, uh they start acting like somebody else because they picked up on their personality and they start acting that way. They become silly or something else. They come to to our house. What do we say? Every parent says that like stop acting like this other child because we didn't like something in that. But how do we know that was just not part of them too? They just observed a different part. They just liked the way that person acted.

But here's what happens. Every family, every culture, every group um has certain acceptable traits that you're allowed to exhibit and that essentially becomes your ego. That becomes your personality that you express within that environment. And that personality carries you and it's always in reaction formed in reaction to what was acceptable, what was uh what was allowed to flourish versus what was not allowed to flourish.

self is a little bit different. And this is where if you've ever been a parent or if you've ever been around young children, you find from the moment that they're born, they're ve every kid is very different. You might they might have personalities and traits and the way they look like their parents or their their people, but uh you will see they're very unique in their own way and you can't put a finger on it and it's very subtle sometimes very dominant.

And the the challenge is ego is a natural reaction to our environment because that's how our species is built. We're built within a family. We need to uh we need to adapt to our environment. But then the challenge is how do we preserve the core that we came in here with? Whatever the belief is behind it, whether it was sent by God or it was just the core of what we came in or is a product of genetic makeup, the variation of that. I don't care how you look at it. But the challenge is how do we preserve the real you, the core that you came in with as along with the personality that gets developed.

And here's a cool thing about personality. Personality is always changing. It's never the same. All you have to do is look back. There are certain things that will stay stable, but there's certain other things you will never act the way you used to act when you were younger or when you were less experienced or when you were in a different context or in a different relationship. Why? Because that's always in reaction to your environment.

But the core of you, if you actually really look back to as far back as you remember when you looked at yourself in the mirror, when you thought you might not ha have the complexity of thinking that you have now, but you actually knew you're the same self that you are now. There's actually virtually it's the same core that's been wanting to express itself in all kinds of different ways. It's the same self. And this is why um self doesn't change in reaction to environment. self is everpresent. It's there.

Now, how much you use it, how big you it shows up, how small, that depends on what you nurture. And here here are a few cool things um to think about. And in in the again, these are things to experiment with rather than concepts to hold on to. You don't have to hold on to any of it, but notice and experiment see which one is true for you.

For example, ego. In my experience, when I've seen what others have gone through, ego is usually connected to the intellect. It's usually connected to your language. Your language is taught to you and your mind is constantly having a dialogue with itself to fit and adapt into the environment you're born in with the language that you have.

Self is a little bit different. And this is why most cultures will say heart is the seed of the soul. I've expanded that because we know that our nervous system is all over our body and they're all interacting each other. I would say that yourself is much more connected to your body than it is to your intellect.

Your intellect houses the language. Of course, that also houses your creativity and the way you express and all that stuff, but but it's much more connected to your body. And there in lies the the the challenge.

If your true self is somehow connected to your body and your personality is dependent on your environment, let's say in your environment, you went through some hurt and pain and challenge and your mind didn't know how to make sense of it and it just compartmentalized it at some level, one level or another in the form of a trauma or pain or whatever it might be.

And the only way for you to really connect with the self is to go through that pain, not avoid the pain, not suppress, not repress, go towards it.

You can see what the challenge is that most of us have don't have access to that part of us, that deeper part of us. Because over the years, you've seen a lot of pain. You've seen a lot of struggles. You've seen challenges. And there's a part of you which is the personality, the ego in response to the environment that has been set up or shaped that doesn't allow you to access it.

Now I'm not saying you can't access it at all. I think everybody has moments of and and those moments show up in the form of peace, freedom, and they're not because you have a bunch of money. They're not because you have some situation, but because you just feel connected.

There was a spir spiritual teacher you might have heard of him cartili he's still around uh he wrote in his book that the two the most peaceful two years of his life was when he was homeless wandering around alone he was homeless wandering around from one place to another and everybody felt bad for him he's like those were the two most peaceful parts of his life because he was deeply connected and he was in a meditative state.

now he did come out of that and became he actually became Oprah's mentor and then he wrote amazing books But to him, uh, it showed up in an unexpected situation. He didn't need the money. He didn't need a lot of that stuff. For some reason, he felt most connected in those times.

