Hello, amazing investors!

It is a common misconception by many multi-family investors that problems in their personal relationship won't impact their success as an investor. Moreover, they even tend to think that they will FIX their relationship issues once they achieve success as an investor. That somehow, it will magically solve all the problems. This couldn't be farther from the truth. This is why today I am sharing with you red flags that I see hold many investors back from experiencing the big breathrough they are seeking. Watch the video training above, or read this post. If anything sounds close to home for you I encourage you to reach out to me for a free confidential coaching call.

The Silent Red Flag: Emotional Disconnection

One of the most common red flags in a marriage, especially for busy investors, is emotional disconnection. Often, couples pride themselves on being together for a decade or more, yet many of these long-term relationships are plagued by a lack of genuine connection. This disconnection often manifests as couples living separate lives under the same roof, effectively becoming roommates rather than partners.

The Absence of Conflict: A Hidden Danger

While it might seem counterintuitive, the absence of conflict can be a significant red flag. Healthy marriages often involve disagreements and arguments, which are natural and necessary for growth and intimacy. When couples stop fighting, it can indicate that they've given up on each other emotionally. They've settled into a routine devoid of passion and intensity, leading to a lack of both physical and emotional intimacy.

Avoidance of Important Conversations

Many couples avoid discussing critical issues—such as finances, personal values, or future goals—out of fear of conflict. This avoidance leads to superficial interactions and prevents the relationship from deepening. If you find that you and your spouse are steering clear of essential conversations, it's a sign that your relationship might need professional help.

Living Separate Lives

Another red flag is when couples start living parallel lives. With the demands of investing, running businesses, and raising children, it's easy to fall into a pattern where you and your spouse are more like co-managers of a household than romantic partners. While it's natural for the focus to shift towards children and careers at times, it's crucial to maintain a connection with your spouse beyond these roles.

The Importance of Quality Time

Research shows that successful marriages involve couples connecting with each other regularly. This doesn't just mean passing interactions during the day but dedicated, focused time together. Dr. John M. Gottman, a renowned marriage researcher, emphasizes the importance of maintaining the dating phase in your marriage. Couples who spend at least one focused hour per week together—without distractions like phones, work, or children—tend to have stronger, more intimate relationships.

Seeking Help and Support

If any of these red flags sound familiar, it's crucial to take action. Ignoring these issues can lead to long-term dissatisfaction and, eventually, divorce. Marriage requires maintenance, just like your body or your business. If you're feeling stuck and unsure of how to improve your relationship, seeking professional help can make a significant difference.

Join Our Upcoming Relationship Mastery Workshop

To support you in nurturing both your personal and professional lives, I invite you to join our upcoming Relationship Mastery Workshop on July 11th at 9 AM EST. This workshop will provide valuable insights and strategies to help you and your partner reconnect and strengthen your relationship.

Schedule a Free Consultation

If you prefer a more personalized approach, I offer free consultation calls. During these sessions, we can discuss your specific situation and explore ways to enhance your marriage while pursuing your investment goals.

Maintaining a healthy marriage is critical to achieving overall success and happiness. Don't let these red flags go unnoticed. Take action today to ensure that your personal relationships support and enhance your professional endeavors.

To schedule your free consultation or register for the Relationship Mastery Workshop, please reach out to me directly. Together, we can work towards creating the fulfilling and balanced life you deserve.

For more discussion on this topic check out the post "3 Reasons Why Investor Marriages End In Divorce"

Don't miss this NEW training happening Thursday, July 11th at 9 AM EST.

Have you ever felt like relationships are holding you back from experiencing your big breakthrough?

Perhaps it's a spouse that doesn't seem to support your mission. Or, maybe, you consistently find yourself dealing with unscrupulous investors who've left you wondering if you are even pursuing the right path.

Relationships are the cornerstone to feeling successful and fulfilled because:

• They touch every area of your life.
• They impact your decisions.
• They influence your emotional state.
• They have the power to push you to greater heights, or sink you to lower lows (if you let them.)

High performers make the mistake of thinking they can 'do-it-all alone,' and often end up alone as a result.

 Don't let this be YOUR story. 

Register for the relationship mastery class now.

