Legacy - Values vs ValuablesFeb 07, 2023
Faisal: All right, we are good to go. This is our third video in this series, we're gonna be talking about legacy that connects with passion and purpose. And I loved Kelly's take on this, that she talked about values versus valuable. So we're gonna really dive into looking at legacy more in-depth rather than just saying, oh, I'm leaving generational wealth or gifts or toys or whatever for my kids or for my family or community because they deserve it or they need it.
Because what that does is it could potentially create more entitlement, less responsibility, less passion, and less purpose. And we also understand this cuz this has been done and we have data around this and people who have left generational wealth in a couple of generations. First of all, wealth goes down if there are no values or other things around it.
But second, it could create corruption. We have also known this in terms of human history. For example, the ancient Greeks at the golden age of ancient Greece. They used to think of leaving wealth as one of the worst things. But this was a very interesting insight from years ago. I came across that in a history and philosophy lecture.
So we'll discuss this in-depth with you, and if you're with us, make sure you like this post. And I'll get Kelly to get started on this one. Just share her thoughts and then we'll go into this.
Kelly: Okay, let's go. Let's roll. So legacy beyond the bank account. So what I want to invite you guys to step into in our time together is what are the values?
What are the models and what are the ways of thinking that you desire to leave behind? And I think sometimes legacy is such a big grand universal feeling that we can't really articulate it and get on board until we're looking at life-end type things. And I wanna invite you into is how can you activate
the legacy, their traditions, things now so that they are passed on generationally. Beyond the wealth. Like Faisal and I were talking about our personal history. What's your history? What are your life memories? That's all part of your legacy. Cuz of these memories I think of something as basic as
the vacations we went on as the kids were growing up as part of our legacy now because now we live in Florida, but that changed our whole family dynamic where our roots are the legacy for future generations. Now, all my kiddos. Like unless something changes in the south versus the Midwest, that is something that is going to impact the legacy.
So accomplishments, your faith values, your personal views, your dreams of the future, and even down to something as simple as family recipes, that to me goes in like a time capsule for creating legacy. So maybe the conversation is about how are we creating a living legacy. That might be like the activation piece is how can you live in your legacy and let your values and your valuables leave an impact for future generations.
Faisal: Yeah. I love that you went into the details of that. And I wanna share a story and I've thought about this for a long time, even when I was younger the automatic reaction might be, so it, we usually react to the contrast in our life. What happens as we're growing up? So if we grew up in poverty, our instinct is to think about money, or think about gifts, or let's say it's, so, I used to think about it in this way.
It actually hit me when my brother-in-law would talk about it. And I saw that I was thinking the same way, but then when I heard him say it didn't sound as good. It sounded better in my head. , it didn't sound as good when he said it. So here's what I was thinking. This was quite a few years ago.
He's like, you know, I wanna make sure my kids have gifts. I wanna make sure they have birthdays. I wanna make sure they have money. They don't have to worry about this and the other. And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then it hit me. I'm like, we're creating a bunch of spoiled brats.
That's what we're doing.
And that's against those things. Like my kids do get gifts, my kids get a lot of that stuff. But then what hit me was that cuz I took myself back, I'm like, had I had those things, how would I behave? How would I act? Part is more reflection. Then I'll just, in reaction to our past, I'll do the complete opposite and that's fine.
Our contrast tends to take us towards what we want, but then we also have a conscious mind to step back and think. So we take our heart and mind with us, that's not just the heart but the mind and to really think through. What is it that matters to us, but also what is the impact of that on future generations?
And part of that, we hear a lot of this, especially in the world, there's a huge problem around entitlement. Everybody feels entitled to everything without doing the work without being. And obviously, I understand certain areas such as basic necessities of life as humans, like food, water, these kinds of things.
Everybody needs to get it. Education should be a basic function of society. But when you go beyond those things, when people sit there and talk about, well, no, I deserve this, I deserve that, I deserve the other. But then they haven't actually done the work. And this is what I wanna kind of talk about is that when you look at most of the rest of the world doesn't operate like this.
