How Comparison Almost Stole My Joy - and What I Learned from It

It’s been said that “comparison is the thief of joy,” and I’ve found this to be true in both my personal and professional life. Over the years, I’ve had the privilege of working with countless individuals—many of whom seem to have it all: successful careers, beautiful families, and financial security. Yet, behind closed doors, I’ve also seen the struggles, the pain, and the deep-seated dissatisfaction that often lurks beneath the surface.

Today, I want to share some personal insights and stories about how comparison has impacted my life and the lives of those I work with, and how I’ve learned to break free from its grip. My hope is that you’ll find a bit of your own story in mine and be inspired to reclaim your joy and live a life that’s truly yours.

The Unseen Side of Success:

Let me start by telling you about something that profoundly shaped my perspective. Over the past decade, I’ve worked with hundreds of people—most of whom are highly successful by society’s standards. They have thriving businesses, beautiful homes, and they seem to have life all figured out. But what I’ve learned from being deeply involved in their lives is that success, as we often define it, can be a double-edged sword.

I remember one client in particular—a person who had reached the pinnacle of business success. To the outside world, he was a powerhouse, someone to admire and emulate. But in our one-on-one sessions, a very different story was shared. He was struggling with a failing marriage, his children were distant, and he was battling chronic health issues that no amount of money could fix. He told me, “Faisal, I would give every dollar I have just to have my family back, just to be healthy again.” That hit me hard. It was a stark reminder that what we see on the surface is only part of the story.

My Own Battle with Comparison:

I’d be lying if I said I haven’t struggled with comparison myself. Even as a high-performance coach, I’m not immune to it. There have been times when I’ve looked at other coaches and thought, “Why am I not where they are? Why is their business growing faster than mine?” It’s easy to get caught up in that mindset, especially in a world where everyone is putting their best foot forward, showcasing their successes on social media, and making it seem like they have no problems at all.

But here’s what I’ve learned: whenever I start to compare, I remind myself of the stories I’ve heard, the struggles I’ve witnessed, and the fact that everyone, no matter how successful they appear, has their own battles. I’ve realized that I wouldn’t trade my life for anyone else’s—not because my life is perfect, but because it’s mine. I’ve designed it in a way that aligns with who I am, and that’s something I wouldn’t give up for anything.

The Trap of Following Someone Else’s Path:

Comparison doesn’t just steal your joy—it can also lead you down a path that isn’t yours. I’ve seen this happen with so many people. They start by following a traditional route: get a good job, work hard, buy a house, and build a family. But somewhere along the way, they lose sight of what truly matters to them. They pursue goals that society has set for them, not goals that resonate with their own values and desires.

I’ve worked with clients who, after decades of chasing these externally imposed goals, have found themselves feeling empty and unfulfilled. They look around and realize that the life they’ve built doesn’t make them happy. They’ve spent years working towards something that, in the end, doesn’t mean much to them. That’s a painful realization, and it’s one that I’ve made it my mission to help others avoid.

Designing a Life That’s Truly Yours:

So, how do you break free from comparison and start living a life that’s truly yours? It begins with getting clear on your vision. Not someone else’s vision for your life, but your own. This isn’t just about setting goals—it’s about digging deep into what you truly want, what aligns with your values, and what brings you joy.

In my coaching practice, I work with clients to help them uncover their own path. We explore not just what they want to achieve, but who they want to become, how they want to contribute to the world, and why it matters to them. It’s about creating a vision that feels right in every cell of your being—a vision that, when you think about it, fills you with a sense of purpose and excitement.

A Personal Invitation:

If you’ve ever found yourself caught in the comparison trap, if you’ve ever questioned whether the life you’re living is really yours, I want to invite you to join me for a free workshop I’m hosting on August 22nd. This is a chance to dive deep into what’s holding you back and to start creating a life that feels authentically yours.

This workshop isn’t just about setting goals—it’s about helping you connect with what truly matters to you, so you can move forward with clarity and confidence. Whether you’re in your 30s, 40s, 50s, or beyond, it’s never too late to design a life that’s aligned with your true self.

Listen...life is short, and the years pass by quickly. Don’t let comparison steal your joy or lead you down a path that isn’t yours. Take the time to figure out what truly matters to you, and start living in a way that reflects that. You deserve a life that’s uniquely yours—one that brings you fulfillment, peace, and true happiness.