TRANSCRIPTION

Red Flags in Your Marriage as an Investor

[00:00:00] Hello, amazing investors. Today, later on, I'm going to be posting a video on three of the causes of failed marriage, uh, or unhappy marriages. Uh, but I'm going to share quickly one of the red flags here, um, and, and your marriage. And, and a lot of people don't talk about this, and this is not common conversational language.

[00:00:31] Uh, but especially for investors. Especially for those who are trying to do multiple things, especially for those who are, um, for example, you have a job and you're trying to be on the investing path or you have multiple businesses and you have a family and you have kids and you've been in a marriage for, let's say, 10, 15, 20 years.

[00:00:49] And a lot of times people take pride in being together with somebody for 10, 15, 20 years, which, which I think it is great. Um, but. There are a lot of people who are in unhappy marriages for 10, 15, 20 plus years. So how do you, what, what is the red flag? And it's very hard to describe and usually shows up in my, whenever I'm doing calls with couples, John, great to have you here.

[00:01:15] Kyle, Alex, whenever I'm doing calls with my couples, clients, um, and I do couples coaching as well. Uh, what ends up happening, one of the most common things that comes up when, in marriages that are unhappy or marriages that are kind of heading towards divorce is actually they've kind of given up fights for a long time.

[00:01:37] And it sounds odd because I'm telling you, uh, fights are healthy in your marriage, like arguments. Uh, they've kind of been together for a while and the way they, uh, Holy, there's a, there's a goose here. Geese. Looks like he's a little bit angry. The geese here are a little bit edgy around, uh, summertime here, or beginning of summer because, uh, they're a little bit defensive of their young ones, which they should be.

[00:02:04] But anyway, uh, what ends up happening, um, is that they've kind of, uh, gone to this point where they kind of live their own lives. And they're sort of like roommates. They're taking care of the kids together, or they're running separate things and they're on their separate career paths. They're doing all that stuff.

[00:02:25] And there's not much of an intensity in their marriage anymore. And you can kinda conclude that that there's not much intimacy either. It's become sort of like a routine. There's not much physical and emotional intimacy. And as you dig deeper, you find out that they kind of gave up a long time ago. They kind of gave up about 10 years ago or so, and they haven't even realized it.

[00:02:48] And when I asked him, at what point did you start to feel like this, start to feel like this? blah or you start to feel frustrated and you kind of went on your own path and started doing your own things because that's what you thought marriage was. It's like, I don't even know. And then if I really push them, they will say about a decade ago or 12 years ago or 15 years ago.

[00:03:09] What happened? Well, that was around the time when kids came into the picture. They started focusing on the kids, which, which is a normal thing, but you're supposed to be putting in effort. Or something else happened where they disagreed on something, a big value change, and they didn't want to go through the conflict process or whatever happened.

[00:03:28] It's the way the red flag is the way they feel about each other. There's, there's not much intensity in their relationship. They're not fighting for themselves and each other anymore. It's like they're whatever about things that doesn't mean they don't love each other. That doesn't mean they don't have affection for each other.

[00:03:48] It's just that they've kind of settled in living their separate lives. It's very common in North America. If you have something like that going on, huge red flag. Huge, huge red flag. Um, because what ends up happening, a lot of people think that conflict is a problem. Actually, conflict is not a problem.

[00:04:06] Like, uh, one of my favorite people, uh, around this stuff, who's a psychologist, you might have known him. Uh, fairly famous at this point, uh, Dr. Jordan Pearson, he talks about it. Most people are afraid of conflict because they haven't seen a conflict resolution model to them. Most of us come from families where we haven't seen conflict and seen resolution of that conflict.

[00:04:30] We've kind of seen conflict and then it's disappeared. And at some point our parents come together, but we never saw the resolution piece of it. So even since To the extent a lot of people avoid conflict in front of their kids. It's like, don't avoid conflict. Just show them how you come to resolution at times.

[00:04:51] Like what made you resolve it? They need to see a model for both because we don't have that model. A lot of a lot of us, most of us have avoid conflict. So anything that can bring intensity into our relationship or something that can lead to an argument or a fight or some major difference, we will avoid it.