When you come to the US or Canada, it's a little bit different because people have a lot of comfort and convenience. And so people feel entitled to get more and more and more. And so then how do we think about that in our own family? So when you bring the same culture into your family, what does that do to that culture?
When you constantly give toys and money and all sorts of conveniences, and that's the day-to-day battle for us to think about, but everybody will have to find their own balance because we don't actually have a playbook on this and we're trying to figure this out. But this is for you to think about, like, how do you think about this?
How do you implement it? What is the model, like Kelly said, you're leaving behind? By model we mean what is the role model, like who you are, primarily the role model, you and your partner possibly your life partner, and how your kids see you interact with others, how your kids see you connect with others to kind of relationships you're building, the kind of business you're building?
And so for example I love this. I was lying down on the couch this Sunday with my daughter. She's six years old. So she's starting to understand the difference between weekdays and weekends. And she knows, she usually knows when I'm done working. That's the weekend, but so she looks forward to that.
I'm usually done on Fridays at three o'clock until Monday. I don't have any work. I have a lot of work. I just intentionally, painfully don't do it. So there's, as an entrepreneur, you'll always have work there. There's no end to it. So I was lying down and she woke up in the morning and she comes, she lies down on top of me.
She's like Baba, don't you have work to do? I was like, it's the weekend. She's like, oh. So is everybody off on the weekend? Like, generally speaking, but I choose to be off. And we talked about the three days. she's like, is everybody off for the three days on the weekend? I'm like, not everybody.
Generally, people are off, but a lot of people work. And I had to say in that thought about it, I'm like, I'm off because I value our time together. I'm off because I wanna spend time with you guys. And you could see in, in her face like, oh, that's really cool. Yeah. So that, that's something that's a value that I'm passing on, even though I have things to do, even though I have all sorts of things to do, but I'm intentionally trying to do that.
That's a value that we're passing on. We're modeling them. Yeah. And kids usually see the example around, and it's not just about the kids. And this one I wanna a little bit expand when we can go to Kelly. It's about other people that are watching you. So for example, when I was growing up, I didn't just need my parents as a role models.
I needed other kinds of role models. For example, my dad gave me this model around being gentle with people, being kind to people, and those kinds of things. But what he didn't give me was assertiveness. I needed that. I never got that from him. I needed other people in my life to do that. instead of assertiveness, I saw a lot of Aggression. I got aggression, so I saw one extreme. to the other extreme, I didn't have the middle ground until I grew up much later on. Then I started to see, Oh, you don't have to jump from being nice and kind to aggression. I was doing that because that's the model I had. So I had, I needed different kinds of male role models in my life.
And the other side of it is the female role models, and this is the power of a community. If you're around community, you get a different variation. Role models. Yeah. We also understand that kids who are exposed to their grandparents and cousins and different people in their life, get a better understanding of the world because let's face it, we're all flawed, no matter how perfect you think you are, we are. So we want you to think about it from that model point of view. Like what is, what are your kids, what are the younger people in your life, not just your kids, but it could be their cousins, it could be friends of the family, their kids.
What are the little people, the younger people, they the teenagers? What are they seeing in you and then in the people around you, do they have a variety of role models? Or do they have to seek that somewhere? Because if they don't have it, there's a human need for them to seek that. And where are they gonna go?
They're gonna go out there and connect with somebody that you don't want them to connect with. They're gonna find a role model online. They're gonna find a role model in their friends who might not be the best influences. And then later on parents complain about, well, why is my son or daughter hanging out with my friends Because they never got the need met from you.
Kelly: I mean, honestly, I think that you sharing the story, giving a tangible example is really practical, but at the end of the day, to me, like leaders leave a legacy, they leave a walking trail everywhere they go. So to me, it comes down to faith, ethics, and core values. But at the end of the day, I just think legacy is,
is the contribution. People just wanna be known and people want to know that their life has meaning. So people want to feel meaningful. I think like, you know, we've spent a lot of time leveraging and talking about purpose and through your purpose. You feel like you are making a change, you're making an impact.