I look forward to seeing you at the workshop. Until then, take a moment to reflect on your own life. Are you living in alignment with your true self? If not, what’s one step you can take today to start moving in that direction?

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Ready to take the first step towards a more fulfilling life? Join me on August 22nd for a free workshop where we’ll explore how to align your goals with your true vision. Reserve your spot now!

TRANSCRIPTION

Hello, hello, hello. It's been a while since I did a live directly from my office here. I'm usually walking outside and doing this and, um, at least the past few times I ran into so many challenges here. So my topic today is, uh, compare, and you might've heard this so many times, it's in a lot of philosophies, it's in religious books.

And it's, it's a statement that people who have kind of experienced life to some degree, they have shared and that is comparison is the thief of joy. And for many of us, that's true, because a lot of times when we're comparing ourselves to others, it takes a lot away from us. And you don't know it, whether you're comparing yourself to your neighbor.

to your family members, to your colleagues, to other businesses. And, and you can even be inspired by them, but you still might react negatively to this. Um, and, and I want to share the couple of problems around this. Like it's a good statement to say, and say that, Oh, don't compare yourself to others. But here's the problem.

The first problem you're going to run into is that we're hardwired to compare ourselves to other people. How and why? Well, the first reason is that we're a social species. Our mind naturally compares ourselves to other people for a couple of reasons, but the main reason is actually survival, is that the way we kind of make sense of our, who we are and what we do and how we, uh, how we stand up to the social setting is by the mind compares us to other people around us.

How am I doing? What am I falling behind on? What, and there's competition that comes into that process. This is a natural hardwired thing into our DNA. I don't think that can be changed. And anybody who says that can be changed is, uh, is lying to you. But here's what you can do. Here's the power that you have as human beings.

We have a conscious part to us. We're not all of our animalistic drives or, uh, we need to act on or have to act on. This is why when you look at human beings, um, We can do a lot of incredible things. We can put a pause on short term payoff for long term gain.

For example, we can fast. There are a lot of religions that have fasting in them. We can sustain pain in martial arts and all sorts of practices. We can change our perception of pain. We can put a pause on getting the reward short term so we can get a bigger reward later. But that, that requires a lot of discipline and work on your mind.

Our nature is to compare, but what's the next level? And here's another reason. And I want to give you the conscious reason and then what would be the practice for you to, to understand how you can control this better or you can train your mind. To not react to that biological instinct that we have to compare ourselves to others that take our joy away.

Um, here's what happens. Um, so one of the things that I'm, I'm really privileged and blessed to have, um, and in the meantime, it's a big responsibility and it can take a heavy toll on me at times is, uh, I've spent the past decades hearing all sorts of things from hundreds of thousands of people that I've worked with.

hundreds on a one on one, uh, uh, and a one on one level. But when you add the group to it, it's thousands of people that I've worked with over the course of the past decade as a coach. Um, I'm a high performance, certified high performance coach. I'm a business coach and I'm trained in all sorts of different modalities around emotions, relationships, and everything else.

So, uh, and I help people at an individual level, family level, team level, organizational level, a lot of times. Um, and. I get to hear all sorts of stories and, and hear, and, and that's one of the reasons, uh, that has helped me to be super grateful for my life. And when, when my mind tries to compare my, I go back to what I know directly when I've heard stories of people's lives. And here's the other thing. Most of the people that I work with are fairly well off. They're fairly successful or seemingly successful on the outside. They're trying to go to the next level. They're not people who are, uh, generally speaking, poor or struggling or you wouldn't put them in that category yet, at least on the surface level.

But here's what I hear consistently. I consistently hear stories of complete disconnection within people's families. I hear stories of people being, uh, completely disconnected from themselves, being truly unhappy a lot of times, feeling restless, feeling not at peace, feeling angry, feeling frustrated, feeling fearful.

All those emotions are normal, but they are chronically affected by those things. In short term, they can be very normal and even necessary at times. But a lot of these people are chronically affected by this. Many of them are very well off. And if you were this person's neighbor or a friend or even a family, you wouldn't know what the hell is going on in their life.

And the only reason I am privy to this information because as a coach, um, they're confident I get to go very deep and that's the only way I get to help them. Now, I don't have any judgments around that, but on the surface, whenever you see people, they bring their best foot forward. They will, uh, most people will not come in and say, I'm struggling with this, that, and the other.

