In our quest for success, both personally and professionally, the need for control often plays a pivotal role. We associate control with certainty, and with certainty comes confidence. However, the pursuit of control can also lead to overwhelm, frustration, and a depletion of energy if not managed correctly. Understanding what aspects of your life you should control and what you need to let go of is essential for thriving in your personal and professional endeavors.

The Illusion of Control

The concept of control is deeply ingrained in us. We believe that if we can control our environment, our relationships, and our circumstances, we can secure the outcomes we desire. While there is some truth to this, it's crucial to distinguish between the areas where control is beneficial and where it is counterproductive.

Take a moment to reflect on situations where you’ve offered advice to someone, only to find that they either ignored it or didn’t follow through. This can be frustrating, especially when you’ve invested time and energy into helping them. The frustration arises not because they didn’t take your advice, but because you expected them to act on it. This expectation is a form of control, and when unmet, it leads to disappointment and judgment.

Where to Focus Your Control

Instead of trying to control others’ actions, focus on what is within your sphere of influence. For instance, as a leader or mentor, your role is to offer guidance and support. However, whether or not others take your advice is beyond your control. By releasing the need to control the outcome, you can conserve your energy and maintain better relationships.

In a business context, this principle is equally important. Collaboration with partners often involves differing opinions and approaches. When starting out, it’s natural to want things done your way, but this can lead to unnecessary conflict. Instead, adopt a mindset of openness and curiosity. Consider the possibility that your partners’ ideas may be just as valid as yours. Test different approaches with an open mind, and let data guide your decisions. This shift in mindset not only reduces friction but also fosters innovation and teamwork.

Three Areas You Shouldn’t Try to Control

To maximize your effectiveness and maintain your energy, it's essential to recognize and let go of control in three key areas:

1. Other People: Whether in your personal life or business, trying to control others' actions or decisions is futile. People are driven by their motivations, values, and circumstances. Instead of exerting control, focus on influence through clear communication, setting expectations, and offering support.

2. World Events: The 24-hour news cycle bombards us with global events that we have little to no control over. While staying informed is important, dedicating too much energy to things you can’t change only leads to stress and anxiety. Set specific times to consume news, and prefer reading over watching, as it allows for a more measured intake of information.

3. The Economy: Economic fluctuations are inevitable and largely beyond your control. Rather than trying to predict or control the economy, focus on your business’s adaptability and resilience. Build strategies that allow you to navigate economic changes without being overly reactive.

Actionable Steps for Leaders and Entrepreneurs

1. Shift Your Focus: Identify the areas in your life where you’re trying to exert control but should instead let go. Redirect your focus to areas where your influence can make a meaningful impact.

2. Practice Open Communication: In both personal and professional settings, ensure that your expectations are clear. Engage in active listening to understand others’ perspectives and adjust your approach as necessary.

3. Leverage Data: In business, let data guide your decisions. Test different strategies and be open to adapting based on the results. This reduces emotional decision-making and leads to more effective outcomes.

4. Manage Your Information Intake: Limit your exposure to news and global events that you cannot control. Set boundaries around your media consumption to protect your mental and emotional energy.

Understanding what you should and shouldn't control is a key factor in achieving a balanced and successful life. By focusing on what you can influence and letting go of what you can’t, you’ll not only enhance your leadership and business acumen but also lead a more fulfilling personal life. Start by taking small steps today—identify one area where you can release control and redirect that energy towards something that truly matters.

Have you ever experienced hitting a goal or achievement...but didn’t feel the security, freedom or success that you expected?

I have, and many of my clients also didn’t get what they were expecting either. They then set their next goal, thinking that must be the one to get them where they wanted to go.

Think of your biggest goal. When you hit that goal or achievement, do you think you’ll wonder...

• Why the hell did I do this?
• Why am I still not financially secure and feel time freedom?
• Why did I sacrifice my health and relationships to have this?
• Who am I really and why did I compromise myself for this?
• What do I have to live with now?

Despite the external success you see others having, these thoughts are more common than the positive outcomes.