I was having conversations with clients about this earlier today, it ends up giving you clarity on the things that are important to you. And a real practical way to start, it doesn't have to be like, oh, go create your whole personal legacy, but no, but take this moment. And if you're activated or interested in this conversation, use it as a moment to self-check yourself.
And a very basic question I would ask myself if I was starting this type of work is, what are five things someone is going to notice about me when I walk into the room? To me, your energy's your business card. So, people, my legacy is speaking, my energy is speaking before I even walk in. So if you wanna check yourself and if you wanna check your values, if you wanna really just convict yourself to rise up more ask some people, what are five things you notice about me? Or What are five words you would use to explain me? That'd be a good starting point to uncover. At least what you're pushing out to everyone else. And then check, if there is a disconnect between what you want it to be and what people are seeing you as, and then use that degree of separation to start making a 15% move.
I'm a huge component of like one step in front of the other because I think the legacy if it's not broken down into small pieces, would seem overwhelming. So how can we take a snippet of our passion? Okay, cool. We've done some work. We are taking the time to figure out what lights us up. Okay. Now can we take what lights us up and can we form a purpose out of it?
Cool. That's like the next move. And then when you have your purpose, what's your bigger purpose? What do you wanna be known for? What meaning do you want your life to take? Me, like I, wanna be part of collective healing. I want to go wide because I know I can only impact a certain handful of people, but I want to be the light in other people's eyes.
I wanna be a transformational leader and belief activator, and that's what I wanna be known for. So then my passion and my purpose, all the little things I do from what I talked about earlier, memory history, accomplishments, views, how I choose to operate my day, how I time block is all based around my ethics, my core values, my faith, which in turn makes me a walking legacy.
Not just me, anybody, anybody can take that and run with it if you desire to. So to me, it's a choice. It's a choice to be light and introduce that to other people and invite them into living their living legacy.
Faisal: I really, really, really love that. And I love that you broke it down into those two categories of who do I wanna show up and what are the five characteristics that I wanna show up in every time?
And then also that survey was, it was interesting for me I hired somebody to do my whole website. It was a brand consultant and brand coach, and she actually got me to do that survey. She actually, it was very uncomfortable for me to do that, so I actually send that out to all my family, friends, team member, everybody
but I remember when I was reading through it after I got it like 10, 15 or so, people just gave, answered those questions around, what do you see when you look at me? It was really cool. Like it was very heartwarming. And I'm still like, when I think back to it, it was really emotional for me.
I'm like, holy shoot. I thought I was giving, but I wasn't sure quite what kind of vibe I was giving out and how people around me perceived me. And there were some areas that were like, okay, yeah, I can work on that thing too. But then it gives us a point of reference as to how we come across because a lot of our perception is dependent on like how we perceive ourselves.
It's not based on feedback around us. and I think that feedback is incredibly important. What are people, and this is part of the value system, I have with my team, are we actually give each other feedback a lot on how we're appearing, how it's coming across, whether it's when we're delivering something or even when we're in team meetings, well, like after the meeting, some of us will message the other ones like, Hey, you know, you sounded a little bit frustrated.
Kelly: it's the job to be better. It's like a call to be better, not bitter. So, Yeah, that's good.
Faisal: And this stuff makes a huge, huge difference. But also you remind me of a couple of points of reference here, so we're not just talking about our personal perspective. There's actually data on this. So part of the, I'm a certified high-performance coach and there's a lot of data that's being accumulated right now.
We're around that. So what they're doing is, They're gathering data from the top 15% of the world's highest performers. And performers have a few categories. Are they happy in their life? Are they connected in their relationships? Are they fulfilled? Are they successful in terms of their business or work?