[00:05:10] Interestingly, that's what's happening in the bigger world as well. If you look at the culture in North America, it's the same thing. People are scared of conflict. People are triggered by multiple, uh, various things about important issues. And we're left with this. Weird thing where we can't talk about religion.

[00:05:29] We can't talk about our bodies. We can't talk about Finances we can't talk about some political views. We can't talk about anything. That's important. These are important things to discuss Yes, it will make you uncomfortable But the point is that if you get rid of all this stuff, you will have nothing to talk about other than superficial things, which incidentally, most people talk about superficial things, not important issues to resolve.

[00:05:53] Now bringing it back to marriage, now that's an effect of all families kind of leading there. And the bigger world, but if you have this thing where you're kind of living your separate life, uh, you're kind of seeing your friends or you're doing your own thing, and then your wife or husband is doing their own thing, you have a common thing, which is kids, they will grow up at some point, and that is a common purpose we have.

[00:06:20] But you've lost the intensity. You've lost the intimacy. There is no tension. There is no intensity that used to have in the beginning. If that's gone, that's a red flag. It's going to bite you in the ass about 10 years later or five years later when both of you come to a point you're like, uh, you know, I don't know who this person is anymore.

[00:06:42] I don't know if I know this person. And you're right. You don't know this person because you've kind of been roommates with each other for the past 10 years. So what's the solution? Actually, the biggest solution comes from research. There are 80 plus years of research into marriage. Marriage is what works, what doesn't.

[00:06:57] If you guys haven't read this book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by Dr. John M. Gottman. Um, you definitely want to read that, The Gottman Process. But one of the research, I think it's in that book that was pointed out, is that marriages who are stable. Who have their intimacy intact, who have lots of things intact, they see each other or connect with each other at least once a week minimum.

[00:07:25] What, what does that mean? That doesn't mean it's in the day to day. Um, what, what it is, is that like day to day you're kind of going through the day. At the end of the day, you're tired, exhausted, or in the beginning of the day, you see each other when you're rushed. You kind of pass by each other. You think that you're living together.

[00:07:42] You think that you have a marriage together. You don't. Uh, marriages who are successful, they tend to spend at least once a week. They maintain the dating phase. The honeymoon honeymoon phase disappears, but they maintain the dating process. And, and I'll tell you this, I lost that for a while and I almost lost my marriage to be honest.

[00:08:02] Uh, and the process, and that's very common. especially when kids come into the picture. But what ended up happening was when I started to go back to at least having that once a week time focused time with each other, no phones, no business, no kids, nothing that completely changed everything. And morning and to the point where Uh, where now we know that if we are not doing well with each other, we know that it's directly connected to a couple of weeks of missing that or a week of missing that, that focus time with each other.

[00:08:40] So we actually go back to that. It's a lot like exercise. If you miss exercise for a day, it's not the end of the world. If you miss it for two, three months, you start to feel the effect of it. But with marriage, it's even more intense. If you don't know each other, especially if you're the kind of couple who are growing or trying different things, life is shifting a lot.

[00:09:02] You will need to spend time with each other. And that time means focused, put away your phone once a week, put away business, put away kids and spend time with each other. If you can do that, that will actually solve a lot of your problems. If you're stuck in your marriage in some place and you don't know how to get out of it, Get help.

[00:09:22] We can have a conversation if you want. I can either connect you with the right people or if I can help you, I'll move you through a process to help you get reconnected. But I just wanted to share this and let me know in the comments, have you gone through something like that where you felt like you kind of became blah, the intensity disappeared, and you kind of start to live your own separate lives as roommates for a while?

[00:09:45] Did that affect the marriage? Did you guys come back from it? Did you have to put in effort? Listen, marriage is work. A lot of times, a lot of people don't realize that. They think just because they're in, after they propose, they get into a marriage, they move into a house that, that completes the marriage.

[00:10:02] No, actually, it takes a lot of work. It takes a lot of maintenance, just like anything else. Just like your body, just like your business, everything else takes maintenance. So does this. I just want to share this. Share your thoughts below. I'm excited to upload the video soon. I did a training yesterday on three causes of failed marriage or unhappy marriage.

[00:10:24] You will gain a lot out of it. Until my next conversation. Hope you guys have a wonderful day. Take care. Bye.