Interestingly, if you go to India, it's interesting. The people who ask for money, not everybody, but the in and they have the oldest tradition that these these older people and and very simple garments or sometimes not even wearing clothing come and ask for food. People don't look down on them as beggars. They actually look up at them. They they have kind of connected to another reality. In fact, they're afraid to say no to them because they understand a reality that most other people understand. They go there for go to them for blessings.

It's the oddest concept in the western civilization. A beggar is the source of wisdom for people. But they actually hold it as the highest value. Why? Because these people have chosen to detach from the everyday wantings and desires and actually connect to something deeper and all we're doing is giving them some food because we're working towards all that stuff but they don't look at down on them because of that.

So it's a very odd reality um for a lot of people in the west again.

So ego is also very much connected to past and future. This part of the reason in a lot of the work that we do in here is to actually make sense of the past and future.

So the mind connected to the ego leaves you the hell alone. And I always tell tell everybody is that unless you're sitting on top of a mountain like a monk and meditating all day. You actually need to make the process much more efficient to let to get your mind and ego to leave you alone.

So you can be where? In the present. Because that's where the ego is found. Your body actually responds to the present. Your self responds to the b present. Who you are responds to the present.

The problem is that your mind wants to take you to the future. To the past future usually to the past because of some guilt, shame, unresolved issue. Future because you're afraid of something or it's trying to protect you.

And this is the the final piece of the difference is and this is why they're both important. Ego wants to protect you. Your mind wants to protect you. Yourself wants you to expand and grow.

And those are the two dimen dimensions to your life. One is one is trying to protect you at all times. That's why it's adapting to your environment, making sure that you have other people around you. Make sure you're you're not being outcasted by your tribe, culture, whatever.

And then but there's the deeper part of you that uh I'll go back to the reference of children again that if you watch a 2-year-old for example try tying the shoelaces of a 2-year-old and you will know what what freedom means.

It's like what do you leave me alone and the parents are like rushing around we got to get somewhere I don't care like I'm going to figure this out and they'll just go there and try trying to do this.

Why? Because there's a part of them that wants to be free. there's a part of him that wants to grow, but you're like, "No, you got to adapt to that moment."

And I remember moments where I had to force my like when I had the time and energy, I'd be like, "Okay, let them I'll let them mess around with that for 5 10 minutes." But there were times I had to pick them up. It's like, "Let's go. I don't care if you cry right now because we got to be in this meeting."

Um, but but it shows up from very early time. There's a part of you that I need to grow. I need to be self-sufficient. I need to be free. And also you have a part of you that needs to work with everybody that needs to adapt that needs to

Now here's the biggest challenge that that comes up. Alan Watts uh proposed this idea. He said that what if the secret to life is that you go back to being a child with the wisdom and strength of an adult.

And strength is that well he simply said that as a child you have the creativity you have the curiosity you have everything uh that would allow you to learn things but you're you're pushed around by a bunch of adults by your parents by school teachers by your environment because you're a child.

but here's what happens over the years you gain strength sometimes strength is in the form of physical sometimes it's a form of resources sometimes the form of your network and you gain wisdom wisdom is in the form form of experience.

You go through hardships, challenges, you start to see the the the reality in a different way. And that's that might be the most real version of you that you don't lose your ego in the process, but you connect with that side of you that you came in with with a new understanding of the world.

So why why does it all matter? Because I I think uh one of the weird things and and by the way a lot of these concepts showed up in religion later on about good versus evil evil uh even the idea of devil might have came from ego uh it might be an expert that's why I said Don used to be a personal god which was soul it later on became demon demons might be the negative side of you even even monotheistic religions to this they will look at it that oh there's a devil always on beside you telling you what to do

What if that's the ego?

And that's what Kleon Young proposed that what if our job is to integrate the the the devil in its right place. Don't let it take you by off guard. Let it be there to protect you, whatever that is, because it's there to protect you, but don't let it interfere with your freedom and growth.

And so, what does that mean for you as as a human being right now? Whether you're running a business, whether you're running a family, where are your decisions coming from?

Are they coming from a deeper part of you that usually feels like you're at peace or are they coming from reactionary uh states like fear, disconnection, anger, frustrations?