Are they living in a growth model or improving every day? Or they, and one of the things that, the interesting surveys that came back and Brendan Burchard showed that to us. And he actually had to kind of do a self-check and it was at an event. And he's like, one of the things that they keep, those top 15% of the world they keep talking about is that they have a role model mindset.
They ask themselves every day, how can I be a better role model? And he's like when I got the result back, I had to kind of check and he's like, I don't do that every day. Wow. Yeah. And, just even asking yourself a question like, how can I be a better role model for a specific person in my life, such as my kids or my nephew or my friends or whoever.
That can shift how you show up because as human beings, we wanna show up better for others. Yeah. We're a social species. We wanna, and that, so there's a lot of data around this that's coming around where it actually makes a difference and that gives us a sense of purpose as well. And it helps us amplify our passion in a lot of ways because we want to use our passions in a way to serve others so it's not in a vacuum.
Sometimes it'll happen because we have that intention sometimes, or even if we don't have that intention, it'll show up in terms of service because we care so much about that part and it inspires others around this. And sometimes, cuz a lot of times we think of kind of purpose in relation to giving in terms of, oh, I have to consciously do something.
But a lot of times it's just the way you are. Like Kelly was saying. It's just the way you are that can inspire others to be and they can be inspired and you might not even notice it. People are watching you in ways that you're not noticing. A lot of times I'll hear. Somebody will reach out to me after months and they've been following me for months.
Yeah. And like, you know, that really helped me. And I haven't coached this person, I haven't talked to this person. They just watched a couple of my videos and something like, you know, really helped me inspire and I got into this motion and I did this thing, and I completely changed my life around.
I'm like, oh. So it's not just with the work that I'm actively doing.
Kelly: I call 'em secret stalkers, I think everybody has 'em. You have people. If we all just assumed. Imagine whatever your numbers are doesn't matter. But what if you just assumed or just knew that everybody that was on your IG or your Facebook was there to do business with you?
Like, how would you be a role model in that situation if someone said something else that was so powerful, like around social media? And playing into legacy and values and everything. And they said if all platforms were paid to play because it's making you rise higher when you're thinking about taking it seriously like people are watching and listening.
So if you had to pay for that post, is what you're putting out there something that is worth paying for if you had to pay a dollar, $10 every time you went on, you know what I mean? It makes you think. On a higher level of the value and the content you're producing if you show up thinking from a role model standpoint
Makes a difference. And for those who are business owners, part of the reason why we charge is that it actually makes people more intentional about the thing. Cuz I've taken people, and this became very clear to me cuz if there was a time when I was not charging people and charging people and
There were some people that were going through the same exact process and the same person is showing up. I was showing up to coach. One person is getting another level of growth, and the difference in terms of growth was huge. The other person, I was doubting myself a lot of times as a coach. I'm like, am I actually serving this person? But what I didn't realize was that this person does not have enough of a buy-in.
And there are different ways to create buy-in, but money is a big factor. People's psychology is very intertwined with money. Whether they say that they like money or not, it's intertwined.
We live in a world of money.
Kelly: well, you'd have to pay to play. I think that means their skin in the game because I've done the same things and sometimes I'll do different scenarios with situations. If I have a new program coming out, I'll do like one sponsored. See, then everybody else is basically paid.
And I find that if you have some skin in the game, it's also a flex trust because if you are investing in yourself, then you're trusting you're gonna do the work. And I find a lot of people don't choose to invest in themselves because now they're on the line and accountable to make it happen. Cuz their money, their skin is in the game.
So I think like when it comes to. Exactly what you just said. I think there's an investment piece that goes into it to actually get a greater degree of growth because otherwise you just enter it kind of willy-nilly like as free, I'll take what I can get versus I just spent 10 K on this. I'm gonna make sure I show up and I do every single thing so that I can grow and activate.
There's a difference.
Faisal: Yeah, there's a huge difference around that. And that's part of the reason even like for me personally, I invest in a lot of things around growth. Like just in the past year, I think I've invested a hundred thousand dollars in my business and my growth, and I could have invested that in a lot of other places like real estate and other things.