And, and that's one of the reasons why I've tried to be open with my clients and those that I work with and at times with my posts here, is that we all struggle as human beings. I have challenges in my, with my own thoughts and emotions. I have challenges in my relationships. I challenges in, in running my business.

I'm growing, doing all sorts of things. Just because I have a good life doesn't mean I don't have challenges. There are both sides to it. And so whenever my mind tries to compare. To other people because I have my mind has so much data around people's lives. It doesn't affect me that much. In fact, it pushes me more towards gratitude because I would rather not have a higher level of business success.

For example, I've worked with people who have had such a high level of business success, but then they have broken marriages. They have kids who are sick. They have health problems, things that they cannot change, and they would give. every dollar they have to have any of those things, and they try to, but there's no way to work around that.

And they're filled with regret. And when I hear that, I'm like, So what if I'm struggling in business at times? So what if I'm not growing fast enough? I can figure that out. I'm healthy. My family's healthy. We're good. And, and, and the other side of it is sometimes people are struck by these illnesses by things that are completely outside of their control.

And I look at them like, holy shit, my family's healthy. I need to be super grateful about that. And it's not even I have to be as like, I really see how important it is to be grateful in the moment because anything can change. Your health can dramatically change in a day. Your something could happen to a loved one.

Your business can crash. Within a few hours, if you're in their multibillion dollar businesses that have crashed within a few hours, you might have heard of banks that have gone bankrupt with billions of dollars, and that can happen. There are governments that get toppled. I come from a place where the government was completely toppled and people who were generals and investors and business owners and high position.

Professionals who completely lost everything. They put their clothes on and they just had their clothes on and took their family if they were lucky and had to flee the country they were born in. They were from there. And so that regime changed within a few months or years and it caught them by surprise.

So that data really helps me understand to be grateful, super grateful for what I have. And I, and I take the time to consciously remind myself of that as well. And now I know that you might not have access to that information by take my word for it, at least at this point. And you can, you can inquire a little bit more as you get closer to people.

When you have the privilege, you will under to know people a little bit deeper. And some people, maybe you do some close friends to you. You'll see that almost everybody's struggling with something. And if you know enough about their life, you will say that, you know what, my problems are enough for me to handle.

I don't need more problems. Because everybody's life, their success, their happiness, their good times, they come with the other side of it. This is why we have this concept of yin and yang. It comes with a contrast. Every progress comes with a challenge. Every good comes with a bad. That's just the nature of the world and universe we live in.

That's just, those are foundational principles of our life. And I've often said that I love my life. And I'm super grateful for my life, but I can also see somebody replacing me and having my life and hating my life. My life is for me and I've designed it for me. That's the first problem, just reminding yourself consistently that you don't know most of the things about people's life and what you see on the surface, especially in the world of social media is not real.

It's just their best foot forward in the background. There's a lot that you don't know about it, but the downsides of their life when they're sitting with themselves how much pain they're enduring when they've lost a loved one when their heart has been broken when they've Lost financially in a difficult position.

You don't know anything about that stuff When they're processing grief from their past that they don't know how to move through So much is happening when they, uh, they get a sudden family member who is going through a difficult period in terms of their health and they don't, and they feel like they have no control over anything.

If you knew any of those things, you'd be like, you know what? I'm good with my life. I don't need their success. I need to create my version of my life. And here's where the second problem comes in. Most of us have no idea what our life is about, what we want, and we've based most of our life around well, and we don't realize that it's subconscious.

We've based most of our life around what generally works and here's what our mind does. It scans our environment and looks for. Oh, this, this person looks like he has his stuff put together. This, this group of people look like they have their stuff put together. This professional looks like they have their stuff put together.

This family looks like they have their shit put together. And we will subconsciously copy the next person. And we'll dedicate our whole life towards a goal that was never ours. Or it will be a mix of we were taught that this thing is going to make you happy. This thing is going to make you fulfilled.

And generally the way it goes for many entrepreneurs and investors know this, this cliche of, Hey, go, go to, go to school, get a successful job, get promotions, get married, get the next big house and get the white picket fence. And when you get there and you're going to be great. And a lot of people have gotten there at their first In their forties, fifties, thirties.