And your emotions usually mirror that. If you usually, nothing wrong with the emotions, but that your body is usually telling you if you're frustrated, angry, disconnected, those kind of things, there's something you haven't faced, your ego is acting out.

And that our brain physiologies uh is mirroring that too is that that your thinking part of the brain, creative part of the brain is not even active. It's going to the hind rate brain. It's reactionary.

So which part of you is showing up in with yourself when you're in your thoughts? Which part of you is showing up in your relationships, personal or business? Which part of you is showing up when you're making decisions in your business?

And the cost of it is this. I actually believe in multiple lives. I believe that there is reincarnation. You come back. But even even with that, I believe that there's only one version of this life that we get to live. There are no doovers of this life. You get one chance. You get multiple variations of that in that one life.

But every decision has a cost. And your awareness matters probably more than anything else for yourself, for your relationships, for other people.

And this is this is aside from my beliefs. Even if you believe that there is no reincarnation, even if you believe that there is no God, uh all you have to do is just observe what you were before and what's happening now. And you will understand that there are two major forces at play here.

One force is trying to protect you within. The other one is always trying to get you to grow.

which one is the dominant force and that determines a lot of your your your decisions and environment and the people you're around. The more aware you become, the more you can make better decisions around that.

And we're all on that journey, I believe.

And on Thursday, we're going to go deeper into what what's actually happening, how much of the real you that is showing up versus the ego you in your life. Which one's more dominant? We're going to explore that deeper.

I I actually simplified between the two because if I'm connected to the self, I'm naturally taking care of my body because it's connected to the self. I don't complicate it with body as being a separate thing.

And this is why there's a been a new movement that in essence I think is true that taking care of yourself and that's whole self-love thing is a positive thing. But usually people become go in love with their ego rather than themselves and then they isolate themselves further. They did get disconnected further.

Um but I at least what's useful for me is to look at these two sides like there are two forces. The self is connected to me, not just as a concept, but my whole body, everybody around me. Um, and and and my job is to take care of all of it and help it grow.

I shared a story last week uh when I was talking about my struggle with my family and it actually took me a lot to send a message to my brother. It it took a lot. I sat down there like why why am I not saying it? like it's just I I and and I realized that the fear was what would he respond and I'm like it doesn't matter to me what he responded whatever he responds that's on him but what I say is on me and I just sent something that was positive that that felt aligned with me that was such a like you said my pride was coming in the process so I was allowing that to make that run the background

a model called internal family systems so it's a more complexified version of the ego and the self it's like there are multiple versions of you inside of you and they all need to be honored and paid attention to in some way.

And and my my guess is because you're seeing you're not judging different parts of you anymore. You're seeing them has value in different contexts, but they're not necessary for every context. They're not necessary for them to come out.

You get to decide which one comes out at which point, which tendency comes out in which because one tendency that might be positive in one context might be completely negative in another context.

Simple examples like a a business owner being hyperfocused and constantly go go might be very positive in business but you take that same tendency in personal life will break down relationships.

Pay closer attention to why you're making certain decisions, why certain parts of you shows up in one context versus another context. Why do you react to one situation versus another?

Just that awareness in itself will help reveal that you have multiple parts of you that show up with different intentions, different motives and to the extent that you become aware.

And then the second step is you get to make a decision. When do you want these parts to show up?

And that decision not is not a one-time decision. It's essentially you're training your mind to bring out different parts of itself.

and and ultimately I know we're differentiating it but I'll I'll leave you guys with the one thing and this was a spiritual teacher somebody came to him um and uh is like it was a huge lineup in India somebody came to him he's like my ego is bothering me a lot master and this and goes on and on and he was and and the the the person looked at him and said show me your ego where's your ego so I can help it.

He the the person could not process the the question. He's like, "Where's your ego so I can fix it? It doesn't exist. It's just a structure formed. It's a tendency formed in reaction. It's not real. It's just a tendency of you formed in reaction to environment.

That's why I've framed it all as in reaction to environment. The real you is this. Everything that's around you and with that that you can see, you can connect with, you can perceive."

And yes, there are forces beyond that, but it's definitely not ego.

And we're convinced that just because we are a certain way, that's who we are. Just because we act a certain way, that's who we are.

We're not.

We might be much bigger than we think. And a lot of those tendencies stop us from showing up as that better version of you.