And I see the value in those, but then I know that there's something around my business skillsets and my own personal growth has an exponential effect rather than getting predictable. And I still wanna invest more in real estate in all these other areas. But One thing I've seen over and over with my clients is that personal skillset business, these things are exponential growths.
There is no upper limit to these things, but then there are other types of investments. They are up and they're, it's more predictable. So our tendencies to go towards them initially, but it doesn't give the kind of ROI that we seek internally. But I wanna bring it back. This whole thing around legacy, bring it back to the day-to-day life like, like Kelly did, because a lot of times, Going back to that formula around like when we're really thinking about what are we leaving behind, not just in terms of money, and that could be part of it, so we're not putting down money.
Because there's a certain level of resources that we need to be able to feel safe enough to do certain things, such as a comfortable home, food, water, and education. These things will allow you to, grow in a safer environment and there could still be challenges there.
So that's good that you're developing that for your kids, for your family, and other things. But what we're trying to say is, what are you passing down in terms of your values? Your role model and even family recipes. So for example, I come from a culture where certain food recipes were passed on and I never realized that until I was exposed to people who didn't have that.
And for me, I took that for granted. But then when I talked to a few people who never got that passed on to them, it was actually fairly difficult for them to cook, for example, something as simple as cooking. And you can say that, well, no, I'm gonna have enough money for somebody to, or, but it's more than that because it's a human thing.
Yeah. So just the preparation of food, that's why we say like break bread together is part of a huge religious tradition, not just in the Western world, but all over the world. Why do we sit down and why do we enjoy camping? Why do we enjoy picnics? Why do we enjoy these experiences? Because there's the preparation factor and instead deeply ingrained into us as human beings.
So passing those things on can have a powerful effect on what gets passed on to the next, and it develops certain all sorts of things that we're beginning to understand. We don't actually fully understand this part, but I'm curious, what were you thinking about that when you thought about recipes?
Kelly: Well, I guess recipes specifically. I was just thinking of, I have my mother-in-law's black recipe book, which she passed down. I mean, she's an amazing Cook. Literally, everything tastes so good. I could follow a recipe and I even practice and try to put love in it, and it doesn't hit the same. I grew up with, My mom, it wasn't a lot of homemade, it was like scratch macaroni and cheese was one of my favorite meals. you know what I mean? So now you can see how that legacy showed up for me. Like my husband's our chef, he's our cook. Because it just, I never got on board and as much as I tried to love it and I'm trying to lean into it.
But the beautiful thing is then my mother-in-law and then my husband, my daughter has that piece now she cooks and she's activated it straight up. Skipped me. So I'm trying to have my legacy be in different ways with the kiddos, but I think that's why it's important for the people around you, cuz each person contributes a different level of legacy.
My kids are gonna be confident. They're gonna be conscious, they're gonna know how to manage their emotion. That's not anything I grew up learning. And it actually makes me think of a lot of my clients and what we release, reset, and rewire is a lot of the deconditioning from some of these things that have gone down over the years.
So it's really interesting. I love the psychology piece of all this. I love getting in people's minds when it comes to this. So I think like if you can take just a, a greater interest in the day-to-day and just check yourself even for 24 hours. What's the language? What are you speaking about? I mean, we're having a conversation.
We keep bringing it back to kids at times because we both have younger children at home, but it's like, it's your teammates, it's your clients, it's your business partners. You are actually contributing to all of them as well. So I think it, I think I love the five people that you spend time with. I'm a huge believer in that because I think that they're pouring in, so I think of the people that are around my children and they have different gifts.
That is being activated within them that I don't bring to the table. So I think to be open, get excited about what you're passing down, and don't use this to feel bad. Use it as a self-check to feel better if you're not doing the things that you want to do, that you want to pass down. You can change. It's a choice.