And in the words of Alan Watts, uh, they look back in their life and first they're like, yes, I'm there. But then in the, at the same time, they get this weird sense of disappointment and they look back as, this is it, this is what I worked for decades of my life. I thought there would be more and the easy thing for them to do is they're going to look back and blame a bunch of people.

They will blame their family, their society, their religion, their country, uh, all sorts of things, but they won't take ownership that I never really thought about what matter truly mattered to me. And this is where I do a lot of work around your vision, what truly feels aligned with you and your core and your heart and your soul.

And the only way you can, you can understand that is if you explore that deeply. Most people don't. They don't realize that all the hard goals that they're working towards, uh, they will, those goals will mean nothing in about 10 years. Or in about five years. In fact, I work with enough people who have gone through a decade long of hard work and, and, and sweat and, and grind and all sorts of stuff in the process, sacrificing so many things that matter to them.

And they get there and they'll be like, holy shit, I regret so many things. Had I known this, I would not have dedicated so much of my time to this thing that didn't matter to me.

So, your choice is to figure out what your path feel, that feels aligned with you, what your vision is, not somebody else's vision for your life. Usually, if you don't pick it, you've, you've, by, by, by default, you're picking your society, your culture. Other people's vision for your life, and you're going to turn them into goals and work hard towards it.

And about 10 years from now on, you're going to regret the path you went on. And this is why I do a lot of work with people to help them figure out their vision. And your vision comprises of a lot of things. It has a lot of things in them. It has the life that you want to create. And we check in with your system, with your emotions, with your body.

Is that, does that feel aligned with you? Your vision includes the higher version of you, an ideal version of you that you're becoming. It's not just about the things that you're going to have and create, but the person that you're becoming. It also includes how you're going to contribute in your family, in your community, and in the world at large.

It also includes why this is truly, deeply important to you. If every cell in your body, your soul, your whole being doesn't align towards there, then you don't know what the hell your vision is. You're, and you're, I guarantee you are following goals that don't matter to you at all. And I know this because I've done this so many times.

And I know this because I've worked with hundreds of people who have done this. And I don't know why you're listening to this and what got you to click on this or where you came from. But I do know that there are reasons for what comes in front of our face. And I don't think those are random. And if you're open to taking the next step towards that potential, towards figuring out what truly matters to you, then this is your chance.

I'm going to put the link below for a free workshop that I'm doing. It's a three hour live workshop. I'm not charging you for this. Um, there will be a chance to work with me further if you wanted to at the end of it, but you don't have to. It will be three hour workshop that will help you dive into what's holding you back from what matters to you.

And what is it that what that you were trying to create and how can you be 100 percent sure that that's your path and not something else? And we're gonna work through that. I'm gonna walk you through a framework. I'm not gonna tell you to be something or do something, but I'm gonna walk you through and we're gonna pull the answers out of your own being your own soul.

Um, and by the end of the session, you're gonna know exactly At least the next step towards what is it that you want and you can refine it on your own as you move forward. You don't even have to work with me after that, but this will be an opening for you. Listen, your life is short. Uh, you might be in your forties, thirties, forties, fifties, maybe even sixties.

You only have a few decades left. You've already spent about a quarter or half of your life, um, doing the things that matter to other people or having a lot of regrets. There's a reason why you're listening to this. There's a reason why you felt connected to what I said. This is the time to take charge.

The next few decades are going to fly just like the last few decades have flown by. It will feel like a blink of an eye. And this is a moment for you to decide whether or not you're going to dive deep, or you're just going to keep doing the shallow things that you've been doing. You're going to go back into the grind, go through the motions and just create whatever you were creating before.

And I'll leave that choice up to you. But I know this. Over the past decade of creating the life that mattered to me, I've realized that the only way towards that is to have a vision for that life. And that starts with a workshop that I'm doing next week. So join me on Thursday, uh, on August 22nd at nine a.

m. Eastern, um, block out that time. Give yourself this gift. It's not just for yourself. It's for those that you serve as well, for your family, for your colleagues, for your team, for your friends who need to know what you're about. Not what you pretend to be, not the mask that shows up, but who you are deep down.

And that is a hard thing to show up with, because our mind goes to comparison, as I talked about it in the beginning. And yes, it is, um, it is the thief of joy, but you need to train your mind to work differently. And this is the next step for that. I'm excited to see you next week. Until then, hope you have an incredible day.