Literally, you can draw a line in the sand. You can make a choice today. You know what? I'm gonna make a conscious effort to sit down at the dinner table two nights a week because I want them to value X. So, you know what? Whatever it is, that's what I wanna invite you into is life is a choice. These things are a choice if you're not living your passion, you have a choice to respond differently.
If you're not operating from a place of purpose, you have a choice to activate purpose, and you have a choice to activate legacy beyond the money. It comes down to personal choice.
Faisal: Yeah. And I'm, I'm hearing objections as well as you're speaking. It is a choice. And this is actually one of the hardest things to teach people because when you're going through your experience of reacting to things.
it doesn't feel like a choice. It feels like, oh well I reacted cuz I got angry. I reacted because this thing happened to me. I reacted because the government did this. I reacted because my family member did this. All that is true, it happens to all of us. It has happened to me and still happens to me at times.
It becomes a choice when you become aware.
Kelly: Yes. Cause ding, ding, ding—Mic drop. We don't have a mic right now, but Exactly. Awareness is key. You can't fix what you can't see, so hopefully, Faisal and I are allowing you to see something coming in from a different angle that it hits. And then it always, because now you're aware and you can do better when you know better.
Faisal: Yes. And that awareness is actually connected to it. And this is a part that Dr. Bruce Lipton talked about this. I loved his take. He had a theory around, a hypothesis around it. Is that the conscious part of our brain, the prefrontal frontal cortex might be, we know that it's a newer part of our brain relative to the rest and relative to the hindbrain, the tone side because that's more the reactionary, the fear response type of thing.
But then the conscious part of our brain as far as we understand brain and mind connection, we don't actually fully get that. But he was talking about the brain itself. He’s a biologist. He's like, we're learning to make sense of and develop that part of our brain. It's not fully developed.
So as a species, we're very young, we're new to this whole thing. And I'm paraphrasing him. I love that idea because understand that as a species, we're evolving. We're learning to show up more with the conscious part of our brain. Just a couple of generations ago, human beings were highly reactive.
Think about the wars, think about the challenges. We still have wars and challenges, but they're near not nearly as bad as in the past as much as it looks like it in the news. If you study history, you'll find out that human history is a very bloody history. In fact, I recommended a book to one of my clients.
He, he read, it's called Sapiens. If you read the first part of that book is by Dr. Noah Harari. The first half of the book is hard, cuz he was looking for more positivity and It's so negative, but it's the reality of what actually happened. He couldn't read through it, but like, just get past that. He gets to the positive in a little bit. He couldn't get past it cause we've done a lot of things because we're still learning. We're still growing as a species. Now that same thing applies to you. Like we're learning to take charge of our mind, our brain, whatever that connection. I won't go into the distinctions, but we're learning to understand our minds.
We're learning to train it a little bit differently. And the choice comes in when we consciously think about this. In fact, religion is one of the parts of that evolutionary process that allowed us to make more conscious choices. Parts of it got corrupted, but it allowed us to look at things from a conscious perspective versus a reactive one.
That's why we have a lot of conscious declarations in religion. Don't steal, don't kill, don't like, we know this intuitively, but we're declaring it. We're saying that these things, we understand that it has a negative consequence. But I wanted to bring it back to the day-to-day cuz I want to hit this point home.
Because a lot of people might be listening to this as like, well, no, I'm failing every day in a lot of these areas. I'm not passing on the values, that I want to. At times I am. A lot of times I'm not. That's the same problem I have had in my life. So we're not sitting here saying, well, no, we have mastered this area of our life, our mind our consciousness.
If we did, we wouldn't be sitting here talking to you. We would've been up on the ledge somewhere. We would've been in Nirvana somewhere. But we are struggling and battling through the same exact thing. And the whole process that struggle leads to progress. In fact, the two themes in human development are struggle and progress.
You can't have one without the other. So the day-to-day battle that you have within your life when it comes to your thoughts, your emotions, you connecting with the people around you, that is the process of growth. That is the process of evolution. What we're encouraging you to do is to really become intentional.
You'll find out that you actually have a lot of choices there. And those moment-to-moment choices, a lot of people think that it is in those big moments where I break integrity with who I am. Deep down, sometimes we do, but a lot of the breaking integrity is in those small little moments when we wanna show up in a kinder way, but we don't, and we don't even learn from it afterward.
We wanna take action toward what matters to us, but we don't. And we'd repeat that day after day and can go on for weeks and months, and I've done that too, in the process, it can go on for years. And this is where it erodes who we are inside. And then we can't come to a point where we can't be ourselves.
So paying attention to little things, asking yourself every day, am I showing up as that role model? If people were to put my behavior as an example on the news, on the positive news, not the negative news, would I be proud of that? If my kids were watching me all the time would I be proud of the actions that I have?
And these make a huge difference. But even more importantly, I'll give you one other story. So I was talking to one of my family members and he's fairly well off. He built a good life and he was talking about his teenagers. And he was saying, you know, I really want them to follow their passion and to go towards what matters to them because he has a lot of regrets in his life.
But here was the interesting thing I had to ask him, I didn't want him to become a coaching session. I had to ask him one thing cuz when he kept talking about his business, cuz he was leaving a business, he was going into another business. I'm like, so what are you doing now? He's like, well, no, I'm just gonna go into this business.
And I knew that he had a. I'm like, what about that thing that you've always wanted to do? it's like, could you do that? He's, yeah, I could, but I need to figure out how to turn that thing into a business. And then I'm like, you just said that you want your kids to go towards their passion, so where are they getting the example from?
Because, to me, it sounds like do as I say, not as I do. Huge disconnect, right? Yeah. Their kids are gonna follow what he does, not what he says.
Kelly: But I'm solid because my kids see me loving life and working I'll give my husband a hard time. He might not love his dad as much, but like, yeah.
That is something I'll pass on like the joy for life and not finding joy on the weekend, but finding joy in the day-to-day in the moments and the love. And you said two things that I wanna do. I'm a huge component of reframing anything that feels heavy, heavy feelings, going to heavy actions, light feelings, light actions.
And when you said, when we invited people to explore what's not working. Okay. That's a heavy feeling. I wouldn't be in alignment if and didn't share with you how to make it lighter now. For everything that you wrote down on your list that you wanna change, that you're doing wrong, I want you to neutralize that because that gives you a kind of pain response in the body.
It's like, ugh. Now I want you to then write next to it, write something that you are doing very well because then that's a dopamine hit and we get to neutralize that. And when you integrate pain and pleasure, Alchemy happens and then that's where the growth happens. So I want you to take a moment and write down things that are going well.
This is like any of my clients that are high achievers, they have to-do lists all the time and sticky notes. We're constantly making to-do lists that show the gaps in what we didn't get done. And I wanna, so then a reframe is start writing all the things you accomplished during the day. That feels better because, A lot of us, if you're, if you're watching this, you're probably drawn to us because you are a high achiever.
Like honestly, let's call it what it is. There's some level of conversation that we're having that you have to have an interest in this to perk up. And the other thing that I wanted to share is when I said you can draw a line of sand, and have a free start to move forward, you also can't keep revisiting the old, so you, if you can't revise it, don't keep revisiting it.
Draw a line in the sand. Figure out what's not working, figure out what's going well, and then make a plan to move forward. So I'm gonna close up my piece with this quote, I'm gonna try to whip out and try to remember exactly around legacy. Okay?
It's like working for a cause, not applause. Live life to express, not to impress. Don't strive to make your presence noticed. Just make your absence felt. And then feel the legacy, not just money.
So that should equip you into stepping into values. I want you to make a ton of money. I actually want you to live, and leave your family with a ton of money.
But I want them to know that that's secondary to the values that you're leaving with them. Because at the end of the day, if you have money and you have nothing else, what's the point of having all the money? Cuz money just accentuates who you already are. That's my personal opinion. So if you wanna do good.
And you wanna pass on good, do good beyond the money, and then the money's a bonus.
Faisal: Yeah. Yeah. I completely agree with that. And, in relation to this, thank you for clarifying that part. Like there are a lot of things we're sharing because we've gone through experiences, we've taken people through experiences.
A lot of times they'll feel. We're saying one thing and then we're contradicting it in the next moment because there are different levels of all these things. There are times, for example, when I want my clients to feel their, negative, the heavy feelings. Because they haven't faced it. I want them to sit through it.
I want them to process it. I want them to feel it. I want them to face it, but there are times when I want them to reframe it. Cuz you can't sit with that forever. Right? That's what Kelly is sharing is that there is a time of processing. There's also a time of reframing also a technical point in our mind.
Our mind tends to, or more specifically, our brain tends to remember negative things more easily than positive things. So negative things are more easily remembered than positive things because it just helps, protect us. That's just how our brain has evolved. So you are doing a lot of positive things in your life.
You just don't remember it. That's why Kelly was getting you to write, okay, here are the things that I have done. We look to the future for what we haven't achieved, but a lot of times we can look to the path for what we have achieved and then use that as fuel to do more that feels aligned with us.
As a rule of thumb, whenever you're thinking about one negative thing, you need to think about five positive things. Cause that's the balance even in relationships. So when you have data in a relationship as well. If we're saying one negative thing, we need to bounce that off by one positive thing, but about five other positive things.
Kelly: I know. Oh my gosh. My husband will be like, say one thing that I said, like, oh, you didn't get the trash out. He's focused on that when I've said 27 other things, and we actually have had that exact conversation, some people, how they're wired even, you gotta double down. So since he's conditioned, I'm saying he's conditioned to maybe not see the glass as full, but see it as half empty, I gotta have 20 compliments to take away that one negative.
Faisal: Yeah. Yeah. and that's gonna show up in a lot of relationships. So it'll show up with your business partners, it'll show up with your life partner, it'll show up with your kids.
Part of it is how we're conditioned, like Kelly talking. Part of it is just how we're learning and growing and what maybe we can leave with. And I love that quote that you gave to really be intentional about how you're showing up in your moment-to-moment, day-to-day choices, and really recognize that it is a choice.
Even though you might be reacting at that moment, and really, like Kelly has talked about this before, write your manifesto. Think about your vision. Think about what matters to you, because ultimately we look for an ideal ROI. And when we follow the things that matter to us, we're naturally passing on, we're naturally modeling that thing for the people around us.
And that's not an easy process. It's a growth process, and that's what we wanna pass on to you. And we will continue to serve you and we'll announce some things in the next couple of weeks. With you guys, share with us what was your greatest insight in our conversation today, and what's your commitment moving forward regarding your passion, purpose, and legacy?
What are you committing to do? Because if this does not translate to actions, this did not mean anything. So I hope you got something out of it. Kelly, do you have any last thoughts before we end this conversation?
Kelly: Exactly what you just said. Share, because that helps us plan, prepare, and kind of even get laser-focused on the parts of it that are standing out.
Those are your gold nuggets. Those are the aha moments, and we can take that awareness now. And then second to that is give you steps. Actually, coach you through it, walk you through it, and help you get to the other side of it. I think this was amazing. So much fun. So good just to do life and business and for you and me to kind of go into this powerful conversation and I just hope that to me, love and money are so tightly connected that love and money and how you operate in those two things is going to equate to your legacy.
You leave behind. So I wanna call you to rise up. Rise up people in the most powerful exciting way.
Faisal: Please share, your thoughts with us and make sure you share this video with anybody and your colleague, your friends, family, anybody you think is gonna get value from this, and reach out to us. Let us know what your thoughts are personally as well.
We'd love to connect with you and we will continue to serve. So watch out for the notifications and announcements coming up soon. Hope you have an incredible week. Bye.
Stay connected with news and updates!
Join our mailing list to receive the latest news and updates from our team.
Don't worry, your information will not be shared.
We hate SPAM. We will never sell your information, for